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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 11,007
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 06:22 PM
I was honored to be asked by the Landover Baptist Church Board of Directors to head up the Committee that will select a new jet airplane for our beloved Pastor Zeke.
Several factors led up to the decision to go "jet shopping". One is that the Pastor's current jet is a few years old and we want the safest possible aircraft for him. He travels constantly saving souls around the world.
The other was, to put it bluntly, an image issue. To properly represent Landover Baptist Church, our Pastor needs to be photographed next to an aircraft better than any used by lessor preachers in the business. This issue was brought to a head when Evangelist Creflo Dollar announced he is conducting a $60 some million drive for a new jet that, he says, "Jesus wants me to have."
That Creflo thinks Jesus wants him to have a new jet while our beloved Pastor Zeke flies an older model cannot be left unchallenged. The only way to demonstrate Jesus favors Pastor Zeke is to make sure he has the better aircraft.
I'm hoping some of our well connected LBC members can post here pictures of nice private jet options. I know the Lear is top to the line, the Cessna Citation does not carry the kind of gravitas we want for Pastor Zeke.
If you want to see the outrageous claims for Jesus made the Creflo Dollar just take a look at this link:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/article...st+Articles%29
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,206
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 06:55 PM
If it is about status, who owns the newest private jet, wouldn´t a shovel be a better investment? Just trash Creflo´s new jet and sell it as scrap metal.
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,583
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 07:26 PM
Mayor, I've been in touch with a few ladies and I'm happy to report we're beginning to organize a Jet Aircraft Prayer Warrior Circle to storm the gates of Heaven with prayers for the Pastor's newest jet.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,423
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 07:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
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I can't see that Pastor Zeke would want anything a Darkie wants - for example, a long leather coat and a hat with a feather in it would not go down well.
A G550 Airborne Early Warning would be useful and this time with full leather and mink interior as suggested by Dasie-Mae.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland
If it is about status, who owns the newest private jet, wouldn´t a shovel be a better investment? Just trash Creflo´s new jet and sell it as scrap metal.
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Have you been in a head-butting contest with an elk again?
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,899
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 07:42 PM
God Bless you all. The Lear Jets that I have to put up with at the moment are embarrassing to both Jesus and myself. I've had my heart set on an Airbus A380 for quite awhile now....Unless of course you think that I'm not worth it....
Of course I'd have to have all this clutter torn out so I can have the plane designed for my comfort.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,206
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 07:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
Have you been in a head-butting contest with an elk again?
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Not that I´m aware of. I might have lost some memory due to a grog party last Friday.
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,423
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 07:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
...Unless of course you think that I'm not worth it....
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 And there were we thinking that you would not take another passenger other than your fiancée! Obviously if there were just one other person, you would need that extra room and a Gulfstream would not cut it!
Thank you again for your inspiring leadership. May God bless us as much as He has blessed you!
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,356
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 07:54 PM
Isn't the Airbus made by a Europeon consortium, though?
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,899
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 08:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Isn't the Airbus made by a Europeon consortium, though?
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Some things cannot be helped. This plane can and will be washed clean with Christ's Blood. The joos who took over Boeing ran it into the ground. If the Airbus is good enough for my good friend the Sultan, then it's good enough for God's favorite Pastor.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 08:26 PM
We'd better get started on extending Freehold's main runway, then.
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,356
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 08:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Some things cannot be helped. This plane can and will be washed clean with Christ's Blood. The joos who took over Boeing ran it into the ground. If the Airbus is good enough for my good friend the Sultan, then it's good enough for God's favorite Pastor. 
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Unfortunately the spanking new Airbus assembly line in Mobile, Alabama, seems to be set to manufacture only the A320, which isn't at all what you deserve, Pastor. Also a delivery date of 2016 is just ridiculous. And you'd probably find the overhead lockers full of watermelon rinds.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 10:27 PM
Is there a fund for Pastor Zeke's new airplane? My husband and I would be honored to contribute $1,000,000 to helping him stay ahead of the negro preacher!
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 11,007
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 11:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
Is there a fund for Pastor Zeke's new airplane? My husband and I would be honored to contribute $1,000,000 to helping him stay ahead of the negro preacher!
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That is greatly appreciated, Mrs. Johnson. The starting price of Pastor Zeke choice is about $350 million so your contribution is a start.
We also need to meet with engineers to get the A380 tricked out the way Pastor wants it. Frankly, I have some suggestions for what some might say is my own purpose.
I, personally, am rather angry at Creflo Dollar. When he was arrested for physically assaulting his teenage daughter several of us here risk our own careers to defend him. We defended him on this site. Then, we defended is girlfriends and eventual divorce.
But, what does Creflo do to show his gratitude? He tries to one up Landover Baptist Church with his new airplane. Probably he gives us the bird when he flies over.
I want to send Creflo a picture of Pastor Zeke in the cigar room of his A380 watching football on a large screen. That would be while stretched out in his Lazy Boy. Then, I'd ask how Creflo feels cramped up in his little box of an airplane.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 25
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: wherever God and my husband need me to be
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 11:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
We'd better get started on extending Freehold's main runway, then.
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Then it's also a Christian job-creation program. Then Jimmy-Roy, bless his heart, can become a productive member of society again, as I'm sure he wants to do, and stop eating us out of house and home, not that we'd ever begrudge him, of course (Luke 6:30).
1 Cor. 11:8-9: For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,193
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-14-2015, 11:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
...My husband and I would be honored to contribute $1,000,000...
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How would you be honoured by your husband giving away his money? You make it sound like you were involved in the decision.
Anyways, why are you all thinking subsonic? Sure, a fully kitted A380XX or 747-800 might all luxurious and comfortable, but you're never gonna get it much over 600 mph. If Zeke's late for, say, a prayer meeting at the third hole of Pebble Beach, he needs to get there now, and this baby'll do over 1500 mph!  
Can't take that long for Portway to learn to read Cyrillic, can it?
Only $375,000 here: http://www.controller.com/listingsde...ML/1354915.htm (unless your buddy Kim'll give you a deal on one of his dad's old ones)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-15-2015, 12:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
How would you be honoured by your husband giving away his money? You make it sound like you were involved in the decision.
Anyways, why are you all thinking subsonic? Sure, a fully kitted A380XX or 747-800 might all luxurious and comfortable, but you're never gonna get it much over 600 mph. If Zeke's late for, say, a prayer meeting at the third hole of Pebble Beach, he needs to get there now, and this baby'll do over 1500 mph!  
Can't take that long for Portway to learn to read Cyrillic, can it?
Only $375,000 here: http://www.controller.com/listingsde...ML/1354915.htm (unless your buddy Kim'll give you a deal on one of his dad's old ones)
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But there's no cabin space in it. No room for his bed, or his big screen TV, or his bar, or his gymnasium. And let's face it, if Pastor Zeke flies to Biafra for a photo shoot with starving babies, he can't be expected to stay in a Biafran hut.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,206
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-15-2015, 12:34 AM
Dear Didymus Much,
I am sorry to say you suggest some post WW2 junk. May I suggest something a bit more ¨up to date¨?
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,193
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-15-2015, 02:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
But there's no cabin space in it. No room for his bed, or his big screen TV, or his bar, or his gymnasium. And let's face it, if Pastor Zeke flies to Biafra for a photo shoot with starving babies, he can't be expected to stay in a Biafran hut.
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No one's saying there can't be extra planes flying his stuff around, just why should he have to wait?
And it goes to 60,000 feet, that much closer to Jesus than Dollar's Learjet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland
...May I suggest something a bit more ¨up to date¨?...
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Sure, you can, but how about something that's not 400 mph slower (kinda defeats the purpose), and especially not FRENCH?
If they took off all those white flag deployment modules they've cluttered it with, it might go a slight bit faster...
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 533
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-15-2015, 02:40 AM
Please be reminded that while these are all great ideas, the plane needs to be able to accommodate "Ezekiel's Wheels".
Which incidentally has over 7000 miles on it now.
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 11,007
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
03-15-2015, 02:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freddy Osborne
Please be reminded that while these are all great ideas, the plane needs to be able to accommodate "Ezekiel's Wheels".
Which incidentally has over 7000 miles on it now.
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Great point, brother Osborne. In many countries, Creflo Dollar has to ride donkeys to get to his preaching venues.
We want Pastor Zeke to inspire people in those poverty countries. We want them saying, "Wow. If I give my tithe to Pastor Zeke, love Jesus and support capitalism instead of socialism, I can have a car like his."
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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