[Free Market Fred]

Hello fellow True Christians!

With the new school season just starting up, I realize that many of you are concerned with the rising cost of education. Seems like everything gets more expensive all the time, and if you're balancing mortgage payments with credit card debt and wage cuts due to all the illegal aliens taking your jobs, it can be tough to make ends meet.

I know that most of you fine folks live in God's chosen country, the USA, or else other Christian nations like Europe (even if it is infiltrated by socialists worse than Obama!). But I think this is a good time to spare a thought for those of us who are forced - for employment reasons - to live in Asia. As most of you know, I live in Hong Kong, essential in my business of finding the best deals on goods manufactured by prison labor in China.

What you probably don't know is how expensive it can be to live here. This is a crowded city, and real estate is outrageously priced. I don't want to even tell you how much I had to pay for my little house on The Peak, and as you can see, I don't even have enough space to grow a lawn, let alone have a private runway for my Lear Jet:


My tiny house in Hong Kong

Fortunately, I do have a large enough roof for landing a helicopter. Considering how bad the traffic is here, that's not a luxury, but rather a necessity.

Anyway, like everything else here, education is expensive. While I don't have any kids (that I'd acknowledge), a lot of my CEO friends that I play golf with at the Hong Kong Country Club do indeed have family. And since the Chink Stock Market recently took a beating, some of them are wondering how they're going to afford tuition, transportation and boarding fees for their children. A lot of the kids got long commutes, and costs add up fast.


Seeing the kids off to school

I got no quick and easy solution for this problem, but I thought I'd mention it so ya'll can say prayers for my friends. Times are tough, and with a presidential election coming up next year, we got lots of expenses purchasing candidates who can keep the bailouts coming. It's a problem that formerly middle class trailer trash never get to see. I personally think that we - the 1% that create jobs - are the most persecuted minority in the world.

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

[Des]

Amen, Brother. I'll reserve a 2 minute prayer spot for you tonight.

What you said is right on the mark. We True Christians™ make up about 1% of the people claiming to be Christians. We that 1% are truly the ones making the world go 'round financially. And we the 1% are the most hated and persecuted minority on earth.

You know the saying. No good deed goes unpunished. And we are virtually the only people in the world who are consistently doing good deeds by creating new jobs, carrying the economy, and diligently continuing to assure that America is the greatest of all nations. Yet they hate us for all the toil, for all the blood, for all the sweat, and for all the tears. Let no man speak onto us of oppression until they have walked a mile in our shoes.

Not that I'm lending anyone my Testonis or Stefano Bemers, mind you. Metaphorical shoes, not the real things.

[H. Montague Worthington]

One thing I have learned well is that those who are not Truly Saved, those who do NOT follow the True Word of God, and otherwise sinful heathens are a selfish, envious, and mean-spirited bunch that will do anything to tear down the lives of True Christians™. They don't care how it affects your life, your career, your children's education, or your bank account. They will attempt to slander you, ruin your reputation, and use the tools of liberals, Communists, and sinners to smear your good name.

They will attempt to ruin you with ridiculous accusations of child molestation, drug smuggling, running a human slavery operation, lying to Congress, kidnapping, mass hypnotism, selling counterfeit vaccines to International charities, operating a number of pyramid investment schemes, false advertising, systemized car theft/chop shops over multiple continents, selling dangerous/deadly products under brand names appealing to children, drugging victims and training them to work 20+ hours a day in sweatshops, organ harvesting, pirating the latest blockbuster romantic comedies, selling human organs on the black market, fixing elections in the Philippines and several other southeast Asian countries, conspiring to overthrow the governments of Panama and Bolivia, blood diamond smuggling, and numerous other crimes.

They're just jealous of my success, all of them.