[Morton Weinstein]

Greetings in the Holy Name of Jesus, who I killed 2000 years ago:


Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me. That has been my song ever since I repented of being a Joo and accepted that I killed the Savior of the World, a sin for which He freely forgave me.


So much has happened but here is a brief synopsis. Oy, what a life. First, I moved to New York.


Next, I dated a nice Christian woman for two years but her father didn't like that I was once a Joo so we had to break it off. Then I dated a widow whose husband had passed on due to his belief in the Christian Science religion. She was Christian Science, too, and wouldn't give it up. What's a nice ex-joo to do in such a case, I ask you? I moved on. I achieved three master's degrees and a Ph.D. in accounting and business administration. Shortly after my graduation, my father died and left me his haberdashery. I ran that for about a year and then I sold it to a nice Joo in midtown for several million dollars. I tithed ten percent of that to a local Baptist church and the Lord has blessed me tenfold. So I'm pretty good financially but not romantically.


My mother is in the hospital in South Bend, IN, but she is expected to recover from her infected bedsores and yeast infections. Smell? You bet they do. I am waiting to visit until they heal. What? You want me to vomit all over Mama? I don't think so.


So how is everyone? I hope you will pray for me. I need a woman badly as I am tempted daily with the sin of Onan.


Yours in the Savior I murdered,
Morton