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Exclamation Elvis Impersonators - 02-24-2011, 01:06 PM

God killed Elvis Presley in 1977. It was the only way to stop his gyrating hips. Unfortunately, impersonators have been carrying on his swiveling sinfulness.



Friends, I was petrified throughout the 50s, 60s, and 70s of being raped by Elvis. He haunted my dreams like a horny, jumpsuited Freddy Krueger. He would thrust his powerful pelvis and taut buttocks unremittingly in my face and then seduce me with his soft, southern drawl, whisking me away to his bedroom in Graceland to make a human peanut butter and banana sandwich. When he was finally struck down by God, I thought I would finally find some peace. Thanks to these impersonators, I now have nightmares of being pinned downed and summarily gang-raped by a thousand shimmying Elvises, their sweaty upper lips twitching fervently. These nightmares are so real that I can actually feel the rhinestones chaffing my skin.

Elvis impersonation is a cult, plain and simple. As you can read here, it "offers a spectacle of the grotesque, the display of the fetishized Elvis body by impersonators who use a combination of Christian and New Age imagery and language to describe their devotion to The King. [. . .] True impersonators don't 'do Elvis' for monetary gain, but as missionaries to spread the message of The King." I know you share my outrage over this blasphemy.

These Elvis perverts come in all sizes and colors.

[

They can be found anywhere, but tend to congregate in Las Vegas.



Las Vegas makes Amsterdam look like Mayberry. There's drunkenness, gambling, homosexuals, tigers, homosexual tigers, quickie-marriages, and Wayne Newton. This degenerate city is a perfect fit for Elvis impersonators. They wear shamefully tight costumes that would make a Cirque du Soleil performer blush.



Children are especially susceptible to being brain-washed into the cult.



Out of the kindness of my heart, I am setting up a lucrative deprogramming camp. If your child so much as says "Thank you very much," put him or her in my camp first and say "You're welcome" later.

We need to squelch this cult before their numbers grow too large. We must petition Congress to outlaw Elvis impersonation before our great nation is consumed by it. We have to put an end to my steamy nightmares. The threat is real. Join me in combating it. And praise Jesus Christ, the real King. Amen.
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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-24-2011, 01:49 PM

Thank you for the very informative report, Mr. Hatchet. I have seen these impersonators both in Las Vegas and Memphis, and I must say that each time I felt physically ill afterward. Think: Jim Morrison in a jumpsuit.



And what many people do not realize is that Elvis was already doing awful things BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN. That's right: he strangled his twin brother in the womb with his own two hands.



And did you ever notice that you can't spell E-L-V-I-S without E-V-I-L-S? You can't chalk that kind of thing up to coincidence!

YiC,

Z. Smyth


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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-24-2011, 09:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
And what many people do not realize is that Elvis was already doing awful things BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN. That's right: he strangled his twin brother in the womb with his own two hands.
He also stole his style of music from the Negroes. You have to be pretty desperate to steal from a Negro.
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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-24-2011, 09:49 PM

Degenerate - YES!!!

After scrutinizing the following picture for some time, I'm pretty Sure I saw Evidence of a.... *bulge*



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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-24-2011, 09:50 PM

Brother Hatchet, yet again your keen eye missing nothing when it comes to the secular forces destroying REAL America. Elvis is the true face of the slutpocolyse Doris Day has inflicted upon America manhood; white men turned into hip gyrating blacks - lust crazed animals that perform mindlessly for the mocking amusement of women.

I can see why you were haunted by nightmares of being raped and humiliated by Elvis, that's why Elvis was here and only a TRUE Christian like you Brother Old Man Hatchet could have survived such an assault.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-25-2011, 04:18 AM

Brother Hatchet, you don't ever want to accompany me on one of my many missionary trips to the ornamental countries. They have a plague of Elvis impersonators running wild in the streets over there. I always bring extra security with me when I go, but I'm afraid it would be too much for you.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-25-2011, 03:22 PM




Nauseating
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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-25-2011, 04:40 PM

It even goes as far as an UnGodly Cameltoe

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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-25-2011, 05:03 PM


Great GOD, Sister Tali! What happened to the middle part?!
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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-25-2011, 05:46 PM

There is even a lezbertarian Elvis impersonatoress who calls herself Elvis Herselvis (and may Jesus have mercy on me for saying such a horrible thing, even to warn people away from abominations), who performs, unsurprisingly, in Sin Francrisco, where she performs unspeakable pervesions on stage.

From Wickedpedophile.org:
Quote:
Elvis Herselvis is the stagename of the American actor and singer Leigh Crow, whose rise to international exposure was performing as a female Elvis Presley impersonator. The inimitable Crow still performs as Elvis Herselvis on occasion as well as sings, acts and performs regularly; including performing with the all female rockabilly band called The Mighty Slim Pickins.

San Francisco-based Elvis Herselvis identifies as a "Female Elvis Impersonator" and "Drag King" and has been evoking the King of Rock and Roll for several years. "Elvis Herselvis & the Straight White Males" were one of the most original and innovative Elvis impersonation acts, recalling Elvis Presley with her sensuous vibrato, while wiping the sweat from her brow with the panties of devoted fans. The performer even "satirizes Elvis impersonators and includes in her act a discussion of Elvis's drug problem and sexual proclivities." Crow's uncanny portrayal has made her a popular entertainer in queer clubs and the alternative cabaret circuit in America. In 1993, she also toured Australia.


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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-26-2011, 03:33 AM

ELVIS SIGHTING!

Elvis is ALIVE and he shops at the GODLIEST store in America, Walmart!

I just know it's really him! Look at that hair, those glasses, those rings!
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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-26-2011, 04:43 AM

I'm not a theologian, so I have to rely on others for questions I have.

Just looking at these pictures and the way people keep the persona alive, I'd like to know if it might be that Elvis was, and remains, the actual Satan?

JJH


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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-26-2011, 07:10 AM

Elvis impersonators and fans are a cult that literally believe Elvis is God. It goes beyond mere emulation. It is worship. Believe it or not, there is a First Presleyterian Church of Elvis the Divine.



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Default Re: Elvis Impersonators - 02-26-2011, 02:11 PM


What's even worse is that Big E seems to have turned into a lizbean! Evidence that weak chin!
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