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Cake 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 12-31-2015, 03:47 PM



2016 is here any hour now. I don't have to give any promises: I shall just keep on following Jesus' Commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:13) and wait eagerly for Death (Genesis 27:2) and Heaven (Matthew 3:2), the Ultimate Prize for my sufferings that have been Severe (Hebrews 13:4).

What can we expect from the New Year?
Is if Finally going to be the Last One on Earth as we all hope and Pray?

Psalms 27:10
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.


We can expect lots of signs, many sinners will do their utmost to mock Jesus. We shall also see many signs that show us that the End is near, as we all hope and Pray. How can I say this? Because Creation Science has given the answers we're all looking for. Based on some time-consuming studies, our Rapture Research Team has investigated the number 2016 or "two thousand sixteen" as it can be written down. I am proud to present our results here:

1. What does this mean?



It means that there is going to be a lot of fornication of the atheist kind which means that all possible combinations and orifices will be heavily occupied by sinners. This IS a sign as the Bible tells us so:
Revelation 18:3
For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.
2. What does this mean?



It means that the Catholics are involved. They are renouncing Jesus at an ever-increasing rate. The harlot Catholic female nuns (Romans 1:26) are the ones principally involved in the harlotry. The Papist Church is probably the Great Whore. This IS a sign as the Bible tells us so:
Revelation 19:2
For true and righteous are his judgments: for he hath judged the great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication, and hath avenged the blood of his servants at her hand.
3. What does this mean, then?



It means that women are the principal culprits of the Great Fornication that is about to be unleashed. Add to this the inevitable male Sodomy and it is crystal clear that the year 2016 is going to be a hard one for Jesus to bear. He'll be observing un-Biblical acts of genital congress on a constant basis. This IS a sign as the Bible tells us so.
Revelation 18:3
For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.

Within the very physicochemical fabric of the year 2016 the Bible is interwoven in this intricate and unexpected manner.
  • It is going to be a bad year. Lots of sodomy and female sodomy to be witnessed.
  • It is going to be a glorious year. The Wrath of Jesus may be unleashed when these fornicators expect it the least.

John 3:36
He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.




Happy New Year 2016 for Everybody!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 12-31-2015, 05:27 PM

Thank you for this heads-up reminder, Brother Elmer.

Anyone paying attention to recent events can see 2016 is likely the year. When homers are placed ahead of God we all know God will take revenge.

The good news there is a short window of opportunity for those who need to repent for their sins. Friends, do it NOW!!


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Guns Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 12-31-2015, 06:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Thank you for this heads-up reminder, Brother Elmer.

Anyone paying attention to recent events can see 2016 is likely the year. When homers are placed ahead of God we all know God will take revenge.

The good news there is a short window of opportunity for those who need to repent for their sins. Friends, do it NOW!!
Verily, Mr. Mayor.

It has started.

Quote:
Pictures emerge on Twitter showing The Address Downtown Dubai hotel engulfed in flames. The building that hosts the 5-star hotel is 302 meters tall and is located not far from the New Year's Eve fireworks display.

It was not immediately clear what caused the fire, which covered at least 20 stories of the building near the Burj Khalifa, the world's tallest skyscraper, AP reports.

Burning debris rained down from the building as firetrucks raced to the scene.
As we wait for Jesus to descend, He has already started to smite the sinners indulging in intoxication and fornication. The cause of the fire is no enigma for us. It is Jesus.



Revelation 20:15
And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.




Jesus is righteous. He does as He promised two millennia ago. He smites the sinners for their own benefit, with an Eternity in the Furnace.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 12-31-2015, 08:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Revelation 18:3
For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.
Dr. White I find this verse to be particularly illuminating and yet I also like the one before it which refers to the fall of the white Babylon.

Revelation 18:2
And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.

This verse is of particular interest to Black men because it refers to the fall of the white devils and the destruction of Babylon which will soon come.


Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-01-2016, 08:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
This verse is of particular interest to Black men because it refers to the fall of the white devils and the destruction of Babylon which will soon come.
Mr. Rastafari--These verses refer to God's most sinful enemy, homosexuals. The end is coming because homer marriage is the law of the land, not to liberate the black man.

I hope you are not contemplating marrying a white woman like so many negro men are doing. The Bible frowns on that.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-01-2016, 11:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post

I hope you are not contemplating marrying a white woman like so many negro men are doing.
Not to worry. There is no need to buy the cow if you are already receiving the milk.


Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-02-2016, 01:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Thank you for this heads-up reminder, Brother Elmer.

Anyone paying attention to recent events can see 2016 is likely the year. When homers are placed ahead of God we all know God will take revenge.

The good news there is a short window of opportunity for those who need to repent for their sins. Friends, do it NOW!!
Now I don't want to startle anyone, but I've been up for the last 3 days (no sleep at all) studying the Word of God with a few select members of my Nubile Young Men's Prayer Circle (as is my wont every New Year), and I have discovered something.

666 + 666 + 666 +6 +6 +6


Brothers in Christ, when you add those devilish numbers up, what do you get?

2016



God has given me a sign (actually several signs and I wrote them all down for future reference because I have to check my math because Jesus had a flood of information for me over these last days and I stayed up with the boys and we all performed the secret Prayer Service and) and I can tell you that we are in for on helluva year. Just look at the math!

666 + 666 + 666 +6 +6 +6 = 2016


Tell me that isn't a sign that God is going to be doing frontline battle with satan this year! Tell me he's not but you can't can you? Because I AM SURE of this. I checked the math and then I had one of the boys check it and then I had various objects assembled in order to actually count the objects as juxtaposed from the math that reveals how bad this year is going to be, and how EVERYONE NEEDS TO REDOUBLE THEIR LOVE OFFERINGS at this crucial time. Because the math is there, folks.

More on this later. I may not sleep until Monday. Send the rest of the Prayer Circle members.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-02-2016, 03:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Now I don't want to startle anyone, but I've been up for the last 3 days (no sleep at all) studying the Word of God with a few select members of my Nubile Young Men's Prayer Circle (as is my wont every New Year), and I have discovered something.

666 + 666 + 666 +6 +6 +6


Brothers in Christ, when you add those devilish numbers up, what do you get?

2016


that reveals how bad this year is going to be, and how EVERYONE NEEDS TO REDOUBLE THEIR LOVE OFFERINGS at this crucial time. Because the math is there, folks.

More on this later. I may not sleep until Monday. Send the rest of the Prayer Circle members.

This is the most inside and persuasive information I have seen, Pastor Zeke. To anyone reading this, double you love offering and get ready. The end is near.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-02-2016, 04:17 AM

The silly sons of Satan (scientists) say that 2016 is a "leap year". For some reason they add another 24 hours to waste our time because apparently the Earth rotates around the Sun in 365.25 days and not 365. Why does this mean we should add another 24 hours? I do not trust anyone who uses numbers with 3 digits, which is witchcraft.

Revelation 21:8
8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

We know that these scientists are fake because the Bible says the Sun revolves around the Earth! Remember, these are are the same idiots who claim that the Earth is round!
1 Chronicles 16:30: Fear before him, all the earth: the world also shall be stable, that it be not moved.

Hide inside your local congregation when the sinful Cathylick Gregorian calendar says it's Febuary 29th! If you do so, if the Rapture happens perhaps you will be raptured!


Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Last edited by Grandma; 01-02-2016 at 04:24 AM. Reason: typo
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Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-02-2016, 03:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
666 + 666 + 666 +6 +6 +6 = 2016
That's a revelation right there! God has spoken!

Color me awestruck!





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Alan Swallows's Avatar
Alan Swallows Alan Swallows is offline
Preserving Freehold's dead for Christ's return
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-02-2016, 03:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
2016 is here any hour now. I don't have to give any promises: I shall just keep on following Jesus' Commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:13) and wait eagerly for Death (Genesis 27:2) and Heaven (Matthew 3:2), the Ultimate Prize for my sufferings that have been Severe (Hebrews 13:4).
This bears repeating, Brother. Just because Jesus' return is almost upon us that doesn't give us immunity from death. The aging process, acts of God, and sickness (not that there's any of that in Freehold, of course) are still at work. Life (and death) goes on just as it always has (Luke 17:26-27). The fact is, none of us knows when God may require our soul (Luke 12:20). I once embalmed a young man who'd been hit by a fire hydrant while walking down the street! I don't want people thinking they'll never need the services of an undertaker.

As Jesus said when His second coming was imminent 2,000 years ago:

Matthew 16:28 Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.

This means, of course, that some people alive in those days will die. And if you die, something will need to be done with your remains. We can't have decomposing bodies lying around stinking up all of Freehold.

Jesus understood the importance of this. He was dead for only three days before being raised again and He was still embalmed and given a Christian burial (John 19:40-41). So no matter how short your time away from this earth may be before Jesus comes back and calls you from your grave and you claw your way through six feet of earth and float up to meet Jesus in the skies above Freehold Cemetery (First Thessalonians 4:17), you still need to give some thought as to what you want done with your earthly tent during your brief absence. In fact, if you die before Jesus comes back, even if it's only for a few hours, days, weeks, months, you will have the privilege of being the first to meet Jesus when He comes back.

First Thessalonians 4:15-17: 15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. 16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first. 17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

So you will have the double privilege and dying and being with the Lord in Heaven (Philippians 1:23) and then being the first to meet Him when He returns.

Now, I'm willing to take one for the team. I've prayed for God to keep me alive until Jesus returns because if I die, there will be no one to tend to Freehold's dead. I believe this is a sacrifice God wants me to make.

So for those of you who want to prearrange your funeral (and I strongly advise all of you to do so -- you're never too young, sadly), you have several options to consider. What kind of casket would you like? How many cemetery plots would you like? Will there be a viewing? Who will preside over your memorial service -- me or one of Landover's junior pastors or Pastor Ezekiel himself (a fee of >$50,000 and conditions will apply)? I probably don't need to remind you I don't do cremations because that's a pagan ritual.

I have a catalog coming out soon which will be distributed throughout Freehold. I hope you all take the time to prayerfully peruse it. I've already had an offer on my house, so it won't be long before I join you all in Freehold and open up the new funeral parlor. Like Jesus, I am "coming soon."


Strait Gate Funeral Parlor
Alan Swallows – Undertaker – Licensed embalmer
Professional and dignified service • Modern facility • Traditional funeral services • Open all hours

NO cremations and NO unsaved clients

You're never too young (Luke 12:20). Prearrange YOUR funeral today!!!
You already have? Our prearranged funeral packages also make the perfect birthday gift for your loved ones!
What are you waiting for? You've got NOTHING to lose! All funeral plans are 100% refundable if Jesus returns before you die.*


NEW: KIDZ KOFFINZfrom only $895
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-03-2016, 03:56 AM

Brother Swallows--It will be a blessing to have such an honest funeral director in Freehold. That you are willing to tell the families of sinners their loved one is not in heaven is a noble calling.

I've been thinking Freehold, and the entire United States for that matter, needs training in funeral etiquette. As a Mayor, I go to a lot of funerals. It bothers me at funerals of known sinners to hear the condolence expressed, "He's in a better place."

What are they thinking? The dead person is in hell. The living should not lie about important facts.

It would be most helpful if you and Pastor Zeke could team up and give seminars on funeral etiquette. You could instruct people on what to say to the grieving when the deceased was a sinner and refused to get on his knees for Jesus.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Alan Swallows Alan Swallows is offline
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-03-2016, 09:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
It would be most helpful if you and Pastor Zeke could team up and give seminars on funeral etiquette. You could instruct people on what to say to the grieving when the deceased was a sinner and refused to get on his knees for Jesus.
I think that's a great idea, Mr Mayor! Essentially it's a lot like what members of Westboro Baptist say to grieving family members when they picket funerals, except it's on a much more personal, one-on-one level. I would be happy to equip the townsfolk of Freehold with the skills needed to do this effectively.

By the way, I'd like to thank you for pushing approval for my new funeral parlor through the council so quickly.


Strait Gate Funeral Parlor
Alan Swallows – Undertaker – Licensed embalmer
Professional and dignified service • Modern facility • Traditional funeral services • Open all hours

NO cremations and NO unsaved clients

You're never too young (Luke 12:20). Prearrange YOUR funeral today!!!
You already have? Our prearranged funeral packages also make the perfect birthday gift for your loved ones!
What are you waiting for? You've got NOTHING to lose! All funeral plans are 100% refundable if Jesus returns before you die.*


NEW: KIDZ KOFFINZfrom only $895
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-03-2016, 02:07 PM

The horrible thing is that everone shows his sodomy on webcam.
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-03-2016, 10:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows View Post

By the way, I'd like to thank you for pushing approval for my new funeral parlor through the council so quickly.
That's not a problem, brother. The Lord's timing is always perfect.

We had a sudden opening for a new funeral home since the last one was shut down by the Freehold Department of Faith. Turns out that old Mr. Lancaster was a secret drunkard, so he's left town now in disgrace.

That guy always gave me the creeps anyway. Had a bad smell about him. Green stuff under his fingernails. Pissed himself at an after church BBQ once.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Alan Swallows's Avatar
Alan Swallows Alan Swallows is offline
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Default Re: 2016 is Here: End of Times Highly Likely! - 01-04-2016, 07:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
T
We had a sudden opening for a new funeral home since the last one was shut down by the Freehold Department of Faith. Turns out that old Mr. Lancaster was a secret drunkard, so he's left town now in disgrace.

That guy always gave me the creeps anyway. Had a bad smell about him. Green stuff under his fingernails. Pissed himself at an after church BBQ once.
The Lord works in mysterious ways, Pastor. I find that whenever He opens a door for me, He always closes a door on someone else at just the right time.


Strait Gate Funeral Parlor
Alan Swallows – Undertaker – Licensed embalmer
Professional and dignified service • Modern facility • Traditional funeral services • Open all hours

NO cremations and NO unsaved clients

You're never too young (Luke 12:20). Prearrange YOUR funeral today!!!
You already have? Our prearranged funeral packages also make the perfect birthday gift for your loved ones!
What are you waiting for? You've got NOTHING to lose! All funeral plans are 100% refundable if Jesus returns before you die.*


NEW: KIDZ KOFFINZfrom only $895
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