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Default Day 270. Jonah 1-4 - 02-03-2011, 08:44 PM

Jonah 1-4

Jonah 1

1 Now the word of the LORD came unto Jonah the son of Amittai, saying,

2 Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.


Jonah was from Gathhepher, we learned that from 2 Kings 14:25. Gathhepher is a few miles north of Nazareth. Nineveh is outside of modern Mosul, Iraq.

Amittai means truth in Hebrew, so Jonah is the son of Truth.

3 But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD, and went down to Joppa; and he found a ship going to Tarshish: so he paid the fare thereof, and went down into it, to go with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD.

Jonah didn't want to go to Mosul. Instead, he decided he wanted to go to Tarshish. Exactly where Tarshish is, no one is sure. Some people think it's India, some think it's England, others think it's Tarsus (where Paul is from). No matter where it is, or what it is, it's no where near Mosul. It would have to be somewhere on a ship, which makes Tarsus more believable.

If you draw a line from Mosul to Joppa (which is probably modern Jaffa) the line almost goes through Nazareth (Gathhepher). So God wanted Jonah to go one way, instead Jonah went the exact opposite direction.

This angered God, so he sent a storm to the sea and the sailors were scared. So they all prayed to their various gods.

5 Then the mariners were afraid, and cried every man unto his god, and cast forth the wares that were in the ship into the sea, to lighten it of them. But Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep.

Jonah was able to sleep through this horrible storm. A storm that made sailors very afraid, he slept through. The captain told Jonah to pray, but he just kept sleeping.

7 And they said every one to his fellow, Come, and let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this evil is upon us. So they cast lots, and the lot fell upon Jonah.

Lots are a very accurate method of divining who is causing a storm.

8 Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; What is thine occupation? and whence comest thou? what is thy country? and of what people art thou?

9 And he said unto them, I am an Hebrew; and I fear the LORD, the God of heaven, which hath made the sea and the dry land.

10 Then were the men exceedingly afraid, and said unto him. Why hast thou done this? For the men knew that he fled from the presence of the LORD, because he had told them.


The people then ask how they can calm the sea. Jonah said "throw me overboard".

The sailors didn't think it right to throw him off, so they tried to make land, but couldn't. So, finally they chucked him overboard, at which point the sea calmed.

17 Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

There is much speculation as to what the "fish" was. Some people think it's a whale, some think it's a shark, some think it's a huge fish, some think it's actually a sea monster. Some people believe it to be a basking shark. The largest measured basking shark was 40 feet long. It could fit a person in it. Would that person survive for three days... well, thank God he made a miracle.

Jonah 2

1 Then Jonah prayed unto the LORD his God out of the fish's belly,

Jonah is one of the many EMO's in the Bible. The first was David. Job was also quite the emo.

2 And said, I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the LORD, and he heard me; out of the belly of hell cried I, and thou heardest my voice.

3 For thou hadst cast me into the deep, in the midst of the seas; and the floods compassed me about: all thy billows and thy waves passed over me.


Jonah blames God (kind of) for his predicament. Even though he did it to himself, he sort of blames the LORD.

7 When my soul fainted within me I remembered the LORD: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple.


It only took him 3 days to come to the realization that he should ask God for forgiveness.

9 But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD.

God would like to hear that prayer from you as well.

10 And the LORD spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.


Exactly how did Jonah know that it was three days? It's hard to tell time while stuck in the stomach of anything. I'd assume when he got onto land he asked some of the amazed spectators what day it was. Time flies when you are having fun in the belly of a whale.

Jonah 3

2 Arise, go unto Nineveh, that great city, and preach unto it the preaching that I bid thee.

3 So Jonah arose, and went unto Nineveh, according to the word of the LORD. Now Nineveh was an exceeding great city of three days' journey.


This doesn't mean that Nineveh was 3 days away, Nineveh is 510+ miles away from where Nazareth. He'd have to go 7 miles an hour for 3 days straight to get there, and that's not really possible. What "an exceeding great city of three days'" means is that it would take three days to walk through the city.

4 And Jonah began to enter into the city a day's journey, and he cried, and said, Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown.

So Jonah walked into the city and said God was going to destroy it.

5 So the people of Nineveh believed God, and proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them.

6 For word came unto the king of Nineveh, and he arose from his throne, and he laid his robe from him, and covered him with sackcloth, and sat in ashes.


Everyone from great to least in Nineveh fasted and prayed. God was impressed.

10 And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.

How odd is it that people of Nineveh, that is part of Assyria, listened to a prophet, when neither the North or South kingdoms of Israel would listen. It took Assyria to actually listen to God.

Jonah 4

1 But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry.

Jonah was not happy that his prophecy wasn't true. Jonah WANTED God to destroy Nineveh. Jonah was like, why did you bring me here if you were going to forgive them anyway.

2 And he prayed unto the LORD, and said, I pray thee, O LORD, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.

Why did you pick me and make me travel ALL THIS WAY, just so you could not destroy them in 40 days.

3 Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.

Jonah then whines like a little bitchy emo girl. "just let me die".

5 So Jonah went out of the city, and sat on the east side of the city, and there made him a booth, and sat under it in the shadow, till he might see what would become of the city.

Jonah goes out and sits by the city, just hoping God would reconsider and actually destroy the city.

Then God covered Jonah with a weed, to keep him from getting sunburned. But then God destroyed the weed by having it bit by a worm.

God like to mess with Jonah.

8 And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die, and said, It is better for me to die than to live.


"I just want to die"

wussie.

9 And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.

Perhaps the weed was Marijuana, since all people who smoke the pot, are whiney emo bitches, who sit around begging to die, wishing they were never born.

God then tells Jonah that he shouldn't miss the plant that covered him. God used the plant as a metaphor for the city of Nineveh. Pointing out that Jonah was actually more sad for losing a plant, than he would have been if a town of 120,000 people were destroyed.

10 Then said the LORD, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:

11 And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?


So what have we learned.

1. If God sends you east and you head west, you will probably be eaten by a fish.

2. If you wind up eaten by a fish, most likely it will not be of any species that is currently known by man. One that has the stomach capacity for a human; contains enough air in said stomach for a person to breathe for 3 days; is warm enough to keep a wet, cold person alive for 3 days; contains a food source; and can vomit on command.

3. Man up, pussy.

YIC
V


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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