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Exclamation Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 07:18 PM

Jif Peanut Butter: "Choosy mothers choose Jif."



Women are simpletons and should never make choices, not even regarding peanut butter. They should pray to Jesus or call their husbands for guidance. The slogan should be: "Subservient mothers take a moment and petition Jesus or phone their husbands to find out whether they should buy Jif or not." That's a whole lot catchier, too.


Taco Bell: "Yo QuZero Taco Bell."



I don't know what this gibberish means, and that frightens me. Repeating it could summon demons, or, worse yet, Mexicans.


AT&T: "Reach out and touch someone."



Touching leads to fornication. I never even so much as tap someone on the shoulder for fear that my tallywacker will end up in a dark, dank place it doesn't belong. AT&T, fully aware of where touching leads, attempted to instigate a mass orgy with this deplorable slogan in 1979. What they failed to notice was that there already was a mass orgy going on--it was, after all, the 70s.


Doublemint Gum: "Double your pleasure, double your fun with Doublemint Gum."



Pleasure and fun should never be doubled. If anything, they should be halved. At least.


Charmin Toilet Tissue: "Please don't squeeze the Charmin!"



"Charmin" was a euphemism for ding-dongs in a series of commercials that featured a grocer named Mr. Whipple. Horny housewives couldn't keep their hands off of the Charmin, prompting Mr. Whipple to say the above slogan. Okay. I'm on board. "Ladies, don't squeeze shlongs" seems like a message that espouses wholesome, Christian values. Not so fast. These commercials would invariably end with Mr. Whipple squeezing the Charmin, his eyes glazed over in queer delight. This slogan is gay propaganda in sheep's clothing. Also, "Charmin" sounds French, adding to the gayness. And the name "Whipple" is pretty dirty-sounding.

Of course, Charmin has pictures of babies on their packaging, so this slogan may be about squeezing infants to death, or possibly squeezing baby peckers. I'm not sure. Give me a little more time on this one.


Allstate: "You're in good hands."



From the sound of it, this insurance company likes to grope its customers. Their repugnant logo is a pair of perverted, outstretched hands that appear eager to cup my genitals. Get your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty Allstate.


Rolaids: "How do you spell relief? R-O-L-A-I-D-S."




Television can be a wonderful babysitter, playmate, parent, and/or teacher provided it is tuned in to the Christian Television Network. CTN strictly offers factual information; e.g., dinosaur bones were strategically placed by Satan to fool mankind about the Earth's age. Secular television spreads misinformation and stultifies the minds of American children. Case in point: the above slogan. Relief is most certainly not spelled r-o-l-a-i-d-s. No wonder all I see are chinks and Hindus in American spelling bees.


Ball Park Franks: "They plump when you cook 'em."



Does anyone not think of engorged tallywackers when hearing this slogan? Scores of women have become pecker-craving fiends because of this insidious advertising campaign's not-so-subtle message. After viewing a commercial in which the slogan was featured, my neighbor's wife became an uncontrollable harlot and tried to cook my Ball Park Frank. Fortunately, my tallywacker remained virtuous and did not succumb to advertising-induced fornication.*


Johnson's Baby Shampoo: "No more tears."



Children are supposed to cry while in the bathtub. I used to rub soap and/or shampoo and/or bath salt in my daughters' eyes while my wife bathed them. Sure, it made them scream at the top of their lungs and cry their eyes out, but it also made them have unpleasant associations with being naked so they didn't become whores.** That's called good parenting, folks.



*It did become semi-plump.

**Unfortunately, they did become whores. In retrospect, I should have rubbed soap/shampoo/bath salt in their eyes and made the bathwater scalding hot. Let that be a lesson to all of you new parents out there.
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 07:28 PM



Brother Hatchet, I have not even fully read your expose' before I became compelled to address this one.

Obviously, what he is squeezing is a Baby's bottom and not some dang ol dang ol paper towel roll.

What is he, a God-Damned pervert?!

I asked that question rhetorically

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Last edited by SUV; 05-26-2011 at 07:39 PM. Reason: none of your bidness, hey?
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 07:36 PM

I have said it before and I will say it again; toilet paper is nothing more than a tool to aid in masturbation. Of course they advertise it is soft, so they can get more men to self pollute themselves.

I challenge any many here to tell me he can't resist fornicating with roll of soft toilet paper! You can't! Face it! That's why I won't let soft toilet paper into my house.



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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 08:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
I have said it before and I will say it again; toilet paper is nothing more than a tool to aid in masturbation. Of course they advertise it soft, so they can get more men to self pollute themselves.

I challenge any many here to tell me he can't resist fornicating with roll of soft toilet paper! You can't! Fact it! That's why I won't let soft toilet paper into my house.
Amen, Brother. There's even one called "Angel Soft." I am outraged by such sacrilege.



Notice how a baby graces the packaging as well. The toilet paper industry is surely headed by perverts and pedophiles who hate God.
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 08:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Notice how a baby graces the packaging as well. The toilet paper industry is surely headed by perverts and pedophiles who hate God.
They also did something for Welsh people:



Romans 1:18 - For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;

Last edited by MisterM; 05-26-2011 at 08:29 PM. Reason: Smaller picture
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 08:39 PM

I'm getting really tired of Philips and their bad gas colon health advertisements. Do I really need to be reminded of this?



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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 09:27 PM

Anything relating to "feminine freshness." First, if God wanted you to feel "fresh" during that time, He would not have called you unclean and commanded your separation. Second, we men don't want to hear about it. In fact, I think it's all a plot by the feminazis to erase gender differences by letting the inferior sex run around all month as though God had blessed them with baby-batter nozzles and not cursed them with baby ovens.


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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 11:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
I challenge any man here to tell me he can't resist fornicating with roll of soft toilet paper! You can't! Face it! That's why I won't let soft toilet paper into my house.
I use soft toilet paper in my house and I resist the urge to fornicate by asking God to aid me. No toilet paper is a match for His power. Praise Jesus .

Just out of curiousity, what do you use if not toilet paper?
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-26-2011, 11:53 PM

And what of THIS owfull comercial? Is makeing joke about the F word I think and generally being rude! I'm no aprove of this. Especially of some of the ladys in it.



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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-27-2011, 01:12 AM

Not a slogan as such but still offensive

Canned pasta as we all know is an abomination, but what makes this even worse is that it is not Ravioli, it is Tordelli!


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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-27-2011, 08:26 AM

As the old saying goes, "Sex Sells", and Brother Hatchet is right on the money in exposing how industries from toilet paper to gum capitalize on it. Here are some others which are clearly trying to appeal to peoples' sexual nature.

  • McDonalds: I'm loving it. (Loving what, exactly?)
  • Burger King: Have it your way. (Promoting free sexual expression, homosexuality, bisexuality, pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia.)
  • Midas: You've got the Midas touch. (Like Allstate and AT&T, promoting touchy-feely behavior)
  • Chevy: Like a rock. (Who doesn't think of an engorged tallywhacker when hearing this?)
  • Winston: Tastes good like a cigarette should. (Or a tallywhacker?)
  • Visa: Everywhere you want to be. (Like a whore!)
  • Sears: Come see the softer side of Sears. (Inviting you inside the Sears-Roebuck vagina.)
  • Avis: We try harder. (Yea, in bed.)
  • Duracell: Nothing outlasts the coppertop. (Redheaded men have longer stamina during sexual congress.)
  • Energizer: It keeps going, and going, and going... (Another battery company promoting sexual stamina)
  • KFC: Finger lickin' good. (Too obvious. No comment needed.)
  • Butterfinger: Nobody better lay a finger on my butterfinger. (To their credit, it encourages abstinence, but they're still using sex to sell.)
  • Snickers: Satisfies. (I'm sure a Snickers can satisfy many women and gay men...but not by eating it.)
  • Skittles: Taste the rainbow. (Glorifying homosexuality and oral sex.)
  • Subway: Eat fresh. (More oral sex promotion.)
  • Starburst: Isn't life juicy? (The only time anyone ever uses the word "juicy" is in the context of sex.)
  • Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: You got chocolate in my peanut butter. (Explicit, hardcore anal sex promotion.)
  • Tootsie Pop: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know. (Ok, I give up. I'm pretty sure I made my point!)



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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-27-2011, 12:51 PM

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Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
Sears: Come see the softer side of Sears. (Inviting you inside the Sears-Roebuck cooter.)
Well I thought so. Makes me happy I have stayed away "in droves"
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Richard Bancroft Richard Bancroft is offline
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-28-2011, 08:59 AM

This television advertisement condones alcoholism.



2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

On the one side, we shall be traduced by Popish Persons at home or abroad, who therefore will malign us, because we are poor instruments to make God's holy Truth to be yet more and more known unto the people, whom they desire still to keep in ignorance and darkness; or if, on the other side, we shall be maligned by self-conceited Brethren, who run their own ways, and give liking unto nothing, but what is framed by themselves, and hammered on their anvil; we may rest secure, supported within by truth and innocency of a good conscience, having walked the ways of simplicity and integrity, as before the Lord.
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-28-2011, 10:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Bancroft View Post
This television advertisement condones alcoholism.

I can't understand a word it's saying.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.María Gálvez-Villalobos is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-28-2011, 11:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I can't understand a word it's saying.

She say she don't like tea - she prefer gin.

(You're welcome)



Ex JW and quiet, shy, timid girl who wants to be a True Cristian Lady.
My favorite verse from the Bible is:
- A true WITNESSE deliuereth soules: but a deceitfull WITNESSE speaketh lyes.
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-29-2011, 02:17 AM

Quote:
If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face.™
Quote:
It's going to get messy.™
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I love a good burger and some french fried potatoes, but I'll never give this company another dollar.

The lewd slogans suggest an endorsement of the filthy homosexual lifestyle that I left behind many years ago when I found Jesus Christ.

No thanks.


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 05-29-2011, 09:05 PM

All this time I never noticed that these slogans could be interpreted in such a way.
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Callisto is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Callisto is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Callisto is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Callisto is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 06-03-2011, 04:16 PM

Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is!
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 06-03-2011, 04:53 PM

The slogan for the Norwegian dairy company "Tine":
"Must have it, just must have it!"
This slogan pops up while we are shown milk being poured in a glass, usually with (male) children being featured. It is quite obvious what sick subliminal messages they are trying to give!


"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10
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Default Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years - 06-03-2011, 05:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Callisto View Post
Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is!
Now that is childish! Leave to an ATHEIST to see some hidden meaning about something when its clearly not meant. I suppose you also snicker when Officer Richards stokes his baton and says "I am going to give those boys a real mouthful"?

You're sick, like any godmocker, Callisto.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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