The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns. |
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-06-2011, 09:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Brother Hutchins, it could be that there might be a way to raise some funds, other than a bake sale. I might be able to pick some of the young ladies up as interns for the summer. In that way I could help with the financial aspects of the event.
Mistress Cookie has informed me that I will not be able to attend unless I am accompanied by a Christian Girl with proven purity. Is it possible that one of your nieces might be able to attend the function with me? YIC James
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It has to be a father/daughter dance, as I understand it. I'll have to consult my Bible and a Pastor to see if there is a work around. I seem to recall something about being able to have a daughter through servitude.
If so, your interns, having worked for nothing over the summer, are indebted to you. I bet Rev. Osborne knows for sure.
If he agrees at one of your interns suits the bill, you will have to have the intern closely inspected for purity being you have not be able to supervise her entire life.
Not to worry, as long as we follow the Bible, we can do no wrong.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-06-2011, 09:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Brother Hutchins, it could be that there might be a way to raise some funds, other than a bake sale.
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Yes, this is a brilliant idea. Call me.
brother james, Lycia is on the warpath about you not inviting her to the purity ball even though we don't know the date and she's no one's daughter please call her, or it sounds from her post she might be in the prayer shack. I'm having bobby-joe encode this. and yes lunch is fine whenever you get here but please see to Lycia first or she might "forget" to make the restaurant reservation.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-06-2011, 10:46 PM
I just got off the phone with Pastor Bathfire. He feels any man blessed with all sons should never be denied a night of relaxation. Therefore a surrogate daughter sounds fine. Again, her purity must be verified by an independent expert source. I would like to suggest we have a screening room for surrogates at the ball and that some of the father s accept this arduous task. I have already placed my name on the list, as well as Rev. Osborne, Mr. Dewitt and The Honorable HTannor.
As an added plus, since these surrogates are not directly related to a male member, they may dine at the Landover Mens Club
Again, any Landover married man who has no daughter living at the time of the ball may use a surrogate. For example, a man whose wife has died and no daughters exist, a man whose wife has run off with an abo, a man whose wife has only blessed him with sons, a man whose daughter died that very afternoon all qualify. Additionally, if a mans daughter has married, he also qualifies for a surrogate. I will ask that all surrogates be under the age of 20. If your daughter is unmarried and over 20, I have to ask, what is wrong with her?
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-07-2011, 04:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
Yes, this is a brilliant idea. Call me.
brother james, Lycia is on the warpath about you not inviting her to the purity ball even though we don't know the date and she's no one's daughter please call her, or it sounds from her post she might be in the prayer shack. I'm having bobby-joe encode this. and yes lunch is fine whenever you get here but please see to Lycia first or she might "forget" to make the restaurant reservation.
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I am sorry that I have not called you, Rev Jim and I where a bit busy at the beach today preaching to well, scantily clothed females.
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins
I just got off the phone with Pastor Bathfire. He feels any man blessed with all sons should never be denied a night of relaxation. Therefore a surrogate daughter sounds fine. Again, her purity must be verified by an independent expert source. I would like to suggest we have a screening room for surrogates at the ball and that some of the father s accept this arduous task. I have already placed my name on the list, as well as Rev. Osborne, Mr. Dewitt and The Honorable HTannor.
As an added plus, since these surrogates are not directly related to a male member, they may dine at the Landover Mens Club
Again, any Landover married man who has no daughter living at the time of the ball may use a surrogate. For example, a man whose wife has died and no daughters exist, a man whose wife has run off with an abo, a man whose wife has only blessed him with sons, a man whose daughter died that very afternoon all qualify. Additionally, if a mans daughter has married, he also qualifies for a surrogate. I will ask that all surrogates be under the age of 20. If your daughter is unmarried and over 20, I have to ask, what is wrong with her?
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Well in that case I will ask Lycia to attend that gala with me. She is a Born Again Christian therefore her virginity is intact. As a gift to all the upstanding members of Landover Baptist Church, I will pick up the tab.
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-07-2011, 05:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Well in that case I will ask Lycia to attend that gala with me. She is a Born Again Christian therefore her virginity is intact.
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Lycia is indeed a treasure. I received the sweetest note from her, apologizing for her rash post.
This vision of Young Christian Womanhood is a beacon of light for all the Purity Ball stands for, and I hope she will agree to be our keynote speaker at the ball.
I wrote back:
Of course, Little One, all is forgiven. You know we "elders" (shudder) must sometimes take a firm hand with the "younger generation" when sacred topics such as the Freehold Fathers Day Purity Ball even APPEAR to be challenged with the merest BREATH of disrespect. Everyone is so proud of how far you have come, Lycia, and so pleased you are now clasped deep in the bosom of Freehold. You are a sweet, obedient child, your Redemption™ one of our True Christian™ Victories. Please don't let the incident trouble you further; we shall speak no more of it. And trust me, you'll be going to the ball one way or another, I can guarantee you that No child left behind.
(Now I'm getting a little teary!)
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-07-2011, 05:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
Lycia is indeed a treasure. I received the sweetest note from her, apologizing for her rash post.
This vision of Young Christian Womanhood is a beacon of light for all the Purity Ball stands for, and I hope she will agree to be our keynote speaker at the ball.
I wrote back:
Of course, Little One, all is forgiven. You know we "elders" (shudder) must sometimes take a firm hand with the "younger generation" when sacred topics such as the Freehold Fathers Day Purity Ball even APPEAR to be challenged with the merest BREATH of disrespect. Everyone is so proud of how far you have come, Lycia, and so pleased you are now clasped deep in the bosom of Freehold. You are a sweet, obedient child, your Redemption™ one of our True Christian™ Victories. Please don't let the incident trouble you further; we shall speak no more of it. And trust me, you'll be going to the ball one way or another, I can guarantee you that No child left behind.
(Now I'm getting a little teary!)
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Gosh darn it Mistress, now ya got me all red eyed and misty.
Could you talk to Lycia, I went out to her menstra last night and told her that I will take her to the Ball. She did not answer me at all. I even told her that I will fly her to Paris to get a new dress. I think she is mad at me. That reminds me would you like to accompany us, there is a new Gold La may dress in your future?
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Ex-prostitute on her knees for the Lord Now that she's Saved©, Priceless
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,017
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wherever Jesus takes me
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-07-2011, 06:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
Lycia is indeed a treasure. I received the sweetest note from her, apologizing for her rash post.
This vision of Young Christian Womanhood is a beacon of light for all the Purity Ball stands for, and I hope she will agree to be our keynote speaker at the ball.
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Please Sister, you're making me blush.
A keynote speaker? Well, I am certainly honored Sister, but I really don't know if I want to bore the menfolk with my blathering on. Surely there must be somebody more eloquent than me. Have you asked Mayor Hold if he'd be interested in speaking at the event? Perhaps Judge HTannor? Possibly Rev. Jim?
On a side-note, Sister, I have recently formed an organization dedicated to fighting fornication and pre-marital sex. Perhaps you would allow us to have a small recruitment table at the entrance to the Ball?
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Could you talk to Lycia, I went out to her menstra last night and told her that I will take her to the Ball. She did not answer me at all. I even told her that I will fly her to Paris to get a new dress. I think she is mad at me. That reminds me would you like to accompany us, there is a new Gold La may dress in your future?
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Were you using the intercom, Brother? I think there might be a problem with it, I've been trying to get Lupe up here all day! At first I thought it was just because she was being lazy, but since I did not hear you through it maybe she wasn't just being shiftless.
Brother, I would be honored to act as your surrogate daughter. You've already been like a father to me since I got the job as your personal assistant.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 16
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Las Cruces, New Mexico
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-08-2011, 12:27 AM
My daddy is in jail for shooting that nigra boy who came by our house. He said he was trying to sell magazines to make money for college, but daddy knew he wanted to rape me or mama. I just turned 18 a few weeks ago. If my pastor will let me, I'm sure I could get to Freehold for Father's day since so many nice pastor's don't have daughters to go with.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,656
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-08-2011, 12:52 AM
There was a mention of prizes. I wonder whether in the spirit of Australian/American co-operation an agricultural theme might be appropriate (for one of the prizes)?
We are advancing all the time here in farm technology, and I could ship one of our locally made tractors if desired.
But if not, that's OK, too.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-08-2011, 07:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
................ As a gift to all the upstanding members of Landover Baptist Church, I will pick up the tab.
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James, I already arranged the auction, placed the deposit on the items to be auctioned and purchased the clothes they are to wear. I think we should have the auction anyways, perhaps use the proceeds for a worthy cause, like to cover the bar tab.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: 2011 Fathers Day Purity Ball Themes? -
01-09-2011, 12:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins
James, I already arranged the auction, placed the deposit on the items to be auctioned and purchased the clothes they are to wear. I think we should have the auction anyways, perhaps use the proceeds for a worthy cause, like to cover the bar tab.
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I will cover the money needed to rent the hall, and the food. Hopefully the auction will cover the bar tab. I got off on the easy end of this one!
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