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Reload this Page How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
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Default How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-17-2008, 01:40 PM

Jesus prefers a proper baptism performed by a pastor, but there are times when an Emergency Baptism is needed and in these cases HE may call upon a layperson to perform an Emergency Baptism.

When an Emergency Baptism called for:
The candidate urgently requests baptism.
Despite having received the best available medical attention, the candidate is reasonably worried that they might die.
You have tried and failed to contact a member of the clergy, or a member of the clergy cannot arrive in time.

Performing a Emergency Baptism:
Make sure your intentions are to perform a baptism, what I mean is make sure you aren't interrogating a witch, horsing around in a swimming pool, or looking for a stringer full of Largemouth Bass that your hubby dropped in the lake. Water must be involved, so locate a pool of water. Avoid those funny round cement structures with an arm that goes around in circles spraying water! Immerse the person to be baptised and recite Matthew 28:19; “I baptize you in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” Finally, if this person is an accident victim, or appears to be unconscious or worse, remember to call 911 after the baptism.

A few final thoughts:
Many folks live their entire lives without performing an Emergency Baptism. Don't be too eager to offer such a service. It is not uncommon for a person who is being stoned to beg for baptism, but this is usually just a ploy to avoid the suffering they deserve. Be absolutely sure that the person requesting an Emergency Baptism is truly repentant.


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-17-2008, 02:16 PM

Godly advice Mamma Glendie.
Folks always ask me why I carry around so many bags when I'm out walking.
Thing is, YOU NEVER KNOW.

In one of my bags I always carry my "Supersoaker".
This baby can Baptize a whole hoard of willing Volunteers angry Atheists in one hit.

Super_Soaker_CPS4100.jpg



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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-17-2008, 02:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
Godly advice Mamma Glendie.
Folks always ask me why I carry around so many bags when I'm out walking.
Thing is, YOU NEVER KNOW.

In one of my bags I always carry my "Supersoaker".
This baby can Baptize a whole hoard of willing Volunteers angry Atheists in one hit.

Attachment 5900
I do think a preliminary stoning would be warranted, just to get them to the repentant stage.


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-17-2008, 02:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I do think a preliminary stoning would be warranted, just to get them to the repentant stage.
Did I mention the "other" Bags?



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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-17-2008, 03:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
Did I mention the "other" Bags?
Do you mean one of these handy little stoning buckets that Momma G had us make?

I just love mine!

http://landoverbaptist.net/showthrea...ghlight=bucket




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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-17-2008, 03:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Do you mean one of these handy little stoning buckets that Momma G had us make?

I just love mine!

http://landoverbaptist.net/showthrea...ghlight=bucket
The very thing Sis.
Here's mine:
burberry.jpg
It's one of the reasons that God gave Women 2 arms.

The other reason of course is for Cooking and Cleaning



Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-17-2008, 04:04 PM

This would be good if you were into a more gentle group baptism:
Quote:
Writer
Russ
Marietta, GA
More capacity for fewer stops.


I find this sprayer much easier to use than the little hand held sprayers. My arm always gets worn out carrying them around. I wish that it had wider and/or padded straps. The 5 gallon is HEAVY when full and these straps don't make it a bit easier. 5 gallon capacity means 40% fewer stops to refill than the 3 gallon. (Somebody check my math.)
--Russ


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-18-2008, 07:00 AM

You know, this puts me of a mind to recall those golden summer days when I was a boy growing up in Freehold. The other pastor's sons and I would lay in wait at the edge of Picaninnie Bridge for unsuspecting negroes, grab them, and toss them into Dirty Injun River, shouting "Do you renounce satan, boy?" And then we'd laugh and laugh, feeling like we were little soldiers for Christ.


There really wasn't enough water in there to Baptize anyone properly, so the coons would land with quite a splat.....Ah memories.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-18-2008, 10:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
You know, this puts me of a mind to recall those golden summer days when I was a boy growing up in Freehold. The other pastor's sons and I would lay in wait at the edge of Picaninnie Bridge for unsuspecting negroes, grab them, and toss them into Dirty Injun River, shouting "Do you renounce satan, boy?" And then we'd laugh and laugh, feeling like we were little soldiers for Christ.


There really wasn't enough water in there to Baptize anyone properly, so the coons would land with quite a splat.....Ah memories.
Oh, such happy days eh Pastor?

I remember going out with Petal to collect wayward kitties so we could put them in a sack. We'd then throw the sack down the Well or in the river and practice our Baptizing.

Some of the little Critters even stayed alive after the Stoning.

I'm sure Jesus had a good ol' Belly-laugh watching us.

Happy days



Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-18-2008, 10:40 AM

I have to admit I had quite a few baptisms go wrong over here, which may explain my poor record.

Two months ago we tried this method:

3onhose.jpg

Alas, we never found the poor converted old lady ever again.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-18-2008, 10:24 PM

When converting entire villages/towns of heathen, I recommend these indispensable aids,
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The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-18-2008, 10:40 PM

A visitor to Freehold checking out one of our Ex-Nigra Emergency Baptism Booths.
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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 08-19-2008, 03:29 AM

For the really big Baptism jobs, sometimes we need to call in a little assistance from our friend Jesus:





Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 09-09-2009, 11:40 AM

Praise Jesus!!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 09-09-2009, 11:53 AM

I always wondered if we are allowed to use spit in an emergency situation. I'm pretty good at long distance spitting, and the saliva is always available in abundance.

The only downside I see is that the subject would be unclean until the evening and may need some dry-cleaning.

Leviticus 15:8
And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean; then he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 09-09-2009, 12:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open View Post
I always wondered if we are allowed to use spit in an emergency situation. I'm pretty good at long distance spitting, and the saliva is always available in abundance.

The only downside I see is that the subject would be unclean until the evening and may need some dry-cleaning.

Leviticus 15:8
And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean; then he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
Well don't forget Brother Wide, Jesus did spit.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism! - 09-09-2009, 12:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Well don't forget Brother Wide, Jesus did spit.
Thank you Pastor, that pretty much nails it for me. I see Brother Prune had already suggested it was an early form of Baptism. Glory!


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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