Focus on Family - Christian Parenting A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more! |
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Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-12-2019, 05:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Mister Cranky, I am more than happy to come help you out in your time of need if you ever need anything. I know how to cook and do laundry. I also do a good job of ironing clothes and beating his meat (to make it tender for later) according to my Pa.
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If, as it seems to be the case, Mr. Cranky is in the market for a new bride soon, have you considered asking your father to make him an offer? You're already 17, you really ought to get hitched before it's too late.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-12-2019, 06:17 PM
My Pa dictates when I am to be married. I made no such offer to Mister Cranky. I’m no hussy that’d hit on a married man. It’s customary for women to help men in their times of hardship (i.e bake a pie or casserole). I am pretty offended you assumed that I was asking to be married even. Not my place sir!
My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-12-2019, 06:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
My Pa dictates when I am to be married. I made no such offer to Mister Cranky. I’m no hussy that’d hit on a married man. It’s customary for women to help men in their times of hardship (i.e bake a pie or casserole). I am pretty offended you assumed that I was asking to be married even. Not my place sir!
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You seem to have misunderstood me, girl. I was merely saying that, if Mr. Cranky becomes a widower, that perhaps your father should offer you as a bride. I was not insinuating that you would do anything untoward.
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-12-2019, 06:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes
You seem to have misunderstood me, girl. I was merely saying that, if Mr. Cranky becomes a widower, that perhaps your father should offer you as a bride. I was not insinuating that you would do anything untoward.
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If Brother Cranky is ever looking for a new wife, he would be far more likely to choose a True Christian™ widow, a woman of good sense with her childbearing years long behind her, rather than some chit of a silly girl. Has he not suffered enough?
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Forum Member
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Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-13-2019, 12:05 AM
Hold on, Mister Dennis is making it seem as though Mrs Cranky is dead or dying. Who said anything of that sort?
My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,237
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-13-2019, 07:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Hold on, Mister Dennis is making it seem as though Mrs Cranky is dead or dying. Who said anything of that sort?
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Look, if Brother Cranky is not getting any pie and the casserole is off limits, then Mrs. Brother Cranky might as well be.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Rockford, IL
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-13-2019, 09:37 PM
Maybe you should pay her a visit, Doctor, just to make sure!
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Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-27-2019, 02:58 PM
Is she still on the couch?
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-27-2019, 03:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes
Is she still on the couch?
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I think Brother Cranky said that her sister took her away a couple of weeks back. I certainly haven't heard any more about it, and I must admit it's something of a relief not to have Mrs C calling at all hours and rambling on incoherently. You'd think when I'd told her for the third time that no, I don't know how to skin and dress a coyote she'd have given up, bless her. Anyway, Brother Cranky's telephone bill will be a lot lower this month.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Nigeria
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
04-22-2019, 08:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
This is a first in the 91 years Jesus has granted me so far. I yelled at my wife, I screamed at my wife, I hit her with my favorite Bible, but nothing! Even reading Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24 from my Bible had no effect whatsoever. All she does is stare without blinking her eyes.
Is there anyone with similar experience who has any advice on how to deal with this? I am hungry and no one is cooking diner.
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It’s probably because she has no obligation to do what you say and you’re abusing her.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
04-22-2019, 08:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gum goblin
It’s probably because she has no obligation to do what you say and you’re abusing her.
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Didn't your mother ever teach you not to make baseless accusations? First of all, Cranky is an esteemed member of this church and his Salvation has been guaranteed. This means he is beyond reproach. Second of all, you don't know his wife!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Forum Member
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Posts: 149
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Lagos
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
04-27-2019, 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
This is a first in the 91 years Jesus has granted me so far. I yelled at my wife, I screamed at my wife, I hit her with my favorite Bible, but nothing! Even reading Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24 from my Bible had no effect whatsoever. All she does is stare without blinking her eyes.
Is there anyone with similar experience who has any advice on how to deal with this? I am hungry and no one is cooking diner.
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Sir,I hope you have prayed over this minor trouble. God gave to you ,your wife and children. Please pray about it and ask them possibly what was the offence and problem. God can ask well in His Glorious wisdom tell you the root cause of the estrangement
John chapter 15 verses 13-14
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
04-29-2019, 05:07 PM
Mr Cranky if you are reading this and your wife is still defiant, I will bake you a few pies and send them your way so that you won’t starve. The nerve of a wife to be so thoughtless. Colossians 3:18 makes it clear. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 149
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Lagos
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
04-30-2019, 03:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231
Mr Cranky if you are reading this and your wife is still defiant, I will bake you a few pies and send them your way so that you won’t starve. The nerve of a wife to be so thoughtless. Colossians 3:18 makes it clear. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
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Good idea! Friend, I think that cranky wife should be talked to.
One day, we make it to heaven and all these life worrying issues just have to disappear. Cranky is the head of his family and should strong fisted and tough. If it gets too serious, family matters can be taken to the church committee for settlement in a biblical way
John chapter 15 verses 13-14
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,440
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-06-2020, 01:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
I was actually considering that but her sister returned and took her with her. Her sister was yelling and screaming all the time, like women tend to do, but I didn't bother to listen to what she said.
I assume she will send my wife back as soon as she is ready to perform her Godly duties again in accordance with Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24. Having to make my own food is annoying but I don't miss the constant whining about the headaches I caused by hitting my wife on the head with my Bible.
Proverbs 20:30
The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.
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I hired a Joo lawyer to divorce my wife as she hasn't cleaned for almost a year now. He discovered my wife is dead, so that saved me a lot of money. Jesus no doubt punished her for refusing to do her duties.
My new mail-order wife from https://www.christianwifefinder.com will arrive next week. I hope she is good at cleaning as it is a huge mess here.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
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Posts: 4,899
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA
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Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? -
01-06-2020, 03:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
I hired a Joo lawyer to divorce my wife as she hasn't cleaned for almost a year now. My new mail-order wife from https://www.christianwifefinder.com will arrive next week. I hope she is good at cleaning as it is a huge mess here.
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Oh, my heavenly stars, dear Brother Cranky! You poor, poor man, you. My heart breaks to hear of what you've been through this past year or so. I can't imagine what it was like for you living in such a slovenly state, especially when doing so goes against the Will of the .
Luke 12:40 "Be ye therefore ready also: for the Son of man cometh at an hour when ye think not."
I Timothy 3:5 "(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)"
I mean, can you imagine if the blessed Rapture were to have happened, and your house was not in order? I'm sure the good
would not hold that against you, but I know how embarrassing it could have been for you, what with newspapers tossed onto piles of unmentionables that needed laundering, and what-have-you.
Better luck next time, Dear, and I do so hope that your new wife will keep everything "spic and span".
A blessed evening to you, Dear,
Sincerely, Isabella W.
(Mrs.) Isabella White
Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "
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