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Default Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-11-2015, 03:46 AM
There is one notable acception, however. My close friend and Brother in Christ, Shekelwise The Clown:



I will only use his stage name, since Shekelwise has warrants out for his arrest in 37 states, and I would hate to see Sheckelwise's lifelong dream of running a youth ministry from the back of his van fail on account of his true identity being compromised, alerting secular authorities to his whereabouts...

Shekelwise has been on the lamb for most of his adult life, finding refuge with kindly, trusting Christian families with lots of young children that he can minister to. Unlike his wicked clown brethren, Shekelwise is a good clown. He truly cares about the spiritual condition of our kids.

Shekelwise is a master balloon-animal artist. Gaze upon his work and marvel:

"Segmented worm with party hat and bowtie"


"Sea cucumber giving birth to twins"


Shekelwise is the obvious choice for your next True Christian birthday party. He has a biblically sound, no-nonsense approach to entertaining brats. He will not tolerate heckling, crying or long faces, as his knout would attest to if it could talk...which he claims it does, but I am skeptical.

Aside from being an awesome clown, he is also a first classclass inventor and entrepreneur. Ever played "pin the savior to the cross"? Well, you can credit Shekelwise for that one! He demands cash in advance for his services, and accepts neither personal check or credit card. He is not an untrusting clown, he just doesn't like to leave "paper trails".

If you are wondering what stake I have in all this...well, Shekelwise owes me several hundred dollars, and if he doesn't get a gig, and quick, the odds of me getting paid back are virtually nil! Help a Brother out! PM me for his contact info...mums the word!

PS: please advise your children to NEVER touch Shekelwise's foam nose! He had the tip of his real nose bitten off by an unruly mong at a secular birthday party years ago, and is real self conscious about it. It is best not to provoke him.
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-13-2015, 06:13 PM
Maybe some of them can be captured and used to discipline sinners by giving them a taste of Hell placing them in a dungeon that has no exit but a small culvent in its ceiling fifty feet above the ground and only a highly-trained and heavily armed security team can enter and exit, via a rope ladder. The dungeon can be sparsely illuminated by dim and grimy, incandescent lightbulbs and the sinners may only be allowed to be released if the truly repent and the clowns may feed on the unrepentant.

Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-14-2015, 01:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Regis Alexandrus View Post
Maybe some of them can be captured and used to discipline sinners by giving them a taste of Hell placing them in a dungeon that has no exit but a small culvent in its ceiling fifty feet above the ground and only a highly-trained and heavily armed security team can enter and exit, via a rope ladder. The dungeon can be sparsely illuminated by dim and grimy, incandescent lightbulbs and the sinners may only be allowed to be released if the truly repent and the clowns may feed on the unrepentant.
Are you suggesting that athiest clowns should be employed to do this work? Shekelwise needs the job, and as boss and only member of the Christian Clown Union, by God, he'll have it! Just wait and see what happens if those scabs run afoul of the CCU. Hell hath no fury like a vengeful clown...
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-14-2015, 03:13 AM
Once Rebuko The Clown gets out of prison (which should be in 8-10 years, with lots of Prayer) you will see that some clowns can be useful in carrying out God's Plan®.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-14-2015, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Are you suggesting that athiest clowns should be employed to do this work? Shekelwise needs the job, and as boss and only member of the Christian Clown Union, by God, he'll have it! Just wait and see what happens if those scabs run afoul of the CCU. Hell hath no fury like a vengeful clown...
I was thinking about letting the clowns run around wildly in the dungeon without pay and Shekelwise could be the one to chastise the sinners after they have been released from the dungeon to see if they have truly repented.

Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-15-2015, 03:55 AM
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I was thinking about letting the clowns run around wildly in the dungeon without pay and Shekelwise could be the one to chastise the sinners after they have been released from the dungeon to see if they have truly repented.
Shekelwise does NOT cavort with unrepentant clowns, not even for money.

Look buster, do you have a paying gig (sans devil worshipping clowns) lined up for Shekelwise or not? He is literally chomping at the bit to get back to work. Its time for you to put up or shut up!
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-15-2015, 04:29 PM
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Shekelwise does NOT cavort with unrepentant clowns, not even for money.

Look buster, do you have a paying gig (sans devil worshipping clowns) lined up for Shekelwise or not? He is literally chomping at the bit to get back to work. Its time for you to put up or shut up!
Fine, Shekelwise gets the job instead of the atheistic/satanic clowns.

Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-16-2015, 01:07 AM
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Fine, Shekelwise gets the job instead of the atheistic/satanic clowns.
Great, when can you swing by and pick him up?
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Default Re: Clowns are EVIL and must be Destroyed! - 01-17-2015, 01:10 AM
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Great, when can you swing by and pick him up?
You may need to hire another because I have almost no driver experience, let alone a license,.and my mother would worry about me.

Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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