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Default An Apology from Landover - 10-18-2008, 08:58 PM

BACKGROUND:
You may have noticed that various people and organizations have been apologizing for various misdeeds. The Catlix seem to have apologized for almost every vice known to mankind and 23 that they invented themselves. Presidents and Prime Ministers world wide have expressed regret for their ancestors’ doings and we at Landover, taken with this method of avoiding lawsuits and gaining politically correct credentials, have decided to do likewise.

Truth be told, living absolutely by the word of God has left us with little or nothing for which to apologize. Unlike others, who have judged themselves by today’s secular standards, God’s standards are eternal and perfect – what’s good then, slavery, stoning homers, the subservience of women, animal sacrifices, is good now.

However, searching through the dusty archives, one event did come to light.

THE HISTORY:
So let me set the scene; it is the 8th April of 1753, George II was on the throne and, somewhat late, news had reached the colony of Landover that in Britain the Jacobite papists had been all been mercilessly slaughtered and their houses burned, so everyone was happy. The winter had been relatively mild and only a few babies had been eaten (Lev 26:l4-39) and they were all piccaninnies.

The Senior Pastor was Hezekiah Worthy, who was often blessed by hearing God’s voice speak to him directly. The Pastor had dismissed his flock after a sermon of 5¾ hours on the prevalence of demons. (It is noted that such was the power of his preaching that two members of the congregation died of Astonishment of the Heart (De:28:28) and 7 had fully relieved their bowels involuntarily such that they were required to leave the church early.)

THE START OF THE INCIDENT
Following the Godly message and it being a fine day, Brother Shadrach Abednego, had taken his musket and departed to hunt Ivory Billed Woodpecker. He had entered into the forest not more than one mile when he heard voices. Approaching cautiously, he observed 8 homunculi in a clearing and deep conversation. Realizing that his weapon alone was not sufficient to send the creatures to Damnation, he returned swiftly to the settlement and informed Pastor Worthy.

THE CONSULTATION WITH PASTOR WORTHY
He found the good Pastor in deep conversation with an oil lamp, through which, unbeknownst to Brother Abednigo, God was speaking to the Pastor.

Brother Abednego vouchsafed his intelligence, which, he later recalled, had little effect upon the Pastor. He waited a while and the Pastor turned to him and quoted Nu:31:17-18: “Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.”

Brother Abednego was a little surprised and pointed out that he had seen no womenfolk. Pastor Worthy then appeared to address a cupboard and quoted 1Sa:27:8-9, “And David and his men went up, and invaded the Geshurites, and the Gezrites, and the Amalekites: for those nations were of old the inhabitants of the land, as thou goest to Shur, even unto the land of Egypt. And David smote the land, and left neither man nor woman alive, and took away the sheep, and the oxen, and the asses, and the camels, and the apparel, and returned, and came to Achish.”

Brother Abednego, rather than explain there was no cattle either, then left and rounded up a group of 63 men and told how the homunculi must be killed. The armed band then set forth for the forest. It is recorded that Pastor Worthy made an inexplicable appearance (bearing the earlier referenced oil lamp) as the group entered the woods but walked a little apart from the other men.

THE EVENTS IN THE CLEARING
On reaching the clearing, the homunculi were still there and still in conversation. The Godly Pastor nodded and all the homunculi were killed. (It was only later that it transpired that the homunculi were in fact midgets taking a break from a travelling freak show.)

The noises brought members of the Iowa tribe to see what was happening. On seeing the arrival of the Redskin, who had been of great help during the past years to the colony, Pastor gave the order, quoting Jer:13:14, “And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them.” The men reloaded and shot the Redskins.

THE TRIBULATIONS OF LAMENTATION JONES
In the uncomfortable silence that followed, a member of the group, Lamentations Jones, was heard to say, “That was a bit severe.” Whereupon Pastor Worthy approached him, anointed him with the oil from the lamp and ignited him with his tinderbox, all the while reciting Nu:11:1, And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.

As Lamentation Jones writhed on the ground in his death throes, the Good Pastor announced, from Isa:13:16, “Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished.”

Fearing both the wrath of The Lord and that of the Pastor, the men did as commanded and the Indian village was consumed utterly, the papooses were held by the feet and swung against rocks and the women raped.

THE GLORIOUS END
At the conclusion, Pastor Worthy stood amongst the smoldering embers and screaming survivors and announced, “Ex:15:6: Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.”

The dead numbered 79, of the 23 survivors, 18 took their own lives within a year and the rest died of disease or malnutrition shortly afterwards.

THE REGRETS
And now you can clearly see the need for an apology. The actions were unforgiveable. Some have questioned Pastor Worthy’s sanity (but never more than once) others have put it down to a misquoting of scripture (and have been dealt with). But the fact remains; this was an appalling event for which no one may be lightly forgiven.

OFFICIAL APOLOGY:
Landover expresses its deepest regrets – there was absolutely no reason to go out and kill anyone that day. As you will be aware, 8th April 1753 was a Sunday, and no work should have been done on The Lord’s Day.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 10-18-2008, 09:06 PM

Amen Brother! Amen.

Thanks for sharing this wonderful story.




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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 08:54 PM

Well that certainly made for interesting reading.


Revelation 13:1-2 "1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. 2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority."
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 09:25 PM

I note that (the late) Brother Worthy and his band of True Believers did a very thorough job and there were no survivors from that group of homunculi.

All the better since in this day and age any surviving relatives would step forward and demand reparations.

It's good that our apoligies will be enough.


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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 09:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor View Post
All the better since in this day and age any surviving relatives would step forward and demand reparations.
On the subject of reparations...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMFJB...eature=related


Revelation 13:1-2 "1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. 2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority."
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 10:40 PM

How does a spaced-out Darkie with a stolen truck fit in here?





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 10:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
How does a spaced-out Darkie with a stolen truck fit in here?
Just showing what somebody would do if they actually received some kind of reparations whether it be Indian, black, etc.


Revelation 13:1-2 "1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. 2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority."
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 11:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Christina Nickson View Post
Just showing what somebody would do if they actually received some kind of reparations whether it be Indian, black, etc.
You show real promise, (potential future Sister) Nickson. Keep up the solid work in spotting how "those that shall not be named" squander our precious national resources on things like trucks, food stamps, and Colt 45.

Even though you're a female, I predict a promising future for you - although I'm troubled by your use of the capital "I" in the word "indian."


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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 11:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Christina Nickson View Post
Just showing what somebody would do if they actually received some kind of reparations whether it be Indian, black, etc.
So why can't I claim Reparations for the Catholic church stealing my families land back in 1725? Why can't I claim reparations for my poor grandfather who was a broom makers apprentice (basically meaning he was a slave)?

Could it be because I'm white? Could it be because I'm from European descent?

The way you blacks whine you'd think you were the only people ever treated badly in your entire lives. Here's a question for you; how is it the Japanese have pulled themselves out of slavery and having everything stripped from them only 60 years ago, yet Negro's can't get their act together in 150 years? Please explain this to me, because you can't claim it's racism, just as many people hate the Japs as hate Negro's.


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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 11:25 PM

Sister BIG, I have, even as we speak, sent an email to Iowa's Godly Representative, Steven King, demanding reparations for yout sorely mis-treated ancestor - he of the broom-making slavery.

I'm sure Representative King will see to it you are fairly compensated. I recommended one million dollars in cash, in non-denomiational order. If you feel it should be more, please contact me and I will resend the request.


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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-03-2010, 11:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelieverInGod View Post
So why can't I claim Reparations for the Catholic church stealing my families land back in 1725? Why can't I claim reparations for my poor grandfather who was a broom makers apprentice (basically meaning he was a slave)?

Could it be because I'm white? Could it be because I'm from European descent?

The way you blacks whine you'd think you were the only people ever treated badly in your entire lives. Here's a question for you; how is it the Japanese have pulled themselves out of slavery and having everything stripped from them only 60 years ago, yet Negro's can't get their act together in 150 years? Please explain this to me, because you can't claim it's racism, just as many people hate the Japs as hate Negro's.
1. You have a perfect right to make a claim though whether you get anything is pretty much up in the air.

2. What happened in 1725 that the Catholic Church took your land and also where was this land at?

3. I really don't see a possibility of getting anything as far your grandfather is concerned. By the way, what years did he serve this appenticeship?

4. Just so you know, I'm not black. I'm not sure what would cause you to assume this.

I guess my point is that there are groups of people from every race that if they received reparations they may not use the money wisely.


Revelation 13:1-2 "1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. 2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority."
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-04-2010, 12:25 AM

The apology for breaking the Sabbath on 8th April 1753 is long over do. However I agree with most scholars that the church brethren at the time were forced into it by the Indians who threatened our church members by showing up in a large, unarmed group.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-04-2010, 12:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor View Post
Sister BIG, I have, even as we speak, sent an email to Iowa's Godly Representative, Steven King, demanding reparations for yout sorely mis-treated ancestor - he of the broom-making slavery.

I'm sure Representative King will see to it you are fairly compensated. I recommended one million dollars in cash, in non-denomiational order. If you feel it should be more, please contact me and I will resend the request.
Amen Brother, Jesus talks directly to Rep King on a regular basis telling him what to say.

Anything Rep King says comes directly from the gentle guidance of our Lord.




Leviticus 26:27-29

27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-04-2010, 10:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelieverInGod
Could it be because I'm white? Could it be because I'm from European descent?
That is very true. My ancestors were transported as convicts, but no-one has apologised to me!

Quote:
The way you blacks whine you'd think you were the only people ever treated badly in your entire lives. Here's a question for you; how is it the Japanese have pulled themselves out of slavery and having everything stripped from them only 60 years ago, yet Negro's can't get their act together in 150 years? Please explain this to me..
–> it's not an explanation, but in Africa they've had 4½ thousand years to "get it right"
Perhaps in America they are doing better?
(although an exception might be made for Liberia maybe)
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-26-2011, 07:58 AM

Ezekiel, thank you so much for sharing with us that very compelling piece of Landover church history!

I must admit, however, that I'm not convinced the Landover Baptist Church owes anybody an apology.

Why? Because the Bible clearly authorizes us to do good on the Sabbath:

Quote:
Matthew 12:11-12

11And he said unto them, What man shall there be among you, that shall have one sheep, and if it fall into a pit on the sabbath day, will he not lay hold on it, and lift it out?

12How much then is a man better than a sheep? Wherefore it is lawful to do well on the sabbath days.
Whether saving sheep or defending one's community against homunculi, if God commands you to work on the Sabbath, well, that's what you're going to do, right?

Please understand I am not for one second questioning the judgment of our fine pastors, but I would just hate to think that they'd been bullied by the politically correct into offering an apology when none was called for.

Thank you for hearing me out on this, and please just take it as me needing to have my confusion cleared up, as opposed to me doubting Landover leadership's decisions.


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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-26-2011, 02:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
... the Bible clearly authorizes us to do good on the Sabbath:

Whether saving sheep or defending one's community against homunculi, if God commands you to work on the Sabbath, well, that's what you're going to do, right? ...
Dear Faith Machine,

On the Sabbath, it is as well to distinguish between "compulsory acts of goodness" and "voluntary acts of goodness."

We are compelled to save the sheep, which is a symbol for all the sheep that follow Jesus, whereas we are not compelled to go out of our way to avert evil, ensure the life of another or anything else that might make us break out in a sweat.

It might seem like a good thing to go and kill some homunculi, but this is a voluntary act. I will repeat unto you Jesus's Words:

M't:6:13: And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

God does not tempt us to disobey His Commands: He may show us iniquity but this is to be dealt with in its own time and He would have delivered Landover from the evil.

I hope this clears the matter up.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-26-2011, 02:45 PM

In keeping with the spirit of this thread, I would like to offer a heartfelt apology for not reading this excellent thread before now. I would urge anyone reading this post who has somehow not read the start of this thread, or who has read the start of this thread and then immediately forgotten it, to go back and educate yourself about a fascinating piece of Christian history. Those homunculi are wily folk.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-26-2011, 10:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
MATTHEW: deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
Romans 5:12-19 Is it ever possible for actual homunculi to be cleansed? Would they ever be covered bt Christ's atonement?

I am rather concerned that there may be a crop of these wretches sprouting (or whatever it is they do) in the forest around here, due to the depraved antics of heathens who prowl around, shamelessly, by day and by night.

I understand that they have inherited sin through Adam, Mr Bathfire. As yet I have not seen one but there are often unusual smells. Any advice greatly appreciated.

Concerned.
PS I do not go looking for this abomination after midnight on Saturday.

PPS Is there any chance that these things could be surviving pre-Adamite stock?
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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-26-2011, 11:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Dear Faith Machine,

On the Sabbath, it is as well to distinguish between "compulsory acts of goodness" and "voluntary acts of goodness."

We are compelled to save the sheep, which is a symbol for all the sheep that follow Jesus, whereas we are not compelled to go out of our way to avert evil, ensure the life of another or anything else that might make us break out in a sweat.

It might seem like a good thing to go and kill some homunculi, but this is a voluntary act. I will repeat unto you Jesus's Words:

M't:6:13: And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

God does not tempt us to disobey His Commands: He may show us iniquity but this is to be dealt with in its own time and He would have delivered Landover from the evil.

I hope this clears the matter up.
Ah, thank you so much for clarifying that, Pastor Bathfire! I am awed by your understanding of His Word!


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Default Re: An Apology from Landover - 12-26-2011, 11:17 PM

And now that that clarification is out of the way, I fear I have even more questions. This one is a scientific one:

I was given to understand that tiny homunculi are present in human sperm, and that this is how a sperm grows into a baby. Am I mistaken in this assumption? And is it safe to assume that the homunculi with which Landover battled in the forest were an entirely different kind of thing?

That is to say, can the term "homunculi" refer to two very different types of being? I hardly think that a human baby could have its origins in the wretched creatures described in this story we're discussing.


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