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Scared Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-10-2022, 08:09 PM

Don't joo Jesus


Like beggars rummaging though the dumpster behind the Landover Mens Club, looking for half eaten PorterHouse. Then they complain about the food they STOLE and expect special treatment. You want to eat at His Divine Table™ expect to pick up the check.


God never asks us for anything more than we can do. So when He says 'Give me 150%', it is His Faith in YOU that you can and will perform. Only the Devil likes a cry baby.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-11-2022, 11:53 AM

II Thessalonians 2:3-4 Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-11-2022, 02:07 PM

Brother FM. I haven’t seen you around lately when I come to Pastor Zeke’s home to clean out his pipes and spit polish his septic tank system. Perhaps it’s time to negotiate more night hours at his home to offset the cost of tithing? I would be wary about tithing less overall, as The Bible is very clear on what would happen otherwise. 2 Corinthians 9:6 shows us that the more we tithe, the more we receive. Perhaps you haven’t been tithing enough which has led to your financial woes? Try outsourcing some of your extra income to Papoff Ministries and see if that fixes your issue. As an ex-nigra I work hard and still tithe what I can in the hopes that I will have the same bountiful blessings as the wonderful white people of Freehold. I expect you to reach that salvation before I do.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-11-2022, 02:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Rutherford View Post
As an ex nigra I work hard and still tithe what I can in the hopes that I will have the same bountiful blessings as the wonderful white people of Freehold. I expect you to reach that salvation before I do.
I think Uncle Rutherford is on to a solution here. It is to work off the tithe. Sweeping Pastor Zeke's driveway--all kinds of work to be done.

The only caution is this. Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place. Uncle may know things the rest of us should not know. Jesus knows and will take care of it. Do like Uncle Rutherford and keep your secrets.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-11-2022, 03:46 PM

"Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place"


What is wrong with that? It seems like a smart thing to do.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Love Jesus Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-11-2022, 04:46 PM

On more than one occasion I have posted money making miracle ideas in which our FM could have participated. Alas I see no evidence of his interest in those. I find it hard to find extra funds for helping someone who won’t help themselves. So sorry. But Jesus tells us to give away our possessions and serve Him. What a great opportunity for you! Blessings!


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-12-2022, 04:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Unsure, but it wouldn't really help FM in this case. Yes, he could put that towards this month's tithe, but he can't go selling himself again to pay next month's, can he?
True... true... but I note you've not come up with any better ideas, for example, does he have a painting that he could sell?





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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-12-2022, 11:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
"Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place"


What is wrong with that? It seems like a smart thing to do.
I’m sure Mayor Hold means to never reveal Pastor Zeke’s secrets lest you become unsaved. It’s a word of caution for Brother FM to follow.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-13-2022, 12:15 AM

Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!

The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.


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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-13-2022, 01:24 AM

I must say I'm disheartened to hear about Brother Faith Machine's fall in the eyes of the lord and the loss of his good standing as a member of the congregation. As we remember 1 Samuel 2:7, I find comfort in knowing that God has a plan for all of us. Will His plan for Faith Machine's reduce him to the status of Unsaved Trash? Taking all bets. Amen.


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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-13-2022, 11:48 AM

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Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!

The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.
I live in a quaint little cabin on the outskirts of Freehold. Why didn’t you ask me first? I have some extra straw mats laying outside somewhere and a nice river a half a mile away for you to wash up in (provided the PFAS God laid there for us doesn’t kill you).
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-13-2022, 01:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!
The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.
Brother Faith, "Heard of it?", my goodness yes. Only bad things. They will take you in, find you food and housing and teach you to chant. In all of this they will never mention the word "sin" or the word "punishment."

We are on guard for members of this cult moving into Freehold. Its new headquarters is right north of us on I-35 N. Being close they might try to recruit in the LBC neighborhood.

The thing is, Brother Faith, we here at your real church, LCB, have reached out offering all manner of help. Don't be embarrassed with your circumstances. Make progress on your tithe and things will work out.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-13-2022, 02:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Rutherford View Post
I live in a quaint little cabin on the outskirts of Freehold. Why didn’t you ask me first? I have some extra straw mats laying outside somewhere and a nice river a half a mile away for you to wash up in (provided the PFAS God laid there for us doesn’t kill you).
PFAS = Forever Chemicals


"Forever Chemicals"?! Where to begin listing the sins? Hubris, laziness, lack of faith--only The Lord and His Word and Will last forever. Manmade things may take a long, loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnng time to transform, but we are dealing with eternity here, folks.


Salvation and damnation last forever. Everything else is a molecule of steam on its way to becoming ice.


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-14-2022, 05:55 PM

Arabian nights have a slippery reputation. Don't go there. Any straw palliasse provides as much comfort and one's beloved completes the deficiency.
Song of Solomon 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-14-2022, 08:37 PM

Mayor Joe Hold, I have been assured I can experience Christ's love through diligent Eckankar practice. I'd love for you to meet my new friends and decide for yourself. They've put me to work! The hours are long, and they are keeping my paychecks for now, pending my ability to prove I can be trusted with money, but they say I'm showing a real aptitude for this sort of labor.

In June I might be allowed to meet the living Eck Master!


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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-14-2022, 11:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Mayor Joe Hold, I have been assured I can experience Christ's love through diligent Eckankar practice. I'd love for you to meet my new friends and decide for yourself. They've put me to work! The hours are long, and they are keeping my paychecks for now, pending my ability to prove I can be trusted with money, but they say I'm showing a real aptitude for this sort of labor.
In June I might be allowed to meet the living Eck Master!
Faith, I called a meeting of the LBC Finance Committee and expressed my concern you are paying money to Eckankar which Eckanbar will use and provide you with no benefits. That church cannot forgive sins nor speak on your behalf to guardians of Heaven's door. The entire Board now shares my concern for you.

We did make some progress on your behalf. The Board voted to loan you your entire late tithe. It will be paid in full. However, you will have to pay it back with interest. The sooner the better, of course.

We're so pleased to provide you with this benefit from LBC. Sign the loan agreement and celebrate your return to God's Favorite Church.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-19-2022, 01:04 PM

Although I only read a couple of lines from Eck's "Hu" dogma, one thing stood out. Co-Worker with God. I almost vomited.
Philippians 2:5-7 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men
There are two states of being described here. Co-equal with God and the wretched nothingness of humans. If we were running around being co-workers with God, why would Jesus need to be so savagely and duplicitously murdered? If, as a co-worker with God already, He became human and humans are co-workers with God too, in what sense did He make Himself of no reputation?

Clearly this "Eck" and "Hu" are manifestations of someone or something opposed to Christianity and therefore opposed to God. Something or someone with a name. Satan. He could almost be running a mail-order firm with a Money Back Guarantee called

"I TELL LIES I ONLY TELL LIES LIES IS ALL I WANT TO TELL AND THIS IDIOT BELIEVED ME WHAT A PATHETIC MORON!"

and although your initial payment might show up as Starline Bagels, your refund will turn up on a giant-sized financial instrument (probably bright orange which you'll have to pay in to your bank) emblazoned with the real name of the business.

I will definitely be avoiding entreaties from this source.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-19-2022, 02:01 PM

Brother Faith--Just trying to help here, don't forget Publisher's Clearinghouse. I get telephone calls telling me it has lots of money and is giving it away.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-20-2022, 10:16 AM

They do have a good payment system but is it true that they've faced lawsuits for nebulosity of promise? That's a legal term as is "working diligently with law enforcement officials to fight scams" but I'm not sure what that means in in normal language. However my alarm bells started ringing when I saw they'd aligned with the mormons. Perhaps I'm overly liberal in my compassion for popes (such as Bergoglio) who after all never grew up in Christian nations and knew no better than what they were taught. Interior décor is another area where taste is completely absent and I won't mention their revolting costumes

But oh, boy, these mormons? They DID grow up in a Christian nation and were run outa town had to relocate more than once due to their founder's criminal activity. And it's difficult to imagine anything more tasteless than mormon architecture. Can you spot the mormon in this photograph?

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As a result I'm reluctant to recommend PCH as a source of Salvation and although the odds may be slightly less remote, I couldn't say there was any better a chance in catholicism. But at least there you could read a Bible without any "later revelations" tacked on, unless you listened to the priest but I don't think any of them do that. Sometimes people say that Jesus was a criminal and was executed as such. That is not true however, as Pastor's Easter sermon brought out: Pilate made it clear that Jesus had not committed any crime.
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Default Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount? - 05-20-2022, 02:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
They do have a good payment system but is it true that they've faced lawsuits for nebulosity of promise? That's a legal term as is "working diligently with law enforcement officials to fight scams" but I'm not sure what that means in in normal language. However my alarm bells started ringing when I saw they'd aligned with the mormons. ... Can you spot the mormon in this photograph?
That is, of course, the (net worth) $24 million Marie Osmond. Her big hit "Paper Roses" started her on the road to BIG
MONEY MORMANI$M. I didn't know she is pitching Publishers Clearing House. Most of my calls telling me how much money I've won from PCH come from the Caman Islands. I turn it down because they are going to collect income taxes before the pay me.
It might be a good deal for Brother Faith, however.

Why would all that PCH money be located in a $hithole place like the Caman Islands?







Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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