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Sinner Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 03:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Dear Baby Jesus, is this legit or a scam? I sent to PM to ask Pastor Bathfire but he didn't respond.

Yes, it is. It is the purrfect way to get an eternal pass into Hellfire. If you wish to communicate with me or Dad, you'll need the HSp as the medium. Or pastor Zeke, or the KJV. Besides, I am not old and do not have a gray beard. I also wear immaculate Armani suits.


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flag Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 03:05 AM

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Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
I know this question wasn't addressed to me, but that's never stopped me before. How come the Holy Spirit Board says "Goodbye Jesus," that seems like a red flag to me.
No, it wasn't. Please concentrate on you tithing duties.


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Mooselimb Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 03:08 AM

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Originally Posted by Romeo Rovagnati View Post
Dear Baby Jesus,

for this Christmas I want more people to come in Church as the last year they were lesser than before.
You need to understand that there are about 1 legitimate churches on Earth, the one led by Pastor Zeke and, indeed, this Christmas more people than ever will be visiting it. Of course, many people will also be visiting the pagan temples of your lot. I won't send them to Hell, they'll send themselves. Please be reminded that the candy bar and one can of coke that you usually give your catamites after the midnight mass will not save you nor them from the eternal aftereffects of your actions.


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Sinner Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 03:09 AM

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Originally Posted by Gable Ballunder View Post
Can you tell me what a Jewish knob looks like? Are they cheaper than regular door handles?
Tl-, Dr. Must be a sinner as I did not hear anything. Never mind, furnacefodder is always in demand.


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Exclamation Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 03:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
The question is whether there are degrees of hate or just one big fat "garden variety" hate.
Of course there are, dammit. BLASPHEMY AGAINS MY GOOD ALTER AGO THE HOLY GHOST is what I hate more than anything and I do hate many many things. And Esau. And - I get to decide what that actually means! For instance, being a member of the cat lick cult means disregarding the HSp, and so that sin is always infinitely worse than the still infinite sin of a thought crime, such as looking at Pastor Zeke with lust! Moreover, if you trespass in one rule, you've broken them all. Just watch GoT to see what will happen to those who fail!


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Bible Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 03:24 AM

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Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior View Post
Dear Jesus,

Do You have a problem with high built towers/skyscrapers?
Yes, but not the *Merican ones, only papist, mudslime, Hindoo, Shinto, Commie, atheist and Daoist ones.
Quote:
If so, what's the tallest a building can be before offending You? If not, why did You confuse the speech of the builders of the Tower of Babel?
1. The answer can be found in Proverbs 8:26, and 2. what makes you think that I did not confuse their tongues? You never heard someone speak Arabic? I invented it by mixing Aramaic with camel vocalizations and the sounds of bowel movements.


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Jesus Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 03:27 AM

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Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Amen to that. There's now way the Tower of Babel was taller than the Burj Dubai? Oh lord Jesus, please knock down that heathen tower and render all the various Arab tribes unable to understand each other and thereby plot our ruin!
Commit thy way unto the LORD (that is Me); trust also in Me; and I shall bring it to pass. This will happen in the future that I foresee, during the days of the 2070 sucker world cup tournament.


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 05:32 AM

Hey J-Dawg, I know I already asked more than enough of you this year and it's your birthday and all, but if you're still hanging around I had another question.

Here on earth we're getting bogged down with #MeToo movement. Back in the day, your Mom got knocked up without really knowing about it. Isn't that a violation or something? Was Mary in a position to consent? If He did a stunt like that today I don't think it would fly building a new religion on top of the fact. I guess what I'm asking is did Mary give enthusiastic consent to being impregnated?

According to the link: Enthusiastic consent can be expressed verbally or through nonverbal cues, such as positive body language like smiling, maintaining eye contact, and nodding. These cues alone do not necessarily represent consent, but they are additional details that may reflect consent. It is necessary, however, to still seek verbal confirmation.

I scoured the Bible but didn't see any mention of Mary's body language, or pictures of the act, or whether she smiled, maintained eye contact, nodding head, etc. etc. I know you're busy delivering gifts to all the children so it can wait til next year if you don't have time. Thx.


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Rebuke Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 05:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Hey J-Dawg, I know I already asked more than enough of you this year and it's your birthday and all, but if you're still hanging around I had another question.

Here on earth we're getting bogged down with #MeToo movement. Back in the day, your Mom got knocked up without really knowing about it. Isn't that a violation or something? Was Mary in a position to consent? If He did a stunt like that today I don't think it would fly building a new religion on top of the fact. I guess what I'm asking is did Mary give enthusiastic consent to being impregnated?

According to the link: Enthusiastic consent can be expressed verbally or through nonverbal cues, such as positive body language like smiling, maintaining eye contact, and nodding. These cues alone do not necessarily represent consent, but they are additional details that may reflect consent. It is necessary, however, to still seek verbal confirmation.

I scoured the Bible but didn't see any mention of Mary's body language, or pictures of the act, or whether she smiled, maintained eye contact, nodding head, etc. etc. I know you're busy delivering gifts to all the children so it can wait til next year if you don't have time. Thx.
She did. Luke 1:38. She arose which means that my Mom the harlot was also aroused. Oh boy she was eager. Luke 1:39. You should also know that consent only means that secular law of today would have been fulfilled. Meanwhile, she was unwed and freely committed to extramarital sex. Her eternal destiny is gruesome. Of course, me being God, I was spared the title of a bastard as I make the rules!


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 06:20 AM

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Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
She did. Luke 1:38. She arose which means that my Mom the harlot was also aroused. Oh boy she was eager. Luke 1:39.
I knew it. Damn. For the historical record, did she... you know... do the thing with the pinky finger?


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Angry Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-25-2022, 06:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
I knew it. Damn. For the historical record, did she... you know... do the thing with the pinky finger?
Me! I refuse to spend any more time thinking about that horrid passage through the birth canal 2000+ years ago. Nothing to see there or here. Go and pay some extra tithes to Pastor Zeke or I just might apply Genesis 6:6 to your case.


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 02:55 AM

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Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
He is also filled with unprecedented WRATH, as only too few True Christian™ men congratulated Him on His actual Birthday, while the others were preoccupied. This means that no-one else is safe.
Dear Jesus,


Especially in light of last year's message, I wanted to wish You a Happy Birthday!
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 03:43 AM

Wooooo, we love you Jesus! Me especially, I love you most!


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Rebuke Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 04:01 AM

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Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior View Post
Dear Jesus,


Especially in light of last year's message, I wanted to wish You a Happy Birthday!


"...wanted..."? What happened? Did you cease wanting or did something prevent you from the actual act of wishing? I am not whining but how difficult would it be to actually "wish" and not just "want"? I don't want to come off as a cry-baby and actually you are at least wanting while almost everyone else (except Zeke) is just absent. But y'all should remember that My Name is Jealous when I put on my God Hat and I do put it on! How much just how much do you think a Man can take of this neglect and dismissal? I am not begging for praise, some regular everyday worship would do nicely, hymns and kneeling and prostrating and flogging and stoning of sinners. Do I have to do everything here? Where are the Prayers of Gratitude for all the smiting I did in 2022? 2021? 2020? A new plague! Hundreds of thousands of my soldiers giving their life in Youcrane defending Vlad from the Nazis? I did all that? Whom did y'all smite? Just asking! Million dying of covid coughing their lungs out! Of course, all that smiting was enjoyable by its own right, but a man sometimes would like to have some feedback of a work well done? Not just "wanting" to praise me, which I am not begging. You are the ones who need to beg. My second coming is off for now. I'll come later as a thief in the night. Ha-ha. And you are my best, the other lot will suffer even more. My name is Jealous! You have NO IDEA of the AGONY that you will experience unless you let me save you from the agony I'm gonna give you if you won't let me save you from it! Just some punishments to remind you of my WRATH: Rectal cancer. Hebephrenia. Piles. Cellulitis. Lice. Constipation.


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 04:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Wooooo, we love you Jesus! Me especially, I love you most!
This is better, not much but visibly better. Just remember that the amount of love is directly proportional to the amount of money you tithe. That means megabucks. I've suffered a lot, the couple of days on the Cross were tedious and boring. Remember that and keep that cashflow flowing.


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 04:19 AM

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Originally Posted by Jesus View Post


"...wanted..."? What happened? Did you cease wanting or did something prevent you from the actual act of wishing? I am not whining but how difficult would it be to actually "wish" and not just "want"? I don't want to come off as a cry-baby and actually you are at least wanting while almost everyone else (except Zeke) is just absent. But y'all should remember that My Name is Jealous when I put on my God Hat and I do put it on! How much just how much do you think a Man can take of this neglect and dismissal? I am not begging for praise, some regular everyday worship would do nicely, hymns and kneeling and prostrating and flogging and stoning of sinners. Do I have to do everything here? Where are the Prayers of Gratitude for all the smiting I did in 2022? 2021? 2020? A new plague! Hundreds of thousands of my soldiers giving their life in Youcrane defending Vlad from the Nazis? I did all that? Whom did y'all smite? Just asking! Million dying of covid coughing their lungs out! Of course, all that smiting was enjoyable by its own right, but a man sometimes would like to have some feedback of a work well done? Not just "wanting" to praise me, which I am not begging. You are the ones who need to beg. My second coming is off for now. I'll come later as a thief in the night. Ha-ha. And you are my best, the other lot will suffer even more. My name is Jealous! You have NO IDEA of the AGONY that you will experience unless you let me save you from the agony I'm gonna give you if you won't let me save you from it! Just some punishments to remind you of my WRATH: Rectal cancer. Hebephrenia. Piles. Cellulitis. Lice. Constipation.
Yes, I should have been more precise. Someone of Your stature shouldn't have to deal with substandard wording.


I wanted to, still want to, will always want to, and do wish You a Happy Birthday! Glad I was able to get this correction in before midnight.


Thank you for all those Smiting's and for not having included me in those plagues (yet).
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 04:28 AM

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Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior View Post
Yes, I should have been more precise. Someone of Your stature shouldn't have to deal with substandard wording.

I wanted to, still want to, will always want to, and do wish You a Happy Birthday! Glad I was able to get this correction in before midnight.

Thank you for all those Smiting's and for not having included me in those plagues (yet).
OK whatever... I'm not sulking. Just gonna watch the second season of The White Lotus with Dad and the HSp now.


Blessed is Me.
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 04:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
OK whatever... I'm not sulking. Just gonna watch the second setason of The White Lotus with Dad and the HSp now.
Three things (none of which are Happy Birthday; apparently that's in March or something):


-one of the the sparkles that Blingee™ gave You makes it look like You're flipping the bird


-I Googled HSp (before I clued in) and got stuff about fuel additives


-never binge anything with those guys; They know how everything ends and like to spoil shit


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Sinner Re: ASK JESUS - 2022 - 12-26-2022, 07:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Three things (none of which are Happy Birthday; apparently that's in March or something):

-one of the the sparkles that Blingee™ gave You makes it look like You're flipping the bird

-I Googled HSp (before I clued in) and got stuff about fuel additives

-never binge anything with those guys; They know how everything ends and like to spoil shit
I this some kind of trick question? I'm not holding my breath but - just in case you come to your senses - the Heavens will rejoice even more than we did when Jeff Dahmer repented. That was a feast of frankincense and wine until dawn! Please be reminded that I won't be sending you into HELL. You'll be choosing that yourself. You'll be in the outer darkness for eternity in PAIN and as I am the light etc. etc., there will be no illumination, not even naughtycal twilight. Ha-ha. You may know how The White Lotus ends but I know how YOU will meet your Creator, that's Me!


Blessed is Me.
 

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