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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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JohnnyTightLips JohnnyTightLips is offline
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Cool high! - 06-21-2015, 08:48 AM
high everybody . i have already made 2 intros a while ago but thought i'd make another cuz i lost my way a few times and now am back. i used to be gay then i stopped then started again then stopped again. i would like some advice as to how i can be cured of gay for good. i still watch gay porno sometimes cuz i'm addicted and it's better than letting men penetrate me all the time.

also another question, i was thinking about this earlier and i think that if i have sex with as many women as i did men then it will cancel out all my sins. does that make sense? i would have to think about men when i did it though and could only have anal sex cuz female sex organs are just icky. i've slept with about 25 different men, multiple times with most, given hundreds of blowjobs and handjobs, and given countless rimjobs. i've got a lot of work to do!

please pray for me. as jeesus said "a prayer is a wish your heart makes!" (in the book of Matt i think. not sure what page.)

thank you all my friends in jeesus. i will see you in Heaven eventually.
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Default Re: high! - 06-21-2015, 09:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyTightLips View Post
...i think that if i have sex with as many women as i did men then it will cancel out all my sins...
If the Bible is any guide, this is the response you'll get from the guy who created the universe:



Seriously, do us all a favour and read the damned thing.

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Default Re: high! - 06-21-2015, 09:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
If the Bible is any guide, this is the response you'll get from the guy who created the universe:



Seriously, do us all a favour and read the damned thing.
im sorry if i upset you sir. i have read the bible many times. i prefer the NAB though cuz it is way better than the KJV. i don't know this king james fellow but my only king is jeesus. speaking of which, i don't think j dog would middle finger me. he's a nice guy and i love him lots.
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Default Re: high! - 06-21-2015, 10:41 AM
1. Congratulations on getting high, I guess.


2. Do I have to go looking for the specific Bible verses prohibiting premarital sex and fornication, or will you just trust me that they are there, and these are not things you're allowed to do?

3. Honestly, we don't care that you claim to have stopped engaging in gay sex, and we're not interested in your scheme to prove your heterosexuality by fornicating with women. You can be the biggest heterosexual on the face of the Earth, and you'll still burn in Hell for aeternity if you don't accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

You need Jesus.

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Default Re: high! - 06-21-2015, 10:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyTightLips View Post
im sorry if i upset you sir...
Not upset, just disappointed.

Quote:
...i have read the bible many times...
Male cattle droppings (the admins get upset when I use the word BULLSHIT).

Quote:
...i prefer the NAB...
Which doesn't exist. Do you mean the NASB (New American Standard Bible)?

Quote:
...though cuz it is way better than the KJV...
Why?

Quote:
...i don't know this king james fellow but my only king is jeesus...
Jesus (in the Bible) acknowledges the existence of kings on Earth, and says you HAVE to obey them:

Titus 3:1 "Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,"

But hey, everything else in the Bible is wrong (according to you) so that must be, too. Because you know better than God (who is Jesus).

Quote:
...speaking of which, i don't think j dog would middle finger me...
You may be right. He'd probably look at the amount of effort you've put into doing what He told you to (which starts with actually reading the Bible to know what He wants), and not bother making that much effort before tossing your sacrilegious, profane behind into Hell.

Quote:
...he's a nice guy and i love him lots.
Stop lying.

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Default Re: high! - 06-21-2015, 03:07 PM
A very cautious "welcome back" to you. The fact that you have returned to these Godly forums indicates a desire to change your ways and get right with God. However, "doing the deed" with women instead of men will not help you, as it's still fornication and still a sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18 and 1 Corinthians 7:2 should tell you that and if you actually read the KJV 1611 Bible, you'd know this. Also, it really wasn't necessary for you to give us a summary of your, ahem, sexual history. There are True Christian™ men, women, and children who don't need to see that kind of information.

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: high! - 06-21-2015, 04:35 PM
Dear Johnny;

Welcome to God's favorite forum. The best way to get the queer demons out of your soul is a good old fashioned expensive exorcism. Send me your credit card numbers (via the link to my confidential email you can find below in my signature) and I'll see what I can do for you. The fact that you are studying from a demonic false bible troubles me, and indicates that satan has a firm grip on your short hairs. Please see my Sermon HERE on how to tell which Bible version is the one TRUE Word of God.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: high! - 06-21-2015, 06:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyTightLips View Post
im sorry if i upset you sir. i have read the bible many times. i prefer the NAB though cuz it is way better than the KJV. i don't know this king james fellow but my only king is jeesus. speaking of which, i don't think j dog would middle finger me. he's a nice guy and i love him lots.
Don't worry about upsetting Mr. Much. He's a bitter fool who has been taken on as a mission project. While he may be a arrogant, atheist dick, nevertheless he is familiar with the Word of God (which is how we know he will repent before he dies, Romans 10:17). In any case, he is correct. Jesus has no affection for those who offend him. He'll Sparta-kick them straight to Hell, and that includes Sodomites such as yourself (Leviticus 20:13).

I hope that helps.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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