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Easter is About Jesus - Period! A seasonal forum where we celebrate the true meaning of Easter. No bunnies allowed!

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Cross An Update Would be Nice - 03-31-2022, 07:49 PM
As I have been too busy bringing in the sheaves to post here, I was wondering if there is any news of which I should be aware at this Easter season, as we hop hop hop to church. Did Sister Harsha find Jesus? Did Sister Johnson remarry? Did Enrique go to prison for selling flour? What of Sister Naomi’s tasty pie?

I have many updates regarding my life and ministry and schooling and business ventures. For instance I no longer reside in godless New York.

Oh, Easter is such a season of renewal. I pray all of you will celebrate all of Him as He thought of you this holiest of periods.

Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 03-31-2022, 11:37 PM
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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Did Sister Harsha find Jesus?
Nope. Still damned and continuing to enrage Jesus at every opportunity.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Did Sister Johnson remarry?
I don't even know who that is. You're not the only one who went missing, brother. It's like the Bermuda Triangle around here lately.


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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Did Enrique go to prison for selling flour?
Who?


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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
What of Sister Naomi’s tasty pie?
I don't know.

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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
I no longer reside in godless New York.
Glory!


As far as updates go, let's see... Roper Crossburn released a new album. Jen Nettles returned, posted loads of filth and midget porn, and then left again thank God. We have remained steadfast in our committment to Jesus and Trump and in our opposition to Joe Biden, Satan, and Ukraine.

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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-02-2022, 02:40 AM
Enrique is our dear Sister Basilissa's husband. (He may yet be that in name only, as I understand they were married via proxy because Enrique is busy on an errand for Pastor Zeke down in South Mexico.)

Things have been very peaceful around here, Brother Larry. We continue to support Trump as God has guided us, and for that reason The Lord Jesus has protected us from the trolls.


It's nice to hear that you have left that cesspool of a city, New York. Remember that shaking off your sandals may not be effective enough. Perhaps they are better burned and replaced by a new pair of wingtips.

His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

Guns For God and the Economy
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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-03-2022, 04:52 AM
I'll chime in on the pie. We haven't seen Naomi's moist slices for months, nay years, Brother. And we haven't missed it. The ladies - I forget all their names - must be putting in double time in the back room whipping up pie after pie. They're like a machine. An oily piston engine hammering away getting the job done. You should try one.

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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-03-2022, 06:31 AM
Admittedly I hear of retention problems with the females sometimes wandering off into the wide blue yonder slightly off their rockers. Easily captured by security. We even held an investigation and apparently the ladies "appreciate subtlety", however when I pressed them exactly what they mean by subtlety... nothing. Useless.

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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-03-2022, 09:43 PM
Welcome back, Brother Larry! It warms my heart to hear that you've finally managed to get out of the cesspool that is New York.

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Jesus Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-03-2022, 10:15 PM
Darling Esther!

Is your precious father still living? Any new prospects for a husband? You’ve had so many close calls. Did it ever occur to you that maybe it’s not you who is defective but your dad?

I hope you’re living happier apart from him now, but still living with Jesus. I have worn the leather outfit you made me so many times; it has been instrumental in attracting men to their knees.

In faithful fellowship with the Father,
BrotherLarry

Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-03-2022, 10:31 PM
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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Darling Esther!

Is your precious father still living? Any new prospects for a husband? You’ve had so many close calls. Did it ever occur to you that maybe it’s not you who is defective but your dad?

I hope you’re living happier apart from him now, but still living with Jesus. I have worn the leather outfit you made me so many times; it has been instrumental in attracting men to their knees.

In faithful fellowship with the Father,
BrotherLarry


My father is indeed still alive and is now a grandfather. I got married back in August 2020 and I gave birth to a son last May, but enough about me.


I'm very pleased to hear that the outfit that I made has been helping you save souls.

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-03-2022, 11:46 PM
The update we've given to Brother Larry is also useful for Esther B., though we didn't care as much that she was gone.

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Default Re: An Update Would be Nice - 04-04-2022, 12:10 AM
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The update we've given to Brother Larry is also useful for Esther B., though we didn't care as much that she was gone.
Yes Brother Lukes, the famous LBC welcome mat is laid out for all comers

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