[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

It's a well known fact that most of history's notable people are burning in hell right now. I know we can come up with dozens of reasons why people like Mother Theresa (being a Catholic sadistic cruelty) are slow roasting in the fiery lake right now.

But did you know that some of them had a few redeeming qualities? It's true.

7. Thomas Jefferson



What he did wrong.

One of history's great monsters. A true God mocker if there ever was one. TJ despised Jesus so much that he actually ripped the Old Testament and all the Epistles out of his Bible only leaving the Gospels. He left a wake of hatred for our Lord only second to someone among our founding fathers who isn't making this list!

I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature.

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth.

I know it will give great offense to the clergy, but the advocate of religious freedom is to expect neither peace nor forgiveness from them.

Rogueries, absurdities and untruths were perpetrated upon the teachings of Jesus by a large band of dupes and importers led by Paul, the first great corrupter of the teaching of Jesus.

His blasphemies go on and on.

What he did right.

Jefferson was staunchly anti-miscegenation like the Bible is.

“The amalgamation of whites with blacks produces a degradation to which no lover of his country, no lover of excellence in the human character, can innocently consent.”

TJ on slavery predicting a massive negro chimpout the size of which had never been seen before.

“We have the wolf by the ears and we can neither hold him nor safely let him go. Justice is in one scale and self-preservation in the other.”

TJ believing slavery would inevitably end, but like Lincoln at (number five on this list) he noted that the blacks can't live here after they are freed or they would go on a raping and theft spree. See Detroit for an example.

“Nothing is more certainly written in the book of fate than that these people (slaves) are to be free. Nor is it less certain that the two races, equally free, cannot live in the same government. Nature, habit, opinion has drawn indelible lines of distinction between them."

See? Even history's greatest monsters have their upside.


6. Patrick Henry



What he did wrong.

Disobedience to authority. He started an entire war because he didn't feel like paying his taxes causing the death of 50,000 people. After all the trouble he put us through, he opposed the second most dear document in the hearts of Americans; the U.S. Constitution. Given all that, it's no wonder Patty is currently being bent over by a demon in the lake of sulfur.

What he did right.

Patrick loved his wife. Instead of sending her to an asylum. He simply locked the demon possessed woman in his basement in a straight jacket. On second thought, maybe that wasn't so good. Surely there was some True Christian ™ who could have saved the poor woman's soul.

Still, it was a nice gesture on his part.

5. Abraham Lincoln



What he did wrong.

You may be asking yourself what he didn't do wrong. He unilaterally illegalized secession. He subverted the God ordained property rights of dozens of slave owners. He unleashed holocaust and terror on the southern states completely destroying their infrastructure for nearly a century. Lincoln was truly a fiend of the worst sort!

What he did right.

He believed in the curse of Ham.

“I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.”

He even helped to found new places around the world where he wanted to deport the darkies to!

They found an order from Mr Lincoln in June 1863 authorising a British colonial agent, John Hodge, to recruit freed slaves to be sent to colonies in what are now the countries of Guyana and Belize.
“Hodge reported back to a British minister that Lincoln said it was his ‘honest desire’ that this emigration went ahead,” said Mr Page, a historian at Oxford University.

So you can see that even Lincoln wasn't all bad.

4. Pope Alexander VI



What he did wrong.

Besides being the Pope and sitting on the throne of the Whore of Babylon? A whole lot. Alexander VI, born Roderic Borgia, is synonymous with corruption, fornication and founding the first Italian organized crime family. It is rumored that he encouraged an incestuous love affair between his son and daughter.

Here's an account of the Banquet of Chestnuts. Warning! Do not read this unless you are fully Saved® and up to date on your tithes!!

The Banquet of Chestnuts, known more properly as the Ballet of Chestnuts, refers to a fête in Rome, and particularly to a supper held in the Papal Palace by Don Cesare Borgia, son of Pope Alexander VI on October 30, 1501.[1] An account of the banquet is preserved in a Latin diary by Protonotary Apostolic and Master of Ceremonies Johann Burchard (it is entitled Liber Notarum).


The banquet was given in Cesare's apartments in the Palazzo Apostolico. Fifty prostitutes or courtesans were in attendance for the entertainment of the banquet guests. After the food was eaten, lamp stands holding lighted candles were placed on the floor and chestnuts strewn about. The clothes of the courtesans were auctioned; then the prostitutes and the guests crawled naked among the lamp stands to pick up the chestnuts. Immediately following the spectacle, members of the clergy and other party guests together engaged with the prostitutes in sexual activity.[2] According to Burchard, "prizes were offered--silken doublets, pairs of shoes, hats and other garments--for those men who were most successful with the prostitutes".[3]
According to William Manchester, "Servants kept score of each man's orgasms, for the pope greatly admired virility and measured a man's machismo by his ejaculative capacity."[4] Another source[5] states that Pope Alexander VI was actually there and himself suggested the scorekeeping method. Manchester also refers to the use of sex toys; Burchard, however, makes no reference to this in his account of the banquet.

Yeah...

What he did right.

As early as 1435 Pope Eugene IV issued an attack on slavery in his Papal bull Sicut Dudum which included the excommunication of all those who engage in the slave trade.

As we all know, the Bible says slavery is a God given right.

Rodrigo fixed that with Columbus' discovery of America.

"Eximiae devotionis" (3 May 1493), "Inter Caetera" (4 May 1493) and "Dudum Siquidem (23 September 1493), conferred ownership rights to Spain in relation to the new found lands in the Americas. These bulls gave power to enslave the natives thus paving the way for Christianity in the Americas.

Every cloud has a silver lining, right?