[Old Man Hatchet]

I visitied my daughter yesterday evening and performed my routine sin inspection, rummaging through closets and rifling through drawers. I came across a pair of Supergirl Underoos in my granddaughter's underthings drawer. Naturally I beat my daughter and granddaughter for this outrage and confiscated the vile underclothes.



Brethren, Underoos combine popular characters from the world of children's entertainment with underwear. It's an unholy union. Superman, The Incredible Hulk, Wonder Woman, He-Man, C-3PO, and Batman are just a few of the Godless characters that can be found on these despicable undies.



A child wearing Underoos becomes unruly and excited; consequently, the child makes a sick association between underwear and excitement for the rest of his or her life. Underoos teach children that underwear is fun. They are a gateway garment to leather, crotchless, and edible panties. Additionally, children may develop a fetish for the character which adorns their skivvies, becoming aroused by, say, Scooby-Doo or Aquaman.

Do not allow your children to wear Underoos, friends, lest they grow up to be like these "super" perverts: