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HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN A seasonal forum to NOT celebrate Satan's birthday.

 
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Talking What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-02-2011, 07:03 PM
Even though I live in the most exclusive and devout neighborhood in all of Freehold, Apostle's Grove, we still get trick or treaters up here. Those ghetto hoodrats from Des Moines drive all the way out here and park their cars at the end of the roads and go trick or treating. I guess they think us rich folk will be passing out more than candy, like Rolexes, pearl necklaces, or Jacuzzi™ suits. Usually the Freehold P.D. (and the private security) does a great job chasing them off, but a few slip through the cracks.

Well, on Halloween a couple of teenagers managed to get to my front door. They rang. I ordered my butler not to answer, as I saw it was teenagers through my security cameras. Unfortunately, my security chief was in the john at the time. He told me he was unable to immediately chase them off on account of the shady Mexican restaurant he ate at earlier in the day. The damn kids kept ringing my doorbell. One of them even tripped and knocked over one of my flood lights!

It was time to take matters into my own hands. I grabbed my vintage Colt pearl-handed revolver and stormed to the front door with it. As soon as I opened the door, with Ol' Bessy gleaming from my hand, the kids screamed and fled. But, I wasn't done scaring them yet. I intended to give them a nice warning shot to ensure that they don't come back.

Unfortunately, I forgot how inaccurate the pistol has been with age, and even though I aimed really wide, one of the bullets hit a teenager and down he went. "Damn it", I thought. I mulled over calling an ambulance, but I figured one of his friends probably had a cellphone and could call one in. I closed the door and went back to my living room to watch some Netflix.

About a half hour later, I get a knock on the door. It's my good friend Officer Don W. Richards. We greeted each other with a holy kiss (Rom. 16:16) and got up to date with each other. He was telling me about the punks he's been busting at work, I told them about the mess we had in accounting. It's a living! Anyways, he said he was there to ask me about the shooting. I explained to him it was an honest mistake. The shot didn't go as planned. I was just trying to scare the dickens out of the little bastards.

"Yea, I know.", he said. "You have no idea how many times an errant warning shot has turned into a clean hit, or even a fatality." I'm glad I had someone with intimate knowledge of this situation. "Besides, he's a teenager and kids heal fast. He'll be back up in no time. All it did was shatter his knee cap. Nothing serious. He should hopefully be able to walk normally in the future." That was a relief to hear. I invited Don in for some brandy and cigars, but he swore that he has his duty to fulfill and that justice never sleeps. I bid him good night.
.
All in all, the night wasn't as bad as it could've been. No charges were filed against me. The teenager is now in court on charges of trespassing (entering my property), loitering (waiting for me to answe the door), vandalism (tripping over a flood light), attempted robbery (demanding candy from me), and conspiracy (they came up with that idea together). I learned my lesson, the teenager learned his, and the world is a little brighter now.


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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-02-2011, 07:39 PM
That's pretty good, but I shot two kids on Halloween night. Granted, it was only one shot, and the shells were filled with rock salt, but the sound of cocking and loading my 12 gauge and the look on those kids' faces was worth all of the grief I got when their mom called to complain. I have a 'no soliciting' sign on the gate; can't your kids read English?

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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-02-2011, 08:02 PM
That was a pretty rough Halloween for Freehold; the guard shack was egged and someone spray painted "spooky" on the back of it. We're still trying to figure out how the kids got him but with 250 miles of fences in Freehold that's a lot to patrol.

Glad to feel your safe Rev after that attack. That's why we have private gun ownership in this country.


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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-02-2011, 08:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
...That's why we have private gun ownership in this country.
Absolutely! It's obviously the job of a "well-regulated militia" to terrorize children looking for candy.

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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-02-2011, 08:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
That's pretty good, but I shot two kids on Halloween night. Granted, it was only one shot, and the shells were filled with rock salt, but the sound of cocking and loading my 12 gauge and the look on those kids' faces was worth all of the grief I got when their mom called to complain. I have a 'no soliciting' sign on the gate; can't your kids read English?
What part of trick or treat don't they understand?

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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-02-2011, 10:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Absolutely! It's obviously the job of a "well-regulated militia" to terrorize children looking for candy.


Did you read the bit these were teenagers? If Revered Jim had been unarmed, like you want, he might have been RAPED like what happened to the named pastor last year in Freehold!


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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-02-2011, 10:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
That's pretty good, but I shot two kids on Halloween night.
One-upper.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Absolutely! It's obviously the job of a "well-regulated militia" to terrorize children looking for candy.
Excuse me? They were trying to rob us for candy. Not "looking for". They were clearly threatening me with "Trick or treat". Either I give them the treat they seek, or they are going to "trick" me, which is usually grievous bodily harm. I'm sick of you liberal scumbags who try and defend such filth. It's always "He had a bad childhood so he raped those kids!" or "The economy made him rob that store!".

Why do you love criminals over honest law-abiding citizens? Serious question.


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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 01:01 AM
I just let my dogs out. That keeps the little demons away.

One of them coughed up a finger the next morning.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 07:49 AM
Just wow.

Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done
abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 12:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post

All in all, the night wasn't as bad as it could've been. No charges were filed against me. The teenager is now in court on charges of trespassing (entering my property), loitering (waiting for me to answe the door), vandalism (tripping over a flood light), attempted robbery (demanding candy from me), and conspiracy (they came up with that idea together). I learned my lesson, the teenager learned his, and the world is a little brighter now.
I need to check the "rotation" schedule to see if the little hooligans land in front of my bench.

Reverand Jim, will you also be suing for damages to your property?

The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 01:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Revelator View Post
Just wow.
I know, it's pretty shocking the kind of persecution we TRUE Christians™ face, even in our homes. If the story was fully told it would make the Holocaust pale by comparison.


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James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 05:03 PM
Rev. Osborne, this is the first I heard of your ordeal. Are you OK? Did the kick back from the revolver hurt your wrist? I remember you complaining about it the last time we were at the club, enjoying a very heterosexual steam bath.
I trust the flood light was repaired and you did not have to replace them all to make them match. As I have told you before the statues of Gabriel with his Golden horn, having the light emanate from them is a sight to behold in the late evening.

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Miracle's Avatar
Miracle Miracle is offline
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Miracle is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 06:03 PM
You guys are not Christians, you are Jews trying to find an excuse not having to buy candy!
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James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
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Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Smile Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miracle View Post
You guys are not Christians, you are Jews trying to find an excuse not having to buy candy!
I buy kids candy all the time. Often, I'll meet a strapping young fellow and invite hime over to talk about Jesus and have an all day sucker. But we certainly do not give it away to filthy beggars.
Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
We do not celebrate the holiday of Satan.

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
(#15)
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Redeemed Papist's Avatar
Redeemed Papist Redeemed Papist is offline
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Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Redeemed Papist will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 06:39 PM
Buying kids candy makes you a Jew?

Who knew!


Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
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Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.
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Bobby-Joe's Avatar
Bobby-Joe Bobby-Joe is offline
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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-03-2011, 07:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miracle View Post
You guys are not Christians, you are Jews trying to find an excuse not having to buy candy!
Nice try but Halloween is a Celtic pagan holiday. Just the atheists replaced the hollowed out turnips with pumpkins. Even the Headless Horseman is pagan.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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t3hHoliB1ble t3hHoliB1ble is offline
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Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-05-2011, 01:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Nice try but Halloween is a Celtic pagan holiday. Just the atheists replaced the hollowed out turnips with pumpkins. Even the Headless Horseman is pagan.
You people are insane.

Halloween is just a fun celebration. There is no such things as witches or headless horsemen or demons. "Trick or treat" is merely a phrase. It does not literally mean "Give me candy or I'll trick you".
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Marshall's Avatar
Marshall Marshall is offline
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Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-05-2011, 01:24 PM
Be silent you filthy athien scum! Celebrating Satans birthday by dressing in disguises and tormenting the population is OBVIOUSLY wrong. I spent the entire night patrolling my property and gently shooting at intruders and goblins who came near.

Looking for a handout based on religious ideology is disgusting. I am very glad I am a True Christian™ and dont have to worry about that, I pay my tithes(Platinum Level I might add) and I roundly condemn such things.

God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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t3hHoliB1ble t3hHoliB1ble is offline
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t3hHoliB1ble is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-05-2011, 01:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshall View Post
Be silent you filthy athien scum! Celebrating Satans birthday by dressing in disguises and tormenting the population is OBVIOUSLY wrong. I spent the entire night patrolling my property and gently shooting at intruders and goblins who came near.

Looking for a handout based on religious ideology is disgusting. I am very glad I am a True Christian™ and dont have to worry about that, I pay my tithes(Platinum Level I might add) and I roundly condemn such things.
Why do you think it's Satan's birthday? They don't torment anyone, they just knock on doors and politely ask for a treat. And you can't "gently" shoot at someone.
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Marshall's Avatar
Marshall Marshall is offline
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One Year/1000 posts Long service medal, 2nd class Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Saved 5 Years True Christian Provider™ award 2008 Witch Hunt Award Real American™ Platinum Tither Heaven Bound Punched the most queers Protected by JESUS Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot True Christian Hotrodder Home Schooled Friend of Jesus Flat Earth True Christian Justice of the Peace Eats the Most Pork Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Hatchet Child Rearing Award Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Sons of Liberty Prayer Warrior True Christian Hotrodder

 
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Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Marshall will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: What did you do on Halloween? I shot a kid. - 11-05-2011, 01:50 PM
It is Satans birthday because it is. I used 22s so as not to hurt the little hippies. I dont want to kill them, just teach them that Jesus is Lord and if I have to do it with a rifle while sitting in a tree in camo then so be it. Halloween teaches kids to love the Devil and to ask for handouts, if the handouts dont happen then they threaten to vandalize private property.

Its like Liberals and Democrats have their own holiday and I dont support it. Occupy a pew not my driveway you little beggars.

God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
 
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