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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
01-09-2016, 05:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows
In accordance with Jesus' command, I will not be announcing that I donated $1,000,000 toward Zeke's new jet.
Matthew 6:1 Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Read more
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Only about 36 more of those to go. Chop-chop people. If Creflo get's his before I get mine there's going to be hell to pay.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,170
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
01-09-2016, 05:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester
Sure, he will take a commercial flight now and then for the sake of appearance
Bless you, my Sopwith Camels in an F-35 world,
Father Mo
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One thing to say on your behalf, Padre-Of-Many-Children Maurice, is that you addressed a very important aspect of this project. It is that the aircraft used by God's favorite preachers determines the effectiveness of their missions.
Your smiling-behind-his-snarl Pope thinks its important to sometimes fly commercial to create the impression of humbleness. His driver carries him around in a little Ford Focus, again humbleness.
Humbleness is not in the mission of Pastor Zeke. It is greatness. In fact, it is important he be less humble than any other preacher in the world, especially Creflo Dollar.
I wish I could ask the Pope these questions. Does humbleness defeat sin? Does Satan cower and run for cover from humbleness? The answer to both of these is NO. Greatness and the force of will is what defeats sin and Satan. This is Pastor Zeke. This is not the Pope.
The Committee's message is this. We need to order the Airbus for Pastor Zeke and order it soon.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,170
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
02-06-2016, 10:08 PM
I've told you many times about the bald ambition of Preacher Creflo Dollar to take over the top spot now held by our beloved Pastor Zeke. Creflo wants a bigger plane than Pastor Zeke.
With us well on our way to buying an aircraft Creflo Dollar can only dream about, he is taking another route to fame. He is lobbying fearcely to have a state highway named after him, Creflo Dollar Interstate.
We need to move rapidly on all fronts. First, we need to round up the final dollars to order the Airbus. Second, we to name I-80 that crosses Iowa to Pastor Zeke Interstate.
Creflo Dollar Prays for Georgia Lawmakers Amid Highway Naming Controversy
Amid controversy surrounding a proposal to name a portion of an Atlanta highway after him, World Changers megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar visited Georgia's state House of Representatives Thursday to pray for leaders and lawmakers.
As the "pastor of the day," Dollar addressed the legislature on how government is a "divinely appointed duty," and expressed his appreciation for "leaders who still acknowledge and recognize good morals that are in line with God's Word."
The World Changers Church pastor also prayed for judges, mayors, policeman and community leaders, asking God to give them wisdom, protection and "a heart that yields to God and His ways," according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
CDollar's state House visit comes just days after State Sen. Donzella James, D-Atlanta, introduced legislation to name a portion of an Atlanta highway after him — a move that has sparked heavy criticism. Senate Resolution 805 calls for a portion of Fulton County's Old National Highway to be named after the televangelist.
As previously reported by The Christian Post, news of the proposal has not been well-received by many community residents and business owners who feel that neither Dollar nor the highway in question are worthy of the honor.
One resident told WSB-TV 2 that Dollar was not meeting the needs of the entire community. Of major concern for some area business owners is that Old National Highway has a split personality of sorts.
Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/cr...ZDwfd6gr8Jw.99
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
02-07-2016, 08:10 PM
We're still praying, Pastor! The entire Landover Baptist Church Ladies Prayer Warrior Assembly (LBCLPWA) is hard at work storming the Throne Room of Heaven!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,741
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
02-09-2016, 04:31 PM
I regret to inform the other pastors and the congregation that Landover has been subjected to a torrent of abusive and threatening emails concerning the funding of the jet.
I quote:
"Are you sure this is the best use of church money?"
Lilian Tempest, NJ
"Is there perhaps savings to be made on the equipment on board the jet?"
Roger Mee SC
"Why are there gold fittings in the bathroom?"
Mervin Davis CA
We do not tolerate any sort of "Hate-Speech" here.
The question of the jet is not a matter for debate: that has been settled!
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,914
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Black Forrest, Germany
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
02-09-2016, 11:01 PM
Last year we opened a slavery hospital in Zimbabwe.
The idea is basically that we buy sick slaves from their owners, make them appear healthy again and sell them for a much higher price. I am not actually be there but the tricks vary between giving drugs or very cheap operations made by cheap "doctors" - some of these doctors are drug addicts or slaves themselves.
We think that this year we will make a good cashlow and we will put bunch of that money into the Pastor's Plane of course.
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,170
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-12-2016, 03:40 AM
Friends, the Committee met in an emergency session this morning. It was an emergency because of the money scandal in Panama. As you know, various world celebrities have been exposed for stashing secret funds there. Pastor Zeke's name has come up.
While all this is being worked out, Landover Baptist needs to provide the Pastor with an alternative to banks. The Committee believes his new Airbus can be equipped with a secret and secure currency room.
This room will accommodate the dollars he takes overseas and the foreign currency he brings back. Banks, and their little busy-body auditors, will no longer be needed.
Let's put our shoulders to the wheel and get this Airbus for the Pastor. Landover Baptist does not need Panama.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-12-2016, 05:14 AM
Thank you Mayor Joe Hold!
Honestly, I am very disappointed that we have not made more progress toward out goal, especially because Boeing just announced it has sold a whopping FOUR 747 jumbo jets to an unnamed party (cough, Creflo Dollar, cough)!
We need to get on the ball and get Pastor his plane!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-12-2016, 01:09 PM
I never trusted those messicans with our money anyway. Some of you Church members are too young to recall how Noriega screwed us over. I like Andorra and for local transactions, the Caymans
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,232
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-12-2016, 08:09 PM
It's a crying shame this has taken so long. All we need from everyone is 36 donations of $1m or more or 360 donations of $100k or 3600 donations of $10k. That's not a lot of money folks, most everyone can find $10k if they have to. Now is the time.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-12-2016, 08:40 PM
So this Panama thing is not working out, but shouldn't we still be looking for a way to launder the jet purchase to avoid sales tax? Nobody wants to give Obama any more tax money than we have to.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-13-2016, 12:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan
So this Panama thing is not working out, but shouldn't we still be looking for a way to launder the jet purchase to avoid sales tax? Nobody wants to give Obama any more tax money than we have to.
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Ifs it possible to write off as a medical expense? Salvation is critical to mental stability.
Could we start a 501C? It could own the plane and make the requisite 5% minimum donations to the Church. We all know the good Godly Pastor Ezekiel works 24/7/365 doing what he can to the down trodden.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,207
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-14-2016, 02:41 AM
Dear all,
Perhaps a slight change of plans might prove fruitful. Due to recent developments, earlier plans might not be attainable and new opportunities have popped up. I suggest we take a radical new approach and ditch the plans for the Airbus and plan for an Antonov AN-225. Please allow me to elaborate:
The current project has met some financial difficulties. If this were not so, the new aircraft would have already been there. Even though my knowledge of finance is limited, I sense an urgency to reallocate funds after reading some posts on this forum regarding the beloved pastor. Furthermore: Recently a trade deal got botched. A trade deal between the EU and Ukraine. As we all know their currency is already plummeting and their economy is in a downward spiral. This gives room for opportunity, especially to those who are familiar with the business friendly attitude of the local government.
Merits of the Antonov AN-225 are it´s size, capacity and it seems to be made in the Ukraine. As this is the biggest aircraft ever made with the ability to lift a whopping 250 tons of cargo it would be the ideal choice if you want to install some proper furniture with things like gold ornaments which do add a little extra weight. With this aircraft there would be no need to make concessions for mundane things like the extra weight of a golden toilet bowl.
I am sure there are opportunities here that can benefit both Zeke and the Svoboda brigade in the people of Ukraine.
Kind regards,
Roland
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,170
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-14-2016, 04:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland
Dear all, I suggest we take a radical new approach and ditch the plans for the Airbus and plan for an Antonov AN-225. Please allow me to elaborate:
Merits of the Antonov AN-225 are it´s size, capacity and it seems to be made in the Ukraine. As this is the biggest aircraft ever made with the ability to lift a whopping 250 tons of cargo it would be the ideal choice if you want to install some proper furniture with things like gold ornaments which do add a little extra weight. With this aircraft there would be no need to make concessions for mundane things like the extra weight of a golden toilet bowl.
I am sure there are opportunities here that can benefit both Zeke and the Svoboda brigade in the people of Ukraine.
Roland
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Thank you, Roland, for that suggestion. The Committee actually did consider the Antonor AN-225.
The folks from the Ukraine brought one over and took Pastor Zeke for an in-air evaluation. The Pastor found the noise level a little too high in the movie theater room. So far, that design flaw has not been corrected.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,207
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-14-2016, 04:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
Thank you, Roland, for that suggestion. The Committee actually did consider the Antonor AN-225.
The folks from the Ukraine brought one over and took Pastor Zeke for an in-air evaluation. The Pastor found the noise level a little too high in the movie theater room. So far, that design flaw has not been corrected.
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Hello Johny,
According to Des this problem is already solved:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Des
I peeked in on him after breakfast. Couldn't tell from all the gauze, but it almost looked as though his ears were burned off. God must truly be looking out for him if He was kind enough to remove Pastor Zeke's ears, thus sparing him from hearing all the viscous lies being spread.
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Kind regards,
Roland
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-14-2016, 08:13 AM
Did someone check the cargo bay doors on the Antonor AN-225 - can we get Pastor Zeke's limo onboard?
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,207
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-14-2016, 05:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan
Did someone check the cargo bay doors on the Antonor AN-225 - can we get Pastor Zeke's limo onboard?
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Hello William,
The aircraft does come with a cargo door big enough to fit a truck.
That however would be a waste of space inside the aircraft which might compromise things like an on board swimming pool. Something that might be nice to have considering the physical state of the Pastor according to the testimony of some True Christians™ on this forum.
Luckily there is a solution: The Antonov has quite a large parking space on top of the aircraft. It is big enough to carry a space shuttle!
Kind regards,
Roland
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,454
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-14-2016, 06:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland
...The Antonov has quite a large parking space on top of the aircraft. It is big enough to carry a space shuttle!
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Lemme see if I get this straight: you'd put the limo in the cargo bay of the Space Shuttle to carry it around on the Antonov so you can keep the built-in pool? I suppose you'd get it in and out with the Canadarm?
Bunch of geniuses working together here.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,207
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-14-2016, 10:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
[...]
Bunch of geniuses working together here.
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Great, istn´t it!
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 213
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Bozeman, MT
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Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. -
04-17-2016, 05:31 AM
I don't know what makes me feel worse; buying a plane from atheist pseudo-Russians, buying a plane from the French (nuff said), or that I was only able to donate a mere $300K.
I am praying as hard as I can every day for this. I've posted pictures of planes all over my prayer closet. I held off replacing my broken down Aston-Martin so that I could send another $150K. And, I pasted a picture of Creflo Dollar over the bullseye on the dartboard in my entertainment center.
if there is anything more I can do, brothers and sisters, please let me know.
Humbly,
Wally
Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
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