[Brother Larry]

Work Wanted: Bright, intelligent Ex-cathylick seeks work in a luxury condo on the Landover complex. (Pastor Zeke, are you there?) Talented, reliable, trustworthy new soldier for Christ. Work permit application is pending the approval of the mayor and Senior Pastor.

Willing to cook, clean, provide security, administer Christian Discipline (I am halfway through the correspondence course), exorcise demons, act as a pool boy; you name it, I'm likely desperate enough to do it. Need a fashion stylist? Call me. Baseball coach? Locker room attendant? I'm there. Versed in the manly arts of woodworking, (I love wood!), plumbing (I specialize in cleaning pipes), and building beautiful erections (monuments, houses, business complexes - from scratch!) for all to enjoy. I'm really fabulous!

Past experience: Rosary making, hearing sins, granting absolution, making holy water. (All of these activities were renounced upon receiving the LORD JESUS CHRIST as my undeserved Savior, as evidenced by my admission as a forum member and guarded approval by holier members of the congregation).

Salary Expected: I'm VERY wide open.
Area Desired: I prefer one of the nicer homes on the Landover complex. A real blessing would be one with an unobstructed view of Pastor Zeke's home within range of 10x50 binoculars, or one that overlooks our church.

Excellent references can be provided (mostly Catholic, sorry).

[Godfly]

With no True Christian references I don't think anyone will trust you at the condos but fear not. Here at the Freehold Bible and RV Camp we've broken in many a house boy. You get a generous salary as well as use of the showers and toilets from 11pm to 4am. For a small monthly fee you can have your pick of the abandon vehicles to bed down in and first pick of any leftovers from the dining hall. You'll be in charge of the Mexicans and they know their jobs since they've been working for me for years. The only rule is you can't date my daughters unless I approve.

[Donovan A. Mordecai]

My cousin became a house boy several years back. You need to learn to take the bass out of your voice and the aggressivness out of you approach. SEEKING a job? You need to grovel a bit more to get a respectable benefactor.

My cousin also wore as tight fitting, and scant clothing as modesty allows, so that your master boss can be sure you aren't stealing anything. You might also want to lose some weight, you sound a little fat.

If you like, I can offer my services as an agent, I am welcome in the finest locations of True Christendom


God Bless
DAM