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Default The Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-08-2009, 05:48 PM

Announcing
The First Annual
Landover Baptist Church

Family Values Beauty Contest, be aware that contestants should have no artificial enhancements.

Categories include:

1.Scripture quiz

2.Homemade dress

3.Kitchen cleaning race

4.Fish cleaning fillet ability based on time and lack of waste

5.Stone throwing for distance and accuracy

6.Bathing suit competition

To enter send a photo and an essay titled Christian values and how we can promote them in the 21st century.
Entries may be posted here, or sent to me via PM.





Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Last edited by eliot mayfield; 05-10-2009 at 12:16 AM.
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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-08-2009, 07:00 PM

I'm the head judge of the bathing suit segment. If you wish to become a judge, post here with your qualifications. Men only!

Bathing suit competition

Criteria includes:

1. Skin Color (Best shade of orange) (Contestants who take anti-Malerial pills or have liver disease will be disqualified)

2. Buttock flatness

3. Best shade of Blonde

4. Purity test (female assistants will check contestants for tattoos and other cuttings of the skin (Leviticus 19:28), as well for evidence of hymen-restoration surgery)

5. Breasts (Winner has the closest resemblence to a half-football. Contestants with silicone implants must provide proof from a pastor that the silicone arrived as a miracle from the LORD and not from surgery.)

6. Slimness.(Judged by square inches of visible bones, not including knuckles and kneecaps.)

7. Makeup application (1 point deducted for every visible pore)

8. Face (a computer program will analyze a scanned photo of the contestants face. Closest resemblence to Pamela Anderson wins).

Entrance standard: to enter, you must be at least as attractive as this:



Before the inevitable complains from the feminists about why brunettes and so on are disqualified, remember that Eve, who was created directly from God, is the standard of beauty. Because evolution is a lie, women who look less like Eve look that way due to unGodly ancestry, ie animals and demons.

Therefore, the less you deviate from Eve, the more attractive you are. Creation Scientists have calculated the exact shade of blonde Eve's hair was, and the exact shade of orange her skin was. "Diversity" is not beautiful - there was only one Eve.


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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 10-24-2009 at 03:17 PM.
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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-08-2009, 07:33 PM

Just a cotton-picking minute there Jed!!!
I thinking you're being a bit too strict! Sarah Palin is not a Blonde.

You wouldn't let Sarah Palin in the bathing suit category?


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-08-2009, 09:12 PM

Maybe if he was the only judge.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-08-2009, 09:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
I thinking you're being a bit too strict! Sarah Palin is not a Blonde.
I have heard on good authority that her hair is dyed. A necessary evil in politics, it draws attention to her main strength (her intelligence). She wears glasses for the same reason - her eyesight is actually flawless.


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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-08-2009, 09:48 PM

That makes sense.


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-09-2009, 12:21 PM

To Miss P.H. in Ill.,

I think you may have taken brother Jeb's reference to Eve a bit too seriously. It is a plus that you chose the pre-apple version of Eve though. And it's also good we now know you are indeed a True Blonde as well.
We will be getting in touch with soon.
But, your essay was a bit of a negative. I'm not sure that Christian PETA's without fur is going to be a be hit. And your spelling needs to improve. But your use of Leviticus was nice.
And including Song of Solomon, chapter 4 verse 3 on your photo was an inspiration!





Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


http://www.shangrala.org/Pictures/Christ%20Michael.jpg
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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-09-2009, 03:49 PM

M.R. in L.I.

Please don't bother continuing! The essay was fine, but the Eve thing does not work!!!

AND BTW:
Song of Solomon, chapter 7, verse 7

Says clusters of grapes!!! NOT and I repeat, NOT like globs of cottage cheese!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


http://www.shangrala.org/Pictures/Christ%20Michael.jpg
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Default Re: Tha Landover Baptist Family Values Christian Beauty Contest - 05-09-2009, 08:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Announcing
The First Annual
Landover Baptist Church

Family Values Beauty Contest, be aware that contestants should have no artificial enhancements.
Lawd Hab mercy!
I wished I knews about dis before I done went and sent LaVitra over to Saudi Arabia for their own beauty contest:
The Miss Beautiful Morals
Though we alls know LaVitra is kinda fat and homey, she still has da virtues and values of a good Christian lady!
Me and Leveda Coles spent all nite long sewing her a burkah costume worthy of dem Arabs. She has to be all coved ups so nothin but her nose is a showin.
Here is LaVitra for da Miss Photogenic contest
Now hopefully she kin be back fo yo contest!


Dis here da one for da swimsuit contest


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