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Cake Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-11-2017, 06:13 PM

Have a very happy birthday, dear Brother!

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Prayer Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Potter! - 03-11-2017, 06:43 PM

Dearest Brother,

Please, be not too disappointed that Jesus has not yet chosen you to be by His side forever! Every day that moment is closer and closer. I am positive that by your next birthday your worn-out body will succumb under all its begetting duties and Jesus will finally accept you!



Deuteronomy 33:27
The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Cake Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Potter! - 03-11-2017, 06:56 PM

Is this the famed Harry Potter of film and literature?


Or is it homosexual Harold Porter who visits drag shows and tries to pretend he's an ex-gay?


Live your life, Harold Porter! Be gay and proud! There is hope. There is help. There is love. No need to hide behind the shadows. Let your birthday be your independence day.


"And so what if I love each sparkle and each spangle? Why not try to see life from a different angle? Your life is a sham until you can say, I am what I am!"


A half truth is a whole lie.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-11-2017, 08:54 PM

Dearest Brother, the Lytton-Vasey family wishes you the happiest of birthdays and not too many more of them.

Little Hannah made you Birthday Donuts, smothered in sugar icing and with extra sprinkles, to help you on your way to Jesus.




Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-11-2017, 11:58 PM

Hereby I send you very male and totally non-gay greetings for you birthday, dear Brother in Christ.

Us Christian males are the most macho men on Earth thanks to your guidance.


YIC,


Brother Gonzalez


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-12-2017, 03:37 AM

Thank you, my Brethren in Christ. Of course, my special day was entirely fag-free, with Jesus guarding me from below-the-belt-temptation. I believe with all my heart that only my walk with God, and the support of Landover Baptist Church, keeps me from violent rectal recidivism.

But it was not always so easy on my birthday to avoid filthy anal sin. I even had myself convinced that, of all days, my birthday was one that I should celebrate, with as much frenzied colonic coitus as was possible within the 24 hour celebration.


I do recall my arrest at "Burt's Big and Tall" in my thirties, on my special day, when I was apprehended in the fitting room with an anonymous sissy. I guess the noise alerted the store manager, but it wasn't me making any noise. And the subsequent night in jail. And the fine.


Then the night in 1984 that I found Jesus Christ, after the arrest in the men's room stall at the local Sambo's. The felony sex crimes were bargained down to a simple misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure. I knew I needed help.


And Jesus saved me.


I am forever in His debt!


Praise God.


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-12-2017, 04:04 AM

My Dear Brother Porter,
Please accept my deepest condolences on your birthday. Jesus has chosen to let you endure for another year of toil in His Name. He obviously has yuge plans for you. Do not be surprised if He takes you into His gentle arms and welcomes you into His Fold this year sometime.


YIC
TT


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For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Jesus Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-13-2017, 05:37 PM

A most Blessed, if not belated, Birthday, my dear Brother in Christ.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-17-2017, 05:45 PM

Blessed Belated Birthday to you, Brother Porter. May Jesus shine His light on your darkest nights and bless you with vision to see His Holy Worldview.


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

Guns For God and the Economy
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Bible Re: Happy Birthday, Brother Harold Porter! - 03-18-2017, 09:57 PM

What the holy Jesus happened? One minute, Brother Porter and I were doing a laying of hahds and sipping a insignificant amount of Glenlivet with some unfortunate lost boys from the streets of Vegas in my suite at the Bellagio and I just woke today. It seems housekeeping cleaned the room as my clothes, wallet, watch (given to me by Pastor Zeke on my 50th birthday, inscribed with "God will Kill you soon, if I my prayers are answered". I suspect my 930 was taken to be detailed as it was not in my reserved handicapped space.
So forgive me for missing this announcement and failing to get you a token gift like a years golfing at Mar-a-Largo. I'll make sure you feel my deep and penetrating love the next time we are together.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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