[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Obviously the only way the Republican Party can continue to exist is to become the Republicanistas. This thread is for brainstorming ways to go about this.

First of all, let's stress the places where we agree with Catholics. That rules out everything except for abortion and gays, which is convenient, because most Protestants already don't talk about anything else.

2. Operation Malvinas Liberation. (The Malvinas are also known as the Falkland Islands - by their redcoat oppressors!) I know the British won't like it, but how many votes do they have in Florida?

3. "Evita" is now a must-watch for all Republicanistas. I know Madonna is a harlot and a jew, but just try to imagine Sarah Palin in her place. Along with the Peronistas, it's also worth studying Agusta Pinochet, Rafael Trujillo, and Anastastio Somoza.

4. They like miracles. If someone had found Mitt Romney's face in a nacho we would have won in a landslide. It will be expensive to check every nacho ever baked, but we spent several billion dollars on ads this election alone, so I think we can afford it if we use illegal immigrants and/or prison labor.

5. Our candidate in 2016 should be a General with a huge amount of medals. I don't know why, but Latin Americans sure love their bling-covered Generalissimos. Just look at them:

Wimpy little bits of facial hair are popular for some reason.
Franco. I know Spain isn't actually part of Mexico, but the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Same wimpy mustache.
Batista, Of Cuba. Does Jeb Bush ever dress up like this? he should.
Somoza, of Nicaragua. Here's a good slogan: "Omaba wants to turn Nicaragua into ni99eragua!"
Not much bling on Panama's Noriega. No wonder he didn't last long.
Shiny sunglasses are big too, at least for bodyguards.
THIS. We need THIS.

Who else has ideas?

[WWJDnow]

Maybe we could get another conservative to dress in blackface. Hell, it almost worked with Herman Cain.

And no more Mormons. Not only does God not listen to their prayers, but they're all way too uptight because their magic underwear doesn't leave their privates any room to move around.

[Levi Jones]

What do those people even like? We know they like chimichangas, alcohol, low riders, wife beater t-shirts and hair nets. How can we use this to our advantage?

[Bob4God]

One thing Mexicans love is bright colors. Now, I'm not suggesting for a moment that we be gay, but if we had some brightly colored ponchos or sombreros at our next convention, it might help us win the taco vote.

Mitt Romney surely swayed a good number of them when he spray-tanned his face to appear on Spanish TV.

[Cranky Old Man]

Likability is irrelevant. We need a president who will follow the Bible. A president who will deport everyone who voted for the wrong person. A president who implements Biblical law and kills all the gays and disobedient children, as commanded by God in Leviticus 20:13 and Deuteronomy 21:18-21. A president who will use our nukes for which they were intended, for killing all unbelievers on the planet as commanded by God in 2nd Chronicles 15:13.

We need Sarah Palin.

[Bob4God]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

Likability is irrelevant. We need a president who will follow the Bible. A president who will deport everyone who voted for the wrong person. A president who implements Biblical law and kills all the gays and disobedient children, as commanded by God in Leviticus 20:13 and Deuteronomy 21:18-21. A president who will use our nukes for which they were intended, for killing all unbelievers on the planet as commanded by God in 2nd Chronicles 15:13.

We need Sarah Palin.

I absolutely agree, Brother Cranky.

But we can't forget that no candidate will be able to get in without the taco vote, so we have to appeal to the Mexicans first, and then throw them out after we're back in the Oval Office.

[Brother Jared]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

Likability is irrelevant. We need a president who will follow the Bible. A president who will deport everyone who voted for the wrong person. A president who implements Biblical law and kills all the gays and disobedient children, as commanded by God in Leviticus 20:13 and Deuteronomy 21:18-21. A president who will use our nukes for which they were intended, for killing all unbelievers on the planet as commanded by God in 2nd Chronicles 15:13.

We need Sarah Palin.

What about Rick Perry?

I don't trust a woman for that job

[Carl the wop]

Originally Posted by WWJDnow

Maybe we could get another conservative to dress in blackface. Hell, it almost worked with Herman Cain.

And no more Mormons. Not only does God not listen to their prayers, but they're all way too uptight because their magic underwear doesn't leave their privates any room to move around.

I'd hire Adi Amin as a surrogate. Now THAT was a chest full of medals. We'd need a really top notch catchphrase..

LONG LIVE REAGAN, or to entice the Mexicans, VIVA REAGAN??

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Carl the wop

I'd hire Adi Amin as a surrogate. Now THAT was a chest full of medals.

I did a google image search and AHA! Here is how Obama won the Mexican vote:

[Carl the wop]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

I did a google image search and AHA! Here is how Obama won the Mexican vote:

AMEN, brother.. AMEN

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Rush Limbaugh has a question:



My answer is yes. Remember, Mexicans are so stupid, greedy, and unpatriotic that they'll vote for an Kenyan-born islamoatheist despot in return for the few extra food stamps that can still be printed before the government goes bankrupt.

Let the hispandering begin!

[Rev. Jamar D. Dodson]

Newt Gringrich says that we did worse among the asians than we did amoung the hispanics. You have to wonder if the Chinese helped Obama get reelected.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jamar D. Dodson

Newt Gringrich says that we did worse among the asians than we did amoung the hispanics.

Only because they're from the wrong parts of Asia. Based on my own personal experiences there are entire districts of Bangkok that owe their livelihoods to Republican job-creators, and the females in particular are willing to do anything for us.

Anyway, let's not get distracted: we need to stay focused on creating the ultimate hispandering machine, the Republicanista Party. For this purpose, I propose a new SuperPAC, with I will be calling (drumroll please)

THE SPRAYTAN REPUBLICANS

[lovelylatina]

some of the comments ive been reading from this and other post sound very racist if u are really christian ppl u shuldnt b talking like that. i have Jesus Christ in my heart and im a mexican as some of u say. we are all Gods children but i also know that some ppl dont wanna b bc they dont believe in him .so instead of saying that all mexicans voted for obama thats not true bc i didnt so dont generalize I voted for whoever was anti abortion anti gay marriages bc i wont condone what God condemns

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Originally Posted by lovelylatina

some of the comments ive been reading from this and other post sound very racist if u are really christian ppl u shuldnt b talking like that. i have Jesus Christ in my heart and im a mexican as some of u say. we are all Gods children but i also know that some ppl dont wanna b bc they dont believe in him .so instead of saying that all mexicans voted for obama thats not true bc i didnt so dont generalize I voted for whoever was anti abortion anti gay marriages bc i wont condone what God condemns

If you believe you see racism of any kind on this Godliest of websites, please report it to a Pastor IMMEDIATELY. We have a zero tolerance policy for racism here at Landover Baptist.

In the meantime, please introduce yourself like a proper young lady by making your way over to the introduction section and following the instructions there. I don't know how you people do it South of the border, but here in the developed world we like to know who we are talking to.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by lovelylatina

some of the comments ive been reading from this and other post sound very racist if u are really christian ppl u shuldnt b talking like that. i have Jesus Christ in my heart and im a mexican as some of u say. we are all Gods children but i also know that some ppl dont wanna b bc they dont believe in him .so instead of saying that all mexicans voted for obama thats not true bc i didnt so dont generalize I voted for whoever was anti abortion anti gay marriages bc i wont condone what God condemns

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

[Harold Law]

There's really only 3 things hispanics are good at.

1. Cleaning hotel rooms
2. Taking naps
3. Praying to Mary

We need to find some way to put these skills to good use. I suggest rounding up every Creation Scientist we can find to establish a formula to somehow use these abilities to generate more Republican votes.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond

2. Operation Malvinas Liberation. (The Malvinas are also known as the Falkland Islands - by their redcoat oppressors!) I know the British won't like it, but how many votes do they have in Florida?

The Pope is on-board! As usual, we are ahead of the curve, with the rest of the conservative world catching up later.

Pope Francis branded Britain 'usurpers' over Falklands conflict
As Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, Pope Francis once told a congregation of Argentinean veterans that those who died in the Falklands War were "reclaiming what is theirs" during the conflict.

During a Mass on April 2 last year to mark the 30th anniversary of the start of the war, Bergoglio called for the vindication of "all" of those who fought against the British over the Falklands Islands.
"We come to pray for those who have fallen, sons of the homeland who set out to defend his mother, the homeland, to claim the country that is theirs and they were usurped," he said.

Landover Leads, the world follows!

[Bjorn Jensen]

And now, Argentina's own Sarah Palin, the Godly republicanista lady Cristina Kirchner, speaks out against the limeys occupying their territory

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond

3. "Evita" is now a must-watch for all Republicanistas. ....Along with the Peronistas, it's also worth studying Agusta Pinochet, Rafael Trujillo, and Anastastio Somoza....I don't know why, but Latin Americans sure love their bling-covered Generalissimos.

Wow Jeb, everybody takes your advice! First the Pope, now everybody's favorite tinpot demagogue, the Mussulini of the Mullets, Donald J Trump!


So Donald Trump has contempt for Hispanics and will treat them horribly? Just like all the dictators of Latin America, who hispanics love! Hispanics are like women, they only love you if you beat them. I predict Trump will win the hispanic vote by a huge margin.


And as for voters who don't want a tinpot dictatorship, well, how many can there be? We're talking about America here. We're the only country whose schools don't teach the difference between "demogogue" and "demigod".