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Simon of Cyrese Simon of Cyrese is offline
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Default Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 08:15 PM
5 years ago I was brutally raped by 5 homosexual baptist pastors. I was distraught. I never thought those men of god, the ones who say they follow the bible and preach against sin and homosexuality would commit homosexual rape. I was disillusioned with the lies of the baptist church and found a new church. The new church was the church of satan. From the beginning i began to feel better. It made me aware of the sin and the corrupt people in the world. It also made me aware of human nature. I no longer follow all of that B.S. the baptists say we should do. here at the church of satan we embrace lust because that is human nature. We have multiple orgies. We have tons of sex, gay sex, and any kind of sex you want. We have gay marriages and tons of wedding celebrations. We also have free abortions for women who get really naughty, but in a good way. My high priest has also assured me that the baptist pastors who raped me will suffer in hell, and i will be the one to torture them. And the pastors of landover baptist better be good, because when they go to hell it will be up to me to decide their fate their.:d evil:
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 08:37 PM
boring! I hear there's a sale on Stridex pimple cream at Walgreen's. You better get moving.

Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 08:44 PM
What's with all the umlauts?

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in 2016
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 08:47 PM
What's an oomlout? Some kind of midget demon?

Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 08:59 PM
i was really looking for a church to join, after reading your post simon i realized i that i know exactly what church to join, and its not landover baptist. it is the church of satan, the only church that will give me eternal happiness.
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Simon of Cyrese View Post
5 years ago I was .....*snip*
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 09:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Led zeppelin fan View Post
i was really looking for a church to join, after reading your post simon i realized i that i know exactly what church to join, and its not landover baptist. it is the church of satan, the only church that will give me eternal happiness.

Good for you! Does that mean you'll be leaving now?
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 09:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simon of Cyrese View Post
5 years ago I was brutally raped by 5 homosexual baptist pastors. I was distraught. I never thought those men of god, the ones who say they follow the bible and preach against sin and homosexuality would commit homosexual rape. I was disillusioned with the lies of the baptist church and found a new church. The new church was the church of satan. From the beginning i began to feel better. It made me aware of the sin and the corrupt people in the world. It also made me aware of human nature. I no longer follow all of that B.S. the baptists say we should do. here at the church of satan we embrace lust because that is human nature. We have multiple orgies. We have tons of sex, gay sex, and any kind of sex you want. We have gay marriages and tons of wedding celebrations. We also have free abortions for women who get really naughty, but in a good way. My high priest has also assured me that the baptist pastors who raped me will suffer in hell, and i will be the one to torture them. And the pastors of landover baptist better be good, because when they go to hell it will be up to me to decide their fate their.:d evil:
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

(don't steal our words, LBC; we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)

ACTS 5:29

Quote:
But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 09:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

(don't steal our words, LBC; we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)
The difference being that unlike Catlick exorcisms, Baptist exorcisms don't involve anal penetration.
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 09:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by VictoryOS View Post
What's with all the umlauts?
It's something that gothtard kids do to look cool and that makers of ice cream do to look upscale.

Ĺôőķ ăţ mě; İ'm ŝõ mëŧãł.

This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 09:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
[...]we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)
Tell me, did one ever work?




“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-26-2008, 11:08 PM
Brother Bob Larsen does exorcisms all of the time. And, to the best of my knowledge, he has never buggered a little boy:

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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-27-2008, 04:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

(don't steal our words, LBC; we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)
Foul demons of cracker worship and altar-boy-buggering, I bind you and cast you off of this site. You have no power over this site.

This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-27-2008, 04:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simon of Cyrese View Post
5 years ago I was brutally raped by 5 homosexual baptist pastors.

Where would you find 5 homosexual Baptist Pastors at once?

Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!

Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-28-2008, 04:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
Foul demons of cracker worship
We do not worship bread or wine. After the consecration, there is no bread or wine-only Jesus: Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.

Quote:
and altar-boy-buggering
Again, THE VAST MAJORITY OF PRIESTS ARE NOT CHILD MOLESTERS!

Quote:
I bind you and cast you off of this site. You have no power over this site.
Say, how would you like to take a ride in my time machine? (Where I'm taking you is a surprise)

ACTS 5:29

Quote:
But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-30-2008, 11:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
We do not worship bread or wine. After the consecration, there is no bread or wine-only Jesus: Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.
Book, chapter, and verse, please.

This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-30-2008, 12:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
Book, chapter, and verse, please.
1 Corinthians 11:23-29

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul
For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus, on the night he was handed over, took bread, and, after he had given thanks, broke it and said, "This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me." For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until he comes. Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself.
If it were just plain bread and wine, why would Paul say that whoever ate or drank in an unfit manner would be responsible for the Body and Blood of the Lord?

ACTS 5:29

Quote:
But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-30-2008, 12:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
1 Corinthians 11:23-29



If it were just plain bread and wine, why would Paul say that whoever ate or drank in an unfit manner would be responsible for the Body and Blood of the Lord?
I should have known!

Some nutjob makes a thread asking folks to worship satan, and who is it that can't wait to jump in and discuss his cult's depraved cannibalistic blood rituals. The papist.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-30-2008, 12:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
1 Corinthians 11:23-29



If it were just plain bread and wine, why would Paul say that whoever ate or drank in an unfit manner would be responsible for the Body and Blood of the Lord?
Actually, Romanist, the Bible passage that you cite directly contradicts the point that you're trying to make. If "there is no bread or wine" after the Catholic cannibal/vampire priest performs his ritual, then how is it possible to "eat this bread"?

This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

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Default Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan - 07-30-2008, 01:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
Actually, Romanist, the Bible passage that you cite directly contradicts the point that you're trying to make. If "there is no bread or wine" after the Catholic cannibal/vampire priest performs his ritual, then how is it possible to "eat this bread"?
Because Jesus is the Bread of Life (see your least favorite chapter, John 6).

And name-calling will get you nowhere-if it did, you'd all have converted back 500 years ago!

ACTS 5:29

Quote:
But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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