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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 07:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
The French government is giving out incredible amounts of misinformation that lures unsuspecting people to visit their country.
Oh, I'm with you.

Recently they issued this stamp, without even warning people it doesn't even look like that any more ! !

I mean, talk about a "bait and switch" ! !

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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 09:54 AM

Every tourist office always advertises Paris and how Cafe sitting is a great Parisian sport.
Sport indeed. I would be very careful with them. And their baquettes.


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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 10:33 AM

Marko, it seems that dreadful bakery has been open since 1920! The entire heterosexural population of France must have been wiped out in the First World War, leaving only gaywise bakers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
Oh, I'm with you.

Recently they issued this stamp, without even warning people it doesn't even look like that any more ! !

I mean, talk about a "bait and switch" ! !

That's not too surprising as that painter wasn't even French. He was one of the phlegms. So that picture is probably not even of France, but more likely of one of the phlegmatic countries. The cheating French just put it on their stamp to mislead hapless tourists.

Proverbs 10:9

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AW


2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 11:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife View Post
The cheating French just put it on their stamp to mislead hapless tourists.
Look how they've even called it "La Danse les Paysanes" (Or 'Dance of the Paris People.')



Utterly shameless.

.
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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 11:41 AM

Brother Elmer, I understand that you are on fire for the Lord, but please be careful as the French are known to set you on fire "tout court".

If you feel it's getting a bit too hot, you are always welcome to visit me over here. I can not disclose my whereabouts in public, but I will send you a private message, so we can, eh, hook up. Don't bother trying public transport; apart from it being a communist plot, they are on strike for the next 4587 days anyway because a passenger farted on a train and apparently got hoisted on his own pétard.

Oh, and don't fall for the "It it weren't for France, there would not have been an inspired Thomas Paine, and there would not have been a USA" shtick they sometimes try. The USA has been founded by the Pilgrims, the rest is just secular noise.


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I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 12:52 PM

Why can't the French learn to speak proper American English? Or at least learn to speel properly. I mean, why say 'tout' when they should say 'toot' etc
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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 01:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven View Post
Why can't the French learn to speak proper American English? Or at least learn to speel properly. I mean, why say 'tout' when they should say 'toot' etc
I've been wondering about the same thing. I think it is because the French have so many loandwords from American and because the outrageous pronounciation of French has forced them to spell these originally clear and pure American words in confusing ways. Think about it! Difficult becomes 'difficile', enter becomes 'entrer', descending into Hell (the future of practically all French) has been twisted into 'descendre'.

This is what GOD says about that!

Jeremiah 23:30
Therefore, behold, I am against the prophets, saith the LORD, that steal my words every one from his neighbour.

That's the French! Stealing innocent American words and corrupting them!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-17-2014, 01:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open View Post
Brother Elmer, I understand that you are on fire for the Lord, but please be careful as the French are known to set you on fire "tout court".

If you feel it's getting a bit too hot, you are always welcome to visit me over here. I can not disclose my whereabouts in public, but I will send you a private message, so we can, eh, hook up. Don't bother trying public transport; apart from it being a communist plot, they are on strike for the next 4587 days anyway because a passenger farted on a train and apparently got hoisted on his own pétard.

Oh, and don't fall for the "It it weren't for France, there would not have been an inspired Thomas Paine, and there would not have been a USA" shtick they sometimes try. The USA has been founded by the Pilgrims, the rest is just secular noise.
Thank you, Brother. I have not been told the exact name of this town but is has an outrageously large cat lick temple and I think the name could have been 'Charter'. I am fairly sure I'm going to be taken to the airport safely tomorrow!

I'll probably contact you in private as I think my messages are being monitored.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-18-2014, 04:41 AM

At the Generalissimo de Gaulle Airport. Thank God and all your prayers.



It's early morning here but not too soon to leave France. I got through the security check this time in a few hours with minimal fondling of my package and only removed my chastity belt and shoes for inspection; and I'm in the area for international travellers. Such relief!



And they have a full 15 minutes of free wifi at the Airport.No way I'm paying them any euros for an extension!

The general state of France is probably beyond any hope of salvation. I'd recommend cancellation of any mission here if you asked me now, but I think I'll cool off a few days, get back on track with my marital duties neglected during this time and have a complete check on the AIDS thingy that could have contaminated me despite my petitionary precautions.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Last edited by Elmer G. White; 07-18-2014 at 04:41 AM. Reason: Found a Café with free wifi. Thanks, Jesus! Checking on prayer requests!
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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-18-2014, 06:37 AM

Please check in tomorrow! If they drugged your food or drink, it could take up to 12 hours to feel the effects. Also, get scanned for any electronic implants or tracking devices they may have sneaked on/into you!!



You simply cannot take any chances with those people!
.
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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-19-2014, 02:36 AM

ELMER ALERT



Is he back safe and sound?

Have there been any known sightings ? ?
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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-19-2014, 03:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
ELMER ALERT



Is he back safe and sound?

Have there been any known sightings ? ?
Thank you, dear Sister!

Still in transit but safe albeit surrounded by sinners and homers that swarm the airways. I've started my further reports on France and will distribute them in due course.

Bless you and you remain in my prayers!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-19-2014, 04:34 AM

PRAISE!

Truly God© has protected you, as one of his righteous messengers.

It's the only explanation!

Quote:
Matthew 10:31 .Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-20-2014, 04:14 AM

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Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
It was the cavity search.
As a dentist, I do recommend getting regular dental checkups as part of a regime of dental and spiritual hygiene that includes daily brushing, flossing, and self-flagellation. However, those French dentists are real idiots--for Heaven's sake, they were looking up the wrong end of your gastrointestinal tract! I suppose in theory you could check for cavities that way, but you would need an especially deft touch and a REALLY long dental probe. It just wouldn't be worth the hassle.


A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. Proverbs 26:3
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

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Default Re: Visit France! My mission - day 1 (of 4) - 07-20-2014, 10:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
As a dentist, I do recommend getting regular dental checkups as part of a regime of dental and spiritual hygiene that includes daily brushing, flossing, and self-flagellation. However, those French dentists are real idiots--for Heaven's sake, they were looking up the wrong end of your gastrointestinal tract! I suppose in theory you could check for cavities that way, but you would need an especially deft touch and a REALLY long dental probe. It just wouldn't be worth the hassle.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if the French police secretif recruited its torturers among former or wannabe dentists. The colonic probe was indeed that elongated! Seriously, I think that the scenario you depicted is one of the ultimate sodomite fantasies. To be able to have rectal fornication and oral entertainment via the same orifice.

Acts 20:19
Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations, which befell me by the lying in wait of the Jews:


What a country. A nest of homerettes! We'll be seeing divine developments in the form of utter havoc on the French coast, Massif Central and the Côte Dabsurd soon! God is not going to tolerate this any longer.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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