[Bob4God]

The Landover Baptist forums are a goldmine of GODly True Christian guidance, perspectives, articles, and Bible studies. Because of the high volume of new posts and revelations that come upon us each day, many of GOD's Greatest Hits quickly disappear into the back-pages of our forums.

If you're looking for answers to any of life's greatest questions, see below for the light that GOD has given us to share with you! Chances are your concerns have already been addressed!

True Christian brothers and sisters, please add the best threads you can find in our forums to this list!



Being a True Christian and Walking with GOD

• "But I'm Too NICE To Go To Hell" Pastor Ezekiel has news for those of you who think that being nice is enough to live forever!

• The Ten Commandments and their Punishments A handy chart for beginners to understand what is most important to GOD and what He has in store for those who do not obey, by Prune Danish.

• The Garden of Eden: Proof of God's Love and Mercy Pastor Billy-Reuben answers questions from atheists about how come an all-knowing GOD would create humans He knew would sin.

• CIRCUMCISION (as God Commands) Sister Talitha talks about GOD's instructions to modify His perfect design to flatter Him.

• Are YOU deceived? My own look at the symptoms of deception.

• Praising GOD in the Bathroom I list a handful of ways that you can turn the unpleasant act of going to the bathroom into a GODly experience!

• Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil Wash O'Hanely talks about the spiritual battlefield that is the bathroom, and how to be safe!

• Why atheists are not open-minded Before you atheists start bragging about how wise you are, read what I have to say here.

• The UNFORGIVABLE SIN: Have you committed it? Find out if you've inadvertently damned yourself to hell! Brother Jeb Thurmond can help!

• College advice: How to tell if your roommate is on the drugs Nobar King gives young Christian adults a handy checklist of symptoms to be on the lookout for!

• A Christian Guide to Overcoming Bad Language If you are struggling with a potty mouth, JESUS showed me something that can help you!

• Trusting GOD in the storm: Lessons from the Life of Job If your life is miserable and you've lost everything you love, fear not, because it might just be GOD and satan engaged in another contest!

• Does it matter how we praise the Lord? Brother Temperance offers sound, Biblical advice on worshipping GOD that might just save your life!

• Salvation Prayer for Sinners World-famous minister Jim Osbourne shows you how to confess your sins to the LORD and be saved!

• Door to Door Witnessing My own guide to reaching sinners in the place they go to get away from us: home!

• Seven Great Mysteries of Jesus Ezekiel Bathfire gives us a glimpse at the wonders of the life of JESUS on Earth!

• Attention atheists: easy to understand story! GOD=Life has penned a literary work of art to explain Christianity to weak-minded atheists that would do Jack Chick proud!

• Is it Right to Judge Others? Pastor Ezekiel offers an exhaustive Bible study that shows that the righteous are indeed to judge others.

Homosexuality

• Super Mario Galaxies: a homosexual recruiting tool! Jeb Thurmond exposes the hidden dangers in video games to our youth!

• SKITTLES: THE CANDY OF QUEERS! OUTRAGEOUS PERVERTED HORRORS! Something the LORD showed me!

• EXPOSED! The shadowy funders of the homosexual agenda! Jeb Thurmond reveals who is pulling the strings behind closed homosexual doors!

• We do NOT hate homosexuals! I explain why True Christian love is so often confused with simple hatred and homophobia.

• PRAISE JESUS! GOD HAS CURED 25 MILLION QUEERS SINCE 1981! Brother Percy has a quick look at how GOD is moving to control the homo-menace with the AIDS.

• HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST HOMO ATTACK !! Brother Percy tells us how to keep ourselves safe from militant queers!

• AIDS: THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! Nothing gets by Brother Percy, not even microscopic AIDs germs! Learn about this grave threat, and how to be safe!

• Gay Bowel Syndrome Sister Mary Maria's quick look at the unpleasant consequences of gay sex. What other reasons do you need to be straight?

• WWE is turning our boys into homos! Shocking revelations about another grave threat to the American family! Thanks to Virginia D. Templeton for uncovering this.

• Is it possible to be both "gay" and a Christian? Sister Virginia D. Templeton clearly and simply states the truth about a common myth.

• How do well tell rasslers from homo wrestlers? One of GOD's greatest messengers provides an important discussion on an important topic.

• Attention homosexuals: easy story, not-so-easy lesson! Your gay sex partners will never love you like JESUS loves you! Another edition in the "Attention!" series by GOD=Life.

Christian Parenting and Family Matters

• Despicable advertising slogans Old Man Hatchet compiles an impressive list of shameful slogans that assault Christian values and the American family.

• What can you do if your daughter refuses to marry her rapist?? A sad but common problem amoung today's rape victims. Brother Percy looks for the solutions.

• Making children behave in Church Sister Jean Poole has some handy tips for keeping kids quiet in the sanctuary!

• Marrying for Sex GOD told me it was okay!

• The Christian Parent's Guide To Raising Teens I learned a lot as a youth pastor.

• Hula hoops: Fun toys or fiendish contraptions that train little girls to be the Devil's concubines? Mr. Hatchet makes things crystal clear.

• How sluts are made Brother Nobar King has an eye for depravity, and he warns us of the causes of harlotry!

• Considering an Abortion? Born Again Bob offers hope to those of you who somehow don't WANT to have another child!

• The Anti-Ageing Secrets of the Landover Ladies Ezekiel Bathfire reveals the connection between housework and youthfulness! Praise!

• Is the "XBox 360" Satanic ???! Brother Percy is sniffing out sin again!

• How to find out if your children really love Jesus Wash O' Hanley provides enhanced interrogation techniques!

• Protect your family the Christian way! Get your daughter raped! Cranky Old Man shows us some GODly uses for otherwise worthless offspring.

Creation Science and the Earth and Universe

• The Sun: Millions of miles away? A devastating blow to secular science from Pastor Billy-Reuben!

• The Big Bang is Un-Scientific The TRUTH about the Big Bang as detailed by our own Dr. Santiago Solo.

• THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER - SATAN'S STARGATE! Brother Percy blows the lid wide open on what is really going on behind closed doors!

• "About" Global Warming: The Myth, The Way and The Light Brother Ezekiel Bathfire examines global warming.

• Proof of a Young Earth Pastor Billy-Reuben is back, and this time with the help of a pocket calculator and JESUS, He PROVES that the Earth is only 6,000 years old!

• What the Bible says about the Universe (Copernicus lied) Jeb Thurmond shows us the truth about the amazing Universe GOD has created, and embarrasses secular science to no end!

• Gravity destroys your morals! True Disciple deals a blow to atheists and gravitationalists!

• The Christian Science theory of Punctuated Smiting Church Security Adviser, Bobby-Joe, presents well-grounded findings that challenge the myth of evolution.

• 3 Experiments You Can Do At Home that PROVE THE EARTH IS FLAT! A great resource for home schools, by Rev. Jim Osborne.

History

• The History of Rock and Roll Music (NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN!) Jeb Thurmond's horrifying look at one of the greatest threats to the American family ever!

• THE HOLO-HOAX REVEALED - HOLOCAUST PICTURES PROVED TO BE FAKES! The late revrggreen makes a strong case against proof of the so-called 'holocaust.'

• The TRUE MEANING of Thanksgiving! Finally, the TRUTH is out, thanks to Jeb Thurmond.

• More Lies and Pornography from Godless "scientists" Dr. Wierdsbe exposes one of the newest (and ironically oldest) threats to the American family and GOD's truth!

• Serial Killer Jeffrey Dahmer: Christian in Heaven with Jesus Reverend Jim shows that even homosexual psycho murderers can accept CHRIST! Now what's your excuse?

Christian Sexuality (WOMEN AND CHILDREN BE ADVISED!)

• STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION Pastor Ezekiel lays out a battle plan for beating the devil at his own twisted game!

• Preventing Mass Murder in Bed Something JESUS told me.

• Men, it's your duty to make certain the monthly curse is a curse A short guide by Eliot Mayfield on handling your women and their curse.

• THE TRUTH IS OUT - THE FEMALE ORGASM PROVEN TO BE MYTH!!!
  Brother Percy exposes a disgusting and horrifying lie!

• Keep it UP, Guys Old Man Hatchet handles the issue of positioning your unmentionables in your undergarments with great taste.

• Christian Sex HORROR! Satan is afoot! A timely warning from Captain Aaron Portway about the dangers of feeling good about sex!

• Mustache Rides and You (MEN OF FAITH ONLY!!!!!!!!!) Mr. Hatchet explains what the kids call 'oral sex' and why it is bad!

• Kama Sutra (WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES CONTAINED WITHIN) Old Man Hatchet has strong words for sexual deviants!

Politics and Government

• Conservative patriotism vs Liberal "patriotism" Jeb Thurmond shows us why every liberal is a potential traitor! Conservatives are the only True Americans!

• The Big Lie of Katrina This could be the first small step in the journey of revealing the truth to the world! Thanks to ditchhook for sharing.

• Wasteful socialism VS economic stimulus: Know the difference! GODly knowledge powerhouse Jeb Thurmond demonstrates that the Republican party is, as always, all-American and right!

• Should Christians Support Obama JennyD, though being a woman, has been given some light on the matter.

• THE TRUTH About Martin Liar King Day Negro sympathizers beware! Born Again Bob lays out the truth for all to see!

• Phoney soldiers mutiny with their whining and sueing! Jeb Thurmond offers timeless words for generations to come about not being a whiner when it comes to protecting America!

• How the queer agenda destroyed my traditional marriage The sad but true story of what's happening all across America, thanks to gay marriage. Grampy McNutt shares his tragic story.

• Lies About Godly Republicans We Must Refute (the short list) TC Patriot catalogs the most viscous and insidious attacks on our Glorious Party from the liberal media!

• Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment Pastor Isaac Peters has drafted an amendment to be adopted by all 50 states to protect the sanctity of marriage from more than just homos!

Supernatural threats and Cults

• The VAMPIRE TEST: How to Identify These Evil Satanic Monsters The Rev. Jim Osborne has scientifically formulated a test to determine if somebody is in fact a vampire! Praise!

• The Wizard of Oz. Hollywood's invitation to Satanism True Christian fisherman, Johnnyboy, has revealed yet another attempt to recruit America's families to satan!

• An Investigation of the Seventh-Day Adventists Me and GOD are exposing the truth behind a dangerous and maniacal vegetarian cult!

• Confucious is in Hell Ezekiel Bathfire explains the inspiration behind most fortune cookies.

• Why Mormons are NOT Christians Pastor Ezekiel lays waste to the idea that these people are of GOD!

• Tattoos and cult worship Nobar King exposes the menace behind flesh markings and cuttings!

• Why are New Age beliefs harmful? Sister JennyD tells us here.

• GOD uses Adventist to spread the Truth about Wicca! And Twilight! My own look at how even a broken clock is right twice a day!

• Yard Haunters: Pathetic Shut-Ins and Sex Offenders Wash O' Hanley exposes an insidious threat to our families!

• Ghost Hunters: Paranormal Investigators Promote Witchcraft Rev. Jim Osborne does a little investigation of his own!

Just for Kids!

• Judy' Secret Admirer A young girl learns the importance of submission!

• Peter's Sunday Best Young Peter learns what happens to little boys who shame their parents!

• Lizzy and the Devil's Birthday Party A night of Halloween fun turns into a terrifying struggle against the principalities of darkness!

• The Devil's Headlights Rebellious Cody was on his way to secular university, but GOD had another plan for his life!

[Nobar King]

That's a very comprehensive list of threads, Brother Bob4. Thanks for putting that together.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Thank you Brother B4G. This compilation is a work of True Christian excellence and will ensure you a place along Christ's Right hand side.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Bookmarked for rebuke of the ungodly and a reference for the rest of us.

[JennyD]

Brother B4G, I note that you seem to have bypassed the Godly Republican Politics section. Surely there are important messages for our visitors there, as well!

[Bob4God]

Originally Posted by JennyD

Brother B4G, I note that you seem to have bypassed the Godly Republican Politics section. Surely there are important messages for our visitors there, as well!

Well spotted sister, but I do not intend to neglect that part of our forum. I am merely covering other areas before delving into our political wisdom, as there is such a mass of threads there!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Bob4God

Well spotted sister, but I do not intend to neglect that part of our forum. I am merely covering other areas before delving into our political wisdom, as there is such a mass of threads there!

Don't mind her, Brother. She gets uppity at certain times of the month if you know what I mean.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Don't mind her, Brother. She gets uppity at certain times of the month if you know what I mean.

Pastor, remember the story about my mood ring?

Maybe you should look at my ring closely.

[Larry Lee]

B4G, you've offered Humankind a very great gift.

...And practically authored your own "Epistle of Bob to a LIEbrul world." (Although, for final publication, you'll want to include more bits about Sister Ayn Rand and the Godliness of neoliberal solutions, but those are matters you should be able to handle without much effort. Otherwise, Well done!)

[obamabuddy]

AMEN!

[Holyfield]

Originally Posted by Bob4God

True Christian brothers and sisters, please add the best threads you can find in our forums to this list!

I may not be a True Christian, but I do love this thread:
Fox news: Don't marry "other species/ethnics"

[BelieverInGod]

Wow, that's an amazing list. You must have put a lot of work into it!

Thank you Brother, I am adding it to my bookmarked folder of LBC wisdom

[Integra-T]

Is there a post about going to college anywhere? I scrolled through like 5 pages but didunt see anything. I'm starting college this week and I'm feeling sort of lost. I'm wondering if maybe I should maybe take some time off and like go backpacking across Europe and find myself. I think I want to go into Christian counceling but I just don't know. I keep asking God what He wants from me but I still havunt gotten a calling from Him.

Classes start tomorrow and I'm just wondering what to do.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Integra-T

Is there a post about going to college anywhere? I scrolled through like 5 pages but didunt see anything. I'm starting college this week and I'm feeling sort of lost. I'm wondering if maybe I should maybe take some time off and like go backpacking across Europe and find myself. I think I want to go into Christian counceling but I just don't know. I keep asking God what He wants from me but I still havunt gotten a calling from Him.

Classes start tomorrow and I'm just wondering what to do.

You're a damned queer, aren't you boy.

[Integra-T]

I admit I've had SSA before. I used to get teased at baseball practice cuz I always got wood and you could see it cuz of the pants. I always pretended it was cuz of girls though and people believed me. My Christian friends know though and weve prayed about it a lot. But I know its a sin to act on SSA and have a girlfriend who I plan to marry. God doesunt give us more than we can handle so I know that if I want to serve Him I can't be gay.

[Stevent33]

Originally Posted by Integra-T

I admit I've had SSA before. I used to get teased at baseball practice cuz I always got wood and you could see it cuz of the pants. I always pretended it was cuz of girls though and people believed me. My Christian friends know though and weve prayed about it a lot. But I know its a sin to act on SSA and have a girlfriend who I plan to marry. God doesunt give us more than we can handle so I know that if I want to serve Him I can't be gay.

Integra-T,
First I'm glad that you admit that homosexual is wrong and a great sin regardless if your just "thinking about it". Most homosexuals won't admit that it's a sin and that their 'god' (I lowercased it on purpose because their god isn't real) will be understanding it, since in their eyes they were born with it.
I'm glad that you are able to overcome these nasty tendenices and wish you the best of luck with your girlfriend. I sure hope your not fornicating with your girlfriend though.

[Integra-T]

Originally Posted by Stevent33

I sure hope your not fornicating with your girlfriend though.

No way!

We met at the Ichthus festival a few years ago and lived in different towns so we just wrote a lot. Mostly about Jesus. But now we both go to UT and I'm worried that she might lead me into temptation. I'm sort of thinking I should just go ahead and marry her?

[Stevent33]

If you don't think your strong enough to fight her sexual advances, than yes it's better that you marry this girl. My question is however, do you love this girl truly with all your heart? If you don't truly love her, than you would best to get rid of her because God doesn't take to kindly to fornication. Besides your not getting any younger; it may be time to start popping out soldiers for God.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Integra-T

No way!

We met at the Ichthus festival a few years ago and lived in different towns so we just wrote a lot. Mostly about Jesus. But now we both go to UT and I'm worried that she might lead me into temptation. I'm sort of thinking I should just go ahead and marry her?

If this girl is tempting you, then she is an adulterous whore. Wouldn't you rather have a woman who has repented of all sin?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Stevent33

If you don't think your strong enough to fight her sexual advances, than yes it's better that you marry this girl. My question is however, do you love this girl truly with all your heart? If you don't truly love her, than you would best to get rid of her because God doesn't take to kindly to fornication. Besides your not getting any younger; it may be time to start popping out soldiers for God.

"Truly love her"?

What are you talking about? Are you one of those homosexuals?

A True Christian™ marriage is about raising Soldiers for Christ and maintaining the home. The questions he should be asking are:

"Is this woman a True Christian™?" Correct answer: Yes

"Is this woman attractive to me, to ensure I can perform to bring forth Soldiers for Christ?" Correct answer: Yes

"Does this woman have a strong body and childbearing hips?" Correct answer: Yes

"Is this woman a virgin?" Correct answer: Yes

"Can this woman handle physical labor such as kitchen work, lawnmowing, and snow-shoveling?" Correct answer: Yes

"Does this woman require excessive beauty treatments to serve vanity?" Correct answer: No

"Are there any hereditary problems in this woman's family, like insanity or ugliness?" Correct answer: No