Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Landover Today! > The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper
Reload this Page 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards
The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Jeb Stuart Thurmond's Avatar
Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Long service medal, 2nd class Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Saved 5 Years Gold Tither Heaven Bound TC Bravery TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Tagging for Jesus Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork True Republican Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Hatchet Child Rearing Award Touched by Jesus Alternative Facts 

 
Posts: 5,783
Join Date: Jun 2007
Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Arrow 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-01-2019, 07:37 PM

1. Lifeguards are perverts. 99% of the time all they do is sit and watch watch wet and near-naked people. We already have lots of people who do that for free.

2. Lifeguards make up unBiblical nonsense like "mouth-to-mouth respiration", an excuse to kiss unconscious people, even if they are married or of the same sex. I don't know for a fact, but a lot of people are saying that next lifeguards will start putting their mouths to other orifices, because "it gets the air there faster".

3. Lifeguards thwart God's will. Drowning people is God's favorite way to dispose of sinners, just ask Noah. While God sends rainbows to remind us that He will not kill ALL of us in another flood, He still kills people this way. notice how as the world gets more sinful, God is raising sea levels, and causing extreme weather events. Obviously this is God punishing rising sin. Do liberals have any alternative explanation of why this is happening?

4. Lifeguards are slandering America's movie industry, claiming that movies and TV misrepresent the signs of drowning, causing huge amounts of children to die as their parents watch, clueless. They have produced propaganda like the below:



Obviously this is not true: if drowning was so boring and un-photogenic, then it would not be God's favorite way of smiting sinners. And why would sinners be "climbing an invisible ladder", as to heaven? They are sinners, if anything they should be crawling down an invisible hole to hell.

5. None of the applicants are skinny enough to fit in the lifeguard chairs.
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Joanna Lytton-Vasey's Avatar
Joanna Lytton-Vasey Joanna Lytton-Vasey is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Christian Love Heaven Bound Most Obedient True Christian Lady True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Kirk Cameron Fan Club Touched by Jesus Quiverful Cleanest Kitchen Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls One Year/1000 posts The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Grammar Nazi Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Mission to Messico Hands Off Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award In Love With Zeke Pro-Life Ex-eurotrash Persecuted Stamp of Approval Mower Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY 

 
Posts: 4,355
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: The Garden of England
Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-01-2019, 08:18 PM

Brother Jeb, Sir, none of my children has ever swum in a pool - so unhygienic - but as you know, we live by the sea, close to the English channel which is a fairly busy shipping lane. My view on the matter is that lifeguards are a totally unnecessary luxury. Any child who, by the age of 3, lacks the faith to keep out of the way of passing tankers and ferries richly deserves his or her fate.

I have not yet lost a child to a watery grave, which I think proves my point? By faith they survive! Hebrews 11:29.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Johny Joe Hold's Avatar
Johny Joe Hold Johny Joe Hold is online now
Mayor of Freehold
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mayor True Republican Teabag Patriot Ex-liberal Saved 1 Year Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Eats the Most Pork Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Mission to Korea Stamp of Approval Guns ablazin' Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years 

 
Posts: 6,852
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-01-2019, 10:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Brother Jeb, Sir, none of my children has ever swum in a pool - so unhygienic - but as you know, we live by the sea, close to the English channel which is a fairly busy shipping lane. My view on the matter is that lifeguards are a totally unnecessary luxury. Any child who, by the age of 3, lacks the faith to keep out of the way of passing tankers and ferries richly deserves his or her fate.
I have not yet lost a child to a watery grave, which I think proves my point? By faith they survive! Hebrews 11:29.
Good for you, Sister Joanna. One wonders if all those people who died of AIDS had been in a swimming pool? Lifeguards just don't fit the moral mission of Freehold, IA. If other cities want to parade naked city employees like homosexual meat let them have at it.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Dana723's Avatar
Dana723 Dana723 is offline
Forum member
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Pro-Life Kirk Cameron Fan Club 

 
Posts: 512
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Here
Dana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDana723 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-01-2019, 11:21 PM

A friend of mine, Suellen Frogmouth, got pregnant in a public pool. It happened about the time her boyfriend disappeared when we were in the eighth grade. Suellen had a rough time of it, being an unwed mother and all. She put the baby up for adoption, but because no one was sure who the father was (although his ears did stick out like her boyfriend's did and there was that strange business about the red hair...), the child stayed with a foster family who used him as a field hand. Suellen had some kind of a mental breakdown and has been at the local Shady Pines Sanatorium. My sons and I visit her once a week and sing soothing hymns to her until she falls asleep crying. Poor girl.



Anyway, since then, I've avoided public pools and I refuse to let my sons near one.


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Isabella White's Avatar
Isabella White Isabella White is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Anti-abortion Ready for the Rapture True Christian Lady Cleanest Kitchen Trumpette True Christian Granny 

 
Posts: 544
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA.
Isabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureIsabella White has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-02-2019, 12:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
2. Lifeguards make up unBiblical nonsense like "mouth-to-mouth respiration", an excuse to kiss unconscious people, even if they are married or of the same sex. I don't know for a fact, but a lot of people are saying that next lifeguards will start putting their mouths to other orifices, because "it gets the air there faster".
Good blessed evening to you, Brother Thurmond. All of that which you have shared with us is alarming, but I am most concerned about these details in Item # 2. If a lifeguard has an infectious disease, then he or she could transmit the disease to the person requiring First Aid. But of even more distressing news is that part about how lifeguards could start putting their mouths to other orifices to get air there faster. For one thing, that just does not sound possible and I think it's most likely a lie from the pit of . I mean, how in Heaven's name could blowing in someone's ear help at a time like that? A blessed evening to you, dear Brother. Sincerely, Isabella W.



Lift ye then your voices;
Swell the mighty flood;
Louder still and louder
Praise the precious .
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years 

 
Posts: 28,145
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Skull Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-02-2019, 01:32 PM

I do not know. Anyone ever seen a dead person float by in a river? Sure, everyone has. Floating by. How can a person accidentally drown if they can float?
When people die, it is because of Gods Will.


Consider this:
You're swimming in the river, all proud because your dad took off your floaties. A bass boat comes comes and runs over your gut, causing your body to burst and spray entrails all over the river. You still float!


You're dead
Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begins falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save© your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
BrotherLarry's Avatar
BrotherLarry BrotherLarry is offline
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™

Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian™ Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant Persecuted One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Gnathologist Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Stamp of Approval Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Touched by Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Ex-Mary Worshipper Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Super Soaker Baptism Award Pastor Ezekiel Sons of Liberty Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later 

 
Posts: 1,901
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Godless New York City
BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Sinner Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-02-2019, 08:54 PM

Brother James

Please assure me that you’re going to write a children’s book about this scenario along with a few more so youngsters can better understand Hell and how to get there. You can also include the only way to avoid it.

All too often people think children are automatically headed for Heaven. We as Bible scholars know that when the Bible says sinners are Hell bound it doesn’t make an age distinction. Gives me pleasure to know that I will be sipping wine with Jesus while that 8 year old on the fifth floor who calls me a faggot every time he sees me on the elevator burns in the pit for not repenting to Jesus or me. Christ is faithful. Glory!


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY 

 
Posts: 9,750
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-03-2019, 12:03 AM

Has anyone noticed how the more heathen a place is the more people die in rivers? Take the Ganges for instance, so many cadavers floating around.


IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW


Can it be a coincidence that the more swimming pools in a town the more likely it is to have a crematorium?
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
Cranky Old Man's Avatar
Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
You kids get off his lawn!
 

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Christian Love Platinum Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Gunfest '09 Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound 1st Year Bible College Punched the most queers Public Awareness Medal Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Nerd Flat Earth The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Touched by Jesus Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Trump of GOD True Christian Artist God's chosen ones Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Paula Deen Negro Support Group True Christian Hotrodder 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility 20,000 posts BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY 

 
Posts: 21,593
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-04-2019, 01:19 AM

If you drown, God clearly wanted you to drown. This is why I never wasted any money on swimming lessons for my children.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
Joanna Lytton-Vasey's Avatar
Joanna Lytton-Vasey Joanna Lytton-Vasey is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Christian Love Heaven Bound Most Obedient True Christian Lady True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Kirk Cameron Fan Club Touched by Jesus Quiverful Cleanest Kitchen Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls One Year/1000 posts The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Grammar Nazi Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Mission to Messico Hands Off Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award In Love With Zeke Pro-Life Ex-eurotrash Persecuted Stamp of Approval Mower Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY 

 
Posts: 4,355
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: The Garden of England
Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-04-2019, 07:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Can it be a coincidence that the more swimming pools in a town the more likely it is to have a crematorium?
That's always surprised me, Sister, because you'd think a waterlogged corpse would be quite difficult to burn. I suppose they must dry them out beforehand, but it seems very wasteful of fuel.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Reply With Quote
(#11)
Old
Jeb Stuart Thurmond's Avatar
Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Long service medal, 2nd class Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Saved 5 Years Gold Tither Heaven Bound TC Bravery TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Tagging for Jesus Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork True Republican Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Hatchet Child Rearing Award Touched by Jesus Alternative Facts 

 
Posts: 5,783
Join Date: Jun 2007
Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-05-2019, 12:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Has anyone noticed how the more heathen a place is the more people die in rivers? Take the Ganges for instance
I've had a lot to say about India, but I'm not going to go all eco-hippie and complain about pollution there. I mean, people wait in line all day just to see Lenin's corpse, so how bad can corpses be? If we dug up all our graveyards and dumped all the bones in rivers, we after a bit of weathering the bones would turn into nice white sandy beaches for more sinners to drown at, and the real estate we've freed up could be used by Brother Trump to create more of his tasteful casinos.

If this sounds like desecration, let me remind you that the only reason we keep the bones is so that God can find his own on Judgement Day, and since the vast, vast majority of people are going to hell, it doesn't matter what happens to their bones. Of course our True Christian bones can be excepted.
Reply With Quote
(#12)
Old
Johny Joe Hold's Avatar
Johny Joe Hold Johny Joe Hold is online now
Mayor of Freehold
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mayor True Republican Teabag Patriot Ex-liberal Saved 1 Year Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Eats the Most Pork Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Mission to Korea Stamp of Approval Guns ablazin' Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years 

 
Posts: 6,852
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-05-2019, 03:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post

If this sounds like desecration, let me remind you that the only reason we keep the bones is so that God can find his own on Judgement Day, and since the vast, vast majority of people are going to hell, it doesn't matter what happens to their bones. Of course our True Christian bones can be excepted.
History confirms this. In Matthew 27:52 many saw the resurrected bodies of those who had died years earlier. It makes sense history would repeat itself.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
Reply With Quote
(#13)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY 

 
Posts: 9,750
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Reasons why Freehold pools have no lifeguards - 05-05-2019, 04:21 AM

Ecclesiastes 1:10 Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
drowning, noah's flood, swimming

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2018 all rights reserved