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Default Day 299. Luke 7-9 - 07-18-2014, 07:42 PM

Luke 7-9

There's a lot more rehashing of stories that we've already just read, some are a little bit different than before.

2 And a certain centurion's servant, who was dear unto him, was sick, and ready to die.

This seems to be a new story. Wait, no, it's in Matthew 8.

So Jesus heals the guys servant. Except... this story gets more interesting...

Doing a Google search for "Jesus heals cen" it starts to autocomplete.

It seems there's some interesting language used that can be translated into various ways. Apparently in Luke the word used is Greek and is Pais.
Apparently the word can mean several things... but the most interesting thing that it could be is "lover". So, Jesus healed the gay lover of a centurion.

But, since he knew it was the guys gay lover, Jesus didn't even have to do very much to heal him.

6 Then Jesus went with them. And when he was now not far from the house, the centurion sent friends to him, saying unto him, Lord, trouble not thyself: for I am not worthy that thou shouldest enter under my roof:

His place was probably just a mess with gay porn and other ass ramming things laying about the house and he didn't want Jesus to have to go in to see it. (Jesus didn't really want to go into that den of gay orgy-ness anyway.)

7 Wherefore neither thought I myself worthy to come unto thee: but say in a word, and my servant shall be healed.

The gay (I mean) guy, was like. I'm a leader, when i tell people to do it, they do it, you are a leader, you don't have to lay hands on my buttxecks friend, just say it and he'll be healed. And Jesus was like "i like this guy (he's icky butt) I like him".

9 When Jesus heard these things, he marvelled at him, and turned him about, and said unto the people that followed him, I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.

So, while Jesus was against the Roman occupation, he didn't necessarily dislike everyone who was there at the time. (Why didn't this centurion testify on Jesus behalf at the trial, surely he had sway with Pilate?)

10 And they that were sent, returning to the house, found the servant whole that had been sick.

So, they all shoved their fists up his ass in celebration. (That's what the gays do, right?)

Jesus then raises a dead kid in Nain.

15 And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And he delivered him to his mother.

Most people only remember the Lazarus story of raising people from the dead. But this kid is in there, in addition to Jarius' daughter (mentioned in Matthew, Mark and in a little bit).

19 And John calling unto him two of his disciples sent them to Jesus, saying, Art thou he that should come? or look we for another?

That's John the Baptist. Why didn't John remember baptizing Jesus, and the whole "dove coming down" and voice yelling "this is my beloved son"... Why is John sending people to ask if Jesus is the messiah?

Jesus didn't really say anything, he just healed a bunch of people, cast out demons, and fixed blindness.

22 Then Jesus answering said unto them, Go your way, and tell John what things ye have seen and heard; how that the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, to the poor the gospel is preached.

Jesus is then like "what did you expect me to be?"

25 But what went ye out for to see? A man clothed in soft raiment? Behold, they which are gorgeously apparelled, and live delicately, are in kings' courts.

26 But what went ye out for to see? A prophet? Yea, I say unto you, and much more than a prophet.

27 This is he, of whom it is written, Behold, I send my messenger before thy face, which shall prepare thy way before thee.

28 For I say unto you, Among those that are born of women there is not a greater prophet than John the Baptist: but he that is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he.


33 For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine; and ye say, He hath a devil.

34 The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners!

Jesus was kind of like the Master in that doctor Who christmas episode, where the Master turned the entire world into a bunch of mini-masters (then the time lords returned). That scene where the Master is tearing into the turkey... that's kind of like Jesus.

Or he's like in the Fifth Element, when Leeluu Dallas (multipass) is hungry and eats all the chicken.

Then a lady comes in with an alabaster box of ointment.

38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.

39 Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.

Jesus is like, when I got here, did YOU wash my feet? did YOU anoint my head with oil? Did YOU kiss my feet? No, slackers, why the heck are you mad at her?!?!?!

47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.

I like the little dig "which are many". Hey, when you have more sins, you are more thankful for having them forgiven. (which is actually a parable above in Luke 7:41-44)

It sort of reminds me of Rasputin. It's rumored that he belonged to a group called the Khlysts (or Khlysty). The main belief of the Khlystys was grace. They believed that the only way for you to really get to know God was by allowing him to forgive you. The only way to do that was to sin. Since Rasputin was afflicted with the same preDICKament as me, there were lots of women who allowed him to practice sin on. The more you sin, the more you are forgiven. The more you are forgiven, the more it's proof that God loves you.

50 And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.

She was forgiven a LOT!

Luke 8

Jesus tells the story of the seed again (eaten by birds, on rock, in weeds, and on good ground).

Jesus talks bad about his family.

20 And it was told him by certain which said, Thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to see thee.

21 And he answered and said unto them, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it.

He then falls asleep on the boat, with the storm, and rebukes the wind (mostly because it scared the 12, who woke him up).

Then he casts out Legion into the pigs.

41 And, behold, there came a man named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue: and he fell down at Jesus' feet, and besought him that he would come into his house:

42 For he had one only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she lay a dying. But as he went the people thronged him.

On the way was the "who touched me" story. Then the girl dies, Jesus raises her.

51 And when he came into the house, he suffered no man to go in, save Peter, and James, and John, and the father and the mother of the maiden.

Mark 5:37 And he suffered no man to follow him, save Peter, and James, and John the brother of James.

Mark leaves off the mom and dad.

Luke 9

Jesus sends the 12 out to go heal.

3 And he said unto them, Take nothing for your journey, neither staves, nor scrip, neither bread, neither money; neither have two coats apiece.

Mark 6:8 And commanded them that they should take nothing for their journey, save a staff only; no scrip, no bread, no money in their purse:

In Mark, he said no staff, here he says no staff.

7 Now Herod the tetrarch heard of all that was done by him: and he was perplexed, because that it was said of some, that John was risen from the dead;

At some point in the Luke narrative, John the B dies... we don't know when. It's odd because John had just sent his disciples to find out who Jesus was.

Jesus then feeds the 5000 with 5 and 2.

Jesus asks the guys who people think he is.

19 They answering said, John the Baptist; but some say, Elias; and others say, that one of the old prophets is risen again.

John was really famous. People knew who he was. Jesus was famous, people knew who he was. Why would the people get the 2 confused.

Jesus then takes Peter, John, and James up to a mountain. The guys fall asleep, Jesus meets with Moses and Elias (Elisha).

Jesus apparently needs another snickers.

52 And sent messengers before his face: and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him.

53 And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem.

54 And when his disciples James and John saw this, they said, Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did?

55 But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.

56 For the Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them. And they went to another village.

57 And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way, a certain man said unto him, Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest.

58 And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

59 And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father.

60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.

61 And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house.

62 And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.

He's like, dude i'm tired, but you aren't giving me a place to sleep. I'm not here for your CONVENIENCE!!! I'm the bridegroom! I'm the MASTER! You don't feed me when it's convenient for you. You don't give me some wine! YOU GIVE ME THE BEST WINE!!! You don't say I'll follow you, but first i gotta do this thing! You either follow me now, or you don't!

Where's my fig!

So what have we learned today?

1. Jesus may have healed a gay.

2. God forgives 100%, so if you are going to declare bankruptcy, you might as well run up your credit cards first.

3. When Jesus is there, you don't hold back, you give him the best. Don't save the best for tomorrow, give him the best NOW. Tomorrow (if he's still there) you can give him the next best. But while he's there, he gets the best.

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Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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