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burger Meat Allergy - Satan's Latest Travesty or Jesus' Ingeniousness?! - 08-17-2023, 11:22 AM

It is every man's duty to consume red, heterosexual meat!

Genesis 9:3
Every moving thing that liveth shall be
meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.


There are many Created kinds of animals the consumption of which is endorsed by Jesus. Meat is also a good tool to hasten one's entry into the Happy Frolicking Days in Heaven, as it causes accelerated arterial disease, intestinal cancers (not rectal, that is caused almost exclusively by sodomy) and heart disease. Meat can be hunted, purchased from the butcher's or enjoyed in Godly 'burgers.

This is the way things should be.

However, an alarming development has spread among the God-fearing population of the United States of America. Meat allergy aka the alpha-gal syndrome! The mechanism of this disease is obscure but it involves tick, tiny spider-like Created kinds, and a sugar called alpha-gal.
Quote:
the condition usually begins with the bite of the Lone Star tick. The bite transfers a sugar molecule called alpha-gal into the body. In some people, this triggers a reaction from the body's defenses, also called the immune system. It causes mild to severe allergic reactions to red meat, such as beef, pork or lamb.


This is absolutely horrific. The patient can no longer fulfill Jesus's commands and has to restrict his diet to vegetarianism, i.e., anarcho-atheistic-communistic food items. All hope of Salvation™ might have to be discarded because of these six-legged creeping things called spiders.

Job 8:14
Whose hope shall be cut off, and whose trust shall be a
spider's web.


It seems plausible that this shows Satan's handiwork. By preventing Caucasian Young Heterosexual Men from consuming red meat, He forces them to become woke, and soon they will discuss tofu, salads, bestest positions to perform sodomy, and decaffeinated beverages. And THERE IS NO MEDICAL CURE! Thus, it seems that this was Satan's latest trick to send young Caucasian Heterosexual men to Hell.



But.

What if. It. Was. Jesus?! At first glance, this seems impossible. Why would Jesus cause such havoc on His most ardent followers, meat-eating Caucasian Heterosexual men?! Because there is another, much more sinister group of humans that also consumes meat in abundance, the so-called "butch Lesbianists".



familiar with pipe renovation, heave machinery, jackhammers and arm wrestling, these female sodomites consume hundreds of thousands of pounds of meat each month. Now, with the meat allergy, they have to start eating feminine foods, a light pasta al fresco or petit fours. Soon they will find the joys of pettycoats and telenovelas and start popping out new soldiers (1 Timothy 2:15) for Christ! Glory.



A dilemma! Jesus or Satan! The answer lies in the Bible. If we look at the scientific name of this disease based on the tongue of ancient Grease, alpha-gal syndrome, we can see that by naming it after usurping (alpha) females (gal), Jesus informs us that it is not OK to oust His right to be the ultimate alpha male of all History.

Revelation 22:13
I am
Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.


Conclusions:
  • Jesus did it.
Micah 6:13
Therefore also will I make thee
sick in smiting thee, in making thee desolate because of thy sins.


Remedies:
  • For the "butch sodomites" this disease is the remedy.
  • For the hundreds of millions of pure-bred Caucasian meat-eating Young Heterosexual Men the remedy is easy, as follows: Prayer. And oil. I prefer motor oil.
James 5:14-16
Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Meat Allergy - Satan's Latest Travesty or Jesus' Ingeniousness?! - 08-17-2023, 11:37 AM

I do not eat boiled ticks.

Can I be saved?


Proverbs 20:23 Divers weights are an abomination unto the LORD; and a false balance is not good.
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Christian Love True Christian™ Touched by Jesus Persecuted Honorary Ex-Eskimo Ex-Scandinavian Ex-eurotrash True Scientist™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Doctor Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Prayer Warrior Ex-Masturbator Tell her once True Christian Caucasian Real American™ Porn Resistant The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts 2014 Witch Hunt Award Mower Mission to Korea Uber Angels Driver Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Saved 1 Year Platinum Tither Eats the Most Pork True Heterosexual™ 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory BFF of Jesus Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Alternative Facts True Christian Nerd GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
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Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Rebuke Re: Meat Allergy - Satan's Latest Travesty or Jesus' Ingeniousness?! - 08-17-2023, 11:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adam Fag View Post
I do not eat boiled ticks.

Can I be saved?
Of course you can. Just Repent™, check that you have not blasphemed against the Holy Spirit and voilà:

Luke 18:26-27
And they that heard it said, Who then can be saved? And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

Also those suffering from meat allergy just need to Repent™, Pray and accept Jesus and follow all His commandments and, if case they are female, do some systematic childbearing.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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