[Elmer G. White]

Exciting news! In this era or forced feminism, sanctioned sodomy and coerced colonic copulation it is heart-warming to find a group of young, comely Caucasian strictly heterosexual males who follow Jesus. During a frustrating sermon session at a nearby mall I encountered a group of adolescent men proudly flaunting their commitment to Jesus by wearing T-shirts with the beautiful statement "Power Bottoms for Jesus"! Praise God! Apparently they were going to the beach, which I find distasteful and would never ever visit nor wear a T-shirt, as God did invent suits and ties, didn't he! But I presume that the beach is a good place to cruise for new converts!



I quickly gave them a few Chick Tracts and leaflets and they happily received my good news and we laughed together (Luke 15:23)! I asked if I could join their Society but they dropped a hint that I was somehow too old or not vigorous enough to keep up with them.

Obviously, I had no idea about their doctrine - they could have been Methodists or - even worse - Catholics. So I rigorously researched this new Society and used only the most reliable sources, that is, the KJV Bible. What would it say about the "Power Bottoms for Jesus"? It confirmed by initial innovation that this is indeed something of great spiritual benefit for our own youth! We all now that "Power" appears countless times in the Good Book but what about "Bottoms"? As it turns out, only once!

Jonah 2:6
I went down to the bottoms of the mountains; the earth with her bars was about me for ever: yet hast thou brought up my life from corruption, O LORD my God.

Great stuff. What does it mean in its crystal-clear unambiguous clarity? To understand that, we must first turn to "Power"!

Ephesians 1:19
And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,

Now we can easily understand the beautiful message of Power Bottoms for Jesus. By relying on the exceeding greatness of Jesus' Power we can be brought up from corruption! Having realized this, I turned to secondary sources, that is, image searches in the Interwebs. It seems that there is lots of good merchandise to order in order to become a Power Bottom! I won't ever wear a T-shirt in public or in bed (I don't go to gym and you shouldn't, either), but a bump sticker would be nice, or perhaps I'll just stick it on the cover of my trusty KJV!



There is also a sticker that reminds us of the great flood (Genesis 9:13)!



And for toddlers who can not yet wear a suit, I recommend this garment!



I am going to do more exercise, that is, stroll the malls and the rural villages, walking to gain more muscle power into my lower body half, and with powerful (pun intended!) Prayers I will also one day be fit to become a Power Bottom for Jesus! I am sure that He will assist me in this task and, if I ask kindly, He will help #metoo (I can use this modernistic small talk so well, can't I) to become one of His cherished Power Bottoms!!!! I urge you all to spread this information to your sons and make them part of His Power Bottom Posse!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[MitzaLizalor]

Jonah is a great book. I'm particularly fond of chapter four.


Jonah 4:6-7 And the LORD God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head, to deliver him from his grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd. But God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd that it withered.


Jonah's life was somehow strangely lacking. God knew all about it, of course, and had something in hand ready to come over Jonah and deliver him. A selection of four different sizes is shown in the picture. The power of Jonah's delivering God's message to a wicked city helped so many people who may very well have gone the same way as Sodom and Gomorrah, turning into another Dead Sea as one would very much expect under the circumstances. God is Jesus, bringing a parallel message for the current age, echoing Jonah's lament and promising power – very much in line with your T-shirt campaign. Perhaps hoodies are also available? Getting back to Jonah and the verse you quoted stating his erstwhile location, I was reminded of what Jesus said.

Matthew 21:21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree* but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

. * The fig tree had been treated the same as Jonah's gourd


For Jonah, an application of bottom-up power would have sorted out his dudgeon just as Jesus describes. For an average sized mountain (The Matterhorn for instance weighing approx. 39,630,300,000 tons) to move from Jerusalem to the Mediterranean Sea in 1 hour, a horse would be inadequate. God however is not inadequate and in this case provides the power of 7,133,454,000,000 horses. Add a "0" for Jonah who was ten times farther from the nearest sea than Jesus and to do it in a minute—since an hour seems a bit slow to qualify for "casting" status—multiply either value × 60, I guess. Perhaps an easier unit would be "peakNewYorks" which is a new unit I just made up based on New York State's record peak demand which occurred in July 2013. Depending on the type of horse, at any given moment The Matterhorn would demand 150 to 200 thousand peakNY units or, if sustained for an hour, run that many New York States for an hour.

Perhaps something like that would be suitable for a hoody design?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Thank you, Dr. White, for explaining all that. Anyone wearing Jesus on their clothing has to be a good Christian. Wearing Power Bottoms for Jesus to the beach is a special kind of testimony.

[Dennis Lukes]

We stand here at the bottom, metaphorically speaking, the fallen world looking up at Heaven, the zenith of creation. And despite our lowly stature, we have great power, the power of our faith in Jesus.

[WWJDnow]

This sounds like the kind of movement that I could really get into.

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by WWJDnow

This sounds like the kind of movement that I could really get into.

Indeed Brother,

I am still very enthusiastic to join, but I must now warn everyone. It seems that - similar to false Christians - there are false power bottoms over there. I reached out to a group that seemed most accepting, they told me about the great times men could have together and if I was willing to "bottom" for them. Of course I was! With great expectations I visited a "power bottom club" and it turned out that some male degenerates lure unsuspecting Power Bottoms for Jesus and try to engage them in acts that involve anatomical regions that are better left unmentioned. As True Christians™, we should only share our Bottom Power with other True Power Bottoms for Jesus® and perhaps Donald Trump and our only Top© should be Christ Himself, whose powerful essence penetrates us on a daily basis.

As for the false power bottoms, let's just say that they are 101% Catholics and do the thing that Catholics do on a daily basis. Enough said. The Bible tells us where they will end up.

Exodus 15:5
The depths have covered them: they sank into the bottom as a stone.


Yours In Christ,

Elmer

[BrotherLarry]

I have been a power bottom for years. NOTHING is more fulfilling than to invite brethren to participate in my practice of this. I highly recommend it for all. Brother WWJD, I would love to be your sponsor and initiate you. Our next meeting will be Thursday in lower Manhattan. Just send a private message for details.

We accept versatile holy men as well. You will shout out to God once you allow us in.


In He who penetrates our soul,
BrotherLarry

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry

I have been a power bottom for years. NOTHING is more fulfilling than to invite brethren to participate in my practice of this. I highly recommend it for all. Brother WWJD, I would love to be your sponsor and initiate you. Our next meeting will be Thursday in lower Manhattan. Just send a private message for details.

We accept versatile holy men as well. You will shout out to God once you allow us in.


In He who penetrates our soul,
BrotherLarry

I myself have a very dominant and forceful personality. While I admire the humility of the bottoms, I personally feel more of a power top for Jesus. Holding the sinner down and inserting the word of God whether she wants it or not.