[Brother V]

Psalm 66-70

Psalm 66

1 Make a joyful noise unto God, all ye lands:

Not some of the lands, ALL YE LANDS!

7 He ruleth by his power for ever; his eyes behold the nations: let not the rebellious exalt themselves. Selah.

The psalmist, again, is asking God to help the good (himself) and harm the wicked (any perceived enemies).

10 For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried.

How do you prove something? You beat the crap out of it until you fully believe it to be correct. How many "christians" today have been proved? Has a child of under 10 "proved" God? Why would anyone accept Jesus as their savior when they don't know any other option? God proves us, and wants us to prove him. (Granted Jesus is the correct answer, but still unless you know WHY 1+1=2, you don't really know, you are just a parrot.) Are you a Parrot, or a True Christian™?

15 I will offer unto thee burnt sacrifices of fatlings, with the incense of rams; I will offer bullocks with goats. Selah.

Remember, God doesn't NEED your offerings, but you still need to give it to Him.

20 Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me.

Who will provide the blessing for God? People will.

Psalm 67

1 God be merciful unto us, and bless us; and cause his face to shine upon us; Selah.

If we bless God, like in Psalm 66:20, he will bless us.

6 Then shall the earth yield her increase; and God, even our own God, shall bless us.

There's a little prosperity gospel for you from the OT.

Psalm 68

1 Let God arise, let his enemies be scattered: let them also that hate him flee before him.

Knowing David, we'll go out on a limb and say that the people who hate David are those that also hate God.

2 As smoke is driven away, so drive them away: as wax melteth before the fire, so let the wicked perish at the presence of God.

God doesn't allow smoking on his divine campus, and neither does Carle!

4 Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: extol him that rideth upon the heavens by his name JAH, and rejoice before him.

Psalm 68, the first reggae.

11 The Lord gave the word: great was the company of those that published it.

KJV is public domain. NIV is Zondervan/International Bible Society. NKJV is by Thomas Nelson.

15 The hill of God is as the hill of Bashan; an high hill as the hill of Bashan.

Bashan was the northern border that marked the end of Israel territory. Exactly which hill was technically "the hill of Bashan" we don't know. Perhaps it was the mountain that was moved into the sea? Just because we don't know if Bashan exists or is a metaphore, doesn't mean that the hill of God doesn't exist!

19 Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.

Our God is a friend with benefits!

22 The Lord said, I will bring again from Bashan, I will bring my people again from the depths of the sea:

Maybe it was tossed in the sea?

Matthew 21:21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

23 That thy foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same.

Praise Jesus, we get to walk in the blood of our enemies! How many people do we get to/have to kill in order to make the streets run red with their blood?

31 Princes shall come out of Egypt; Ethiopia shall soon stretch out her hands unto God.

Boney, skinny, starved hand, but stretched out nonetheless.

Psalm 69 the way to succeed and the way to suck eggs



1 Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.

David is sucking again.

3 I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.

That would be a whole lot of whining for David, as he's pretty proficient at crying.

4 They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away.

David never did anything wrong? Hated without a cause? Not the David of the Bible...

5 O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee.

Maybe those that hate David are SENT from God, because of Davids foolishness.

12 They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards.

Even the homeless and the wine-o's made fun of him.

36 The seed also of his servants shall inherit it: and they that love his name shall dwell therein.

I'm still surprised there hasn't been some creative editing done in the Bible, where God promises David's generations forever to rule... and then they don't.

Psalm 70

1 MAKE HASTE, O GOD, TO DELIVER ME; MAKE HASTE TO HELP ME, O LORD.

Why were the caps lock on?

3 Let them be turned back for a reward of their shame that say, Aha, aha.

This psalm almost looks like it was written by someone on the internets posting on a web forum, while they were drunk.

5 But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: thou art my help and my deliverer; O LORD, make no tarrying.

Caps Lock, typing like they talk, and excessive use of punctuation, yep, that's a drunk post.

So what have we learned today?

1. David is a whiny do gooder.

2. Heaven is as real as Bashan.

3. Don't write the Bible (KJV1611) when you are drunk.

4. Jah, got it.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

I really like this part:

Ps 69:27-28 Add iniquity unto their iniquity: and let them not come into thy righteousness. Let them be blotted out of the book of the living, and not be written with the righteous.

Dear Lord, do not allow my enemies to ever become saved. Please kill them and make sure they go straight to Hell. Amen.