Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!
Reload this Page ASK JESUS - 2019!
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus

 
Posts: 79,712
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Jesus ASK JESUS - 2019! - 12-02-2019, 08:23 AM

OK. It's Christmas time, time to tithe heavily to ensure our continuous presence in the presidential chambers in 2020 and thereafter! As always, if you behave and tithe, Jesus Himself - my good friend an mentor - will appear on Christmas day and answer all the burning questions you might have about Life, Universe and Everything! Show Him your love and keep 'em tithes comin!



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Emily Brent's Avatar
Emily Brent Emily Brent is offline
née Altzheimer, Unsaved trash, hopelessly weird
 

Cutter Facepalm

 
Posts: 90
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Godless UK
Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2019! - 12-02-2019, 09:26 AM

Good morning Jesus, when do you intend to sniff out the homosexuals for good?


The wicked flee when no man pursueth- Proverbs 28:1

Spelling and wording corrected by friendly moderator but approved by Emily Brent herself.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
BrotherLarry's Avatar
BrotherLarry BrotherLarry is offline
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™

Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian™ Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant Persecuted One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Gnathologist Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Stamp of Approval Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Touched by Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Ex-Mary Worshipper Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Super Soaker Baptism Award Pastor Ezekiel Sons of Liberty Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud Team Fortress Denier

 
Posts: 2,127
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Godless New York City
BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Jesus Re: ASK JESUS - 2019! - 12-02-2019, 03:11 PM

My dear, sweet, kind, loving, giving, honorable, pure, unadulterated Heavenly King:

Bless Yourself!

Is it Your intent to send my papist father to Hell this coming year?

How many horses will I be caring for come the Glory?

And just when are You coming back? You said soon but Jeez it’s been 2000 years.

Thanks for everything and have a nice birthday.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
PeterCrackhead's Avatar
PeterCrackhead (Quarantined) PeterCrackhead is offline
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)

Commmmmunnissss Full of it Strawman Cathlick Ad hominem

 
Posts: 144
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Everywhere
PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2019! - 12-02-2019, 07:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
Good morning Jesus, when do you intend to sniff out the homosexuals for good?
Sniff should be snuff don’t you think?
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
PeterCrackhead's Avatar
PeterCrackhead (Quarantined) PeterCrackhead is offline
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)

Commmmmunnissss Full of it Strawman Cathlick Ad hominem

 
Posts: 144
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Everywhere
PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.PeterCrackhead is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2019! - 12-02-2019, 07:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
OK. It's Christmas time, time to tithe heavily to ensure our continuous presence in the presidential chambers in 2020 and thereafter! As always, if you behave and tithe, Jesus Himself - my good friend an mentor - will appear on Christmas day and answer all the burning questions you might have about Life, Universe and Everything! Show Him your love and keep 'em tithes comin!

So, in your truck stop ministry are you the fast glory hole driller in the West?
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Didymus Much's Avatar
Didymus Much Didymus Much is offline
Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
 

Hellbound Heathen Atheist Cancer on Society hippie Caution - Poster is Crazy Evilution Perv Baggie Condemned Reaper Evil Grammar Nazi Democrat Commmmmunnissss How dumb can you get? Five years in the service of the Enemy Beastiality Barney Caution - Poster is on Drugs Demonized Bleeding heart liebral Glutton Drunk Devil Rides the Short Bus Fiddler Potty mouth Retard Posting Philistine skull Pot Head Swiss Skull Sinner Devil's Trill Sonata Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Mower Pastor Ezekiel Prize for Unprecedented Retards Marxist

 
Posts: 12,768
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: calling Jim Spanfeller a herb on a forum somewhere
Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2019! - 12-02-2019, 07:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterCrackhead View Post
So, in your truck stop ministry are you the fast glory hole driller in the West?
Iowa's Midwest, not West.


With all that they're giving you on a silver platter, just why are you making shit up?



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2018 all rights reserved