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Default Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 02:24 AM

Friends, advertisements for tampons and maxi pads make me sick. They always show women dancing, playing tennis, and doing aerobics. When a woman is suffering from her monthly punishment from God, she should quarantine herself. When I am out in public, I am always concerned that there may be menstruating women nearby. The very idea! A woman should not go out into civilized society with a tainted cooter. Some of these women actually have the nerve to be in supermarkets near food.

If the manufacturers of these products had a shread of decency, they would make commercials that show women locked in closets or chained to beds. Before my wife went through menopause, she wasn't even allowed in the house during her monthly tribulation. She stayed outside with the dogs.

Tampons and maxi pads have names that counter the notion of quarantining women during their periods, such as Stayfree. And they come with wings, further advocating the idea that women should "take flight" and not seclude themselves.



While we're on the subject, tampons are for harlots. The only thing that should go into a woman's private area is her good husband's manhood for the purpose of creating more Christians. Ladies, your period is punishment from God. It is not an excuse for self-gratification.



Observe how this deplorable product is called Playtex, insinuating that menstruation time is play time. Gentle glide, indeed. Sickening.
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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 02:32 AM

OMH, if you were a woman you would no that there is know gratification to be had from tampon insertation. It is, like the whole process or menstruating, quite messy and unappealing.



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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 02:53 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
OMH, if you were a woman you would no that there is know gratification to be had from tampon insertation. It is, like the whole process or menstruating, quite messy and unappealing.
EXCUSE ME! TAMPONS, AKA "SATANS LITTLE COTTON FINGERS" ARE NOT A FIT TOPIC OF DISCUSSION ON THIS GODLY BOARD!

WOMEN WILL SILENTLY ACCEPT THAT THEY MUST SUFFER FOR ETERNITY FOR EVE'S INDESCRETIONS AND NOT JOIN IN MANLY DISCUSSIONS!


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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 02:57 AM

Well, this wasn't in the 'men's forum', Pastor.

And how is a discussion on female bodily functions a male topic?



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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 03:09 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Well, this wasn't in the 'men's forum', Pastor.

And how is a discussion on female bodily functions a male topic?
Shut up.


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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 03:10 AM

I am a bit shocked that anyone would start such a disturbing thread on our main forum. But since our own Brother Hatchet created the thread, I must assume the Lord directed him to do so.

Anyway, Satan's Cotton Fingers are forbidden at LBC because they simulate sexual intercourse (forgive me Jesus) and mastur&ation at the same time. There are however some innocent uses for Tampons:

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showp...20&postcount=8

And Sister Thumper has a delightful Christmas craft that can be made with Maxi Pads:

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showp...22&postcount=9

But I must warn all ladies of Landover that we are on the lookout for gals who insult God and indulge in Satan's Cotton Fingers. And you are easy to spot . . . just look at the smirk . . . we all know what she's hiding!
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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 03:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
And how is a discussion on female bodily functions a male topic?
I would say that as women belong to men, the topic matter is very much male - not unlike a discussion about cars; proprietal, but less messy.

I am saddened to read that you, Mrs. HellBound, are a user of sickular sanitary products. I suggest ripping up an old sheet and stuffing it down your knickers when next you are Cursed© ... be sure to tightly pin both front and back though, or you'll be as bandy as a sailor - or Lilith after a sailor, come to think of it.


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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 05:58 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Shut up.
Rheumatism acting up again, Pastor?



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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 07:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Shut up.

Oh dear...your little problem again dear Pastor Al?
Try syrup of Figs.


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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 07:40 AM

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Oh dear...your little problem again dear Pastor Al?
Try syrup of Figs.
It will always sadden me that when I was in Australia and New Zealand in the 80s and again a couple of years ago hunting the dreaded Frill-necked Tyrannosaurs which infest those parts spreading death and terror amongst the natives that I didn't have time to track you down. Von HELLBOUND wasn't born in the 80s when I was there, but I could have explained our program for purchasing newborns to her parents.

Here is a picture I managed to get from a helicopter of one of the beasts standing next to a grove of mature Eucalyptus trees.



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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 08:43 AM

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Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I am a bit shocked that anyone would start such a disturbing thread on our main forum. But since our own Brother Hatchet created the thread, I must assume the Lord directed him to do so.
Precisely. He was very explicit that He wanted this disgusting issue addressed unabashedly and with as few euphamisims as possible. I believe He chose me because if public outrage to the post was great and I was killed for it, it wouldn't matter too much since I am an old man and am going to be going to eternity soon anyway.
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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 12:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Well, this wasn't in the 'men's forum', Pastor.

And how is a discussion on female bodily functions a male topic?
Regarding point #1: You are a well-known intruder in the MEN's ONLY thread, so even if this topic WERE posted there, it would hardly stop you from your constant shrill rejoinders.

Regarding point #2: ANY and ALL topics are to be handled by MEN. Thus sayeth the Lord!

Now go make me a sandwich, harlot!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 07:53 PM

I will simply not wallow around in such a Disgusting topic and am here only to show my support of Brother Hatchet (whose new pipe has given me some very odd dreams recently, indeed).

( I say Disgusting only in the sense that some "women" apparently dare to be taking enjoyment from God's Curse. Well! Verily! Who do you think will lift us up to the Rapture, JESUS or "Aunt Flo" from "Red River"?)

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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-26-2006, 11:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
It will always sadden me that when I was in Australia and New Zealand in the 80s and again a couple of years ago hunting the dreaded Frill-necked Tyrannosaurs which infest those parts spreading death and terror amongst the natives that I didn't have time to track you down. Von HELLBOUND wasn't born in the 80s when I was there, but I could have explained our program for purchasing newborns to her parents.

Here is a picture I managed to get from a helicopter of one of the beasts standing next to a grove of mature Eucalyptus trees.

I was born in the 80's!!
*snickers* you're scared of lizards hahahahaha



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-27-2006, 12:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
I will simply not wallow around in such a Disgusting topic and am here only to show my support of Brother Hatchet (whose new pipe has given me some very odd dreams recently, indeed).
SUV
Godly Sister Sue, "bless you in a multitude of ways," if I may be so bold as to borrow one of your delightful phrases. I appreciate your show of support. It required a great deal of fortitude to bring up such an unpleasant topic, but the Lord and I felt it simply had to be done. I am disappointed more men have not chimed in.

Now, would you care to divulge a little more information about these "pipe" dreams?
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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-27-2006, 12:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Now, would you care to divulge a little more information about these "pipe" dreams?
Oh my, Brother, might I?

You see, it's like I'm on a pipeline to Jesus while "riding the pipeline" on the surf to get to him while thinking about all the oil that used to go through the Alaska Pipeline, except it's down for repairs at the moment, isn't it, or soon will be.....

No. I can't carry on this charade. The Christ will know that I'm fibbing.

It's really all about....about....whether you're using cherry tobacco or the mentholated type?!

Either way, Please - don't stop! Oh GOD, PLEASE DON'T STOP!!!

SUV
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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-27-2006, 01:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
Oh my, Brother, might I?

You see, it's like I'm on a pipeline to Jesus while "riding the pipeline" on the surf to get to him while thinking about all the oil that used to go through the Alaska Pipeline, except it's down for repairs at the moment, isn't it, or soon will be.....

No. I can't carry on this charade. The Christ will know that I'm fibbing.

It's really all about....about....whether you're using cherry tobacco or the mentholated type?!

Either way, Please - don't stop! Oh GOD, PLEASE DON'T STOP!!!

SUV
Sister, a tampon thread is not a suitable place to discuss my pipe tobacco. I will send you a private message. We will arrange a time for you to meet me in my study for further discussion.
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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-27-2006, 01:10 AM

Look what Tater made out of confiscaded "Satan's little coton fingers". A tampon blow gun!



Aw, bless his precious heart. He is soooo creative!

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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-27-2006, 01:23 AM

And what, exactly, would he hope to achieve with that?
I doubt it would serve him well on hunting trips.



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Default Re: Tampons and Maxi Pads - 09-27-2006, 01:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
And what, exactly, would he hope to achieve with that?
I doubt it would serve him well on hunting trips.
To shoot at harlots like you just to annoy you.




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