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Default Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-23-2019, 03:47 AM

Friends, I know you were as nonplussed as I was when the Tennessee Bureau of Christian World Records announced Creflo Dollar had broken Pastor Zeke's record for Longest Sermon in Human History.

To be sure, at twenty three hours, nine minutes and one second, Creflo's June 2018 homily on the need for African Americans to reject premarital sex and seek deeper relationships with Jesus does sound like an impressive achievement.


But not so fast!


According to the following article...


https://www.christianitytoday.com/ne...icals-bla.html


...black preachers only have the longest average sermon times because they're constantly pausing for dramatic effect, and giving their overly demonstrative parishioners adequate time to wave their hands in the air and call out things like, "Oh yes," and "Amen, Lordt!"


I have painstakingly listened to every second of Creflo's record-breaking sermon, taking careful notes the whole time, and the results are damning.


If you remove every long, unnecessary gap in the pastor's speech, his sermon's total duration is a mere seventeen hours, four minutes, and twenty seconds!


Thus, Pastor Zeke's April 2017 sermon on the Satanic roots of boogie-woogie music, which lasted twenty two hours, six minutes, and thirteen seconds, still stands as history's longest!


I have forwarded my findings to the Tennessee Bureau, and I look forward to a ruling soon.


You are welcome, everybody.


You are welcome.


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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-23-2019, 04:20 AM

Creflo Dollar has been cheating since forever. He has claimed to own the largest airplane. Now it is clear Pastor Zeke will soon have one bigger.

Then Creflo tried to claim he was helping his teenage daughter to a more responsible life when he injured her by choking. She recovered but the boyfriend Creflo disliked has left the scene.

Now we learn he did not speak as long as he claimed. I'm sure Jesus can see through Creflo and knows Pastor Zeke preached the longest sermon on record.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-23-2019, 05:14 AM

What Creflo did (and what all these black Evangelical preachers seem to do) is no different than what a high school student does, when they are told to turn in a certain number of pages' worth of essay, so they type double spaced, just to increase the page count.


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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-24-2019, 05:07 PM

Should I trust the article that Faith Machine linked? I know he’s a wonderful man who cares a lot about the children he works with. I am at an impasse because the article linked is from Christianity Today. As Trump recently pointed out, they are dishonest liars, therefore this is reason enough for me to believe that black pastors actually DONT give the longest sermons.


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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-24-2019, 07:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
What Creflo did (and what all these black Evangelical preachers seem to do) is no different than what a high school student does, when they are told to turn in a certain number of pages' worth of essay, so they type double spaced, just to increase the page count.
Sadly I wasn't able to be present at Pastor Zeke's magnificent oration, but I heard from several usually reliable witnesses that he managed the whole thing without taking even one, single, brief comfort break! Is this true?


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-25-2019, 03:09 AM

It's quite true, Joanna! Just between you, me, and the wall, Pastor wears Depends during his marathon praise sessions!


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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-25-2019, 03:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Should I trust the article that Faith Machine linked? I know he’s a wonderful man who cares a lot about the children he works with. I am at an impasse because the article linked is from Christianity Today. As Trump recently pointed out, they are dishonest liars, therefore this is reason enough for me to believe that black pastors actually DONT give the longest sermons.
You back-stabbing little strumpet, how dare you question my judgment?

The Department of Faith assured me the editor of "Christianity Today" will be removed from that position forthwith, and I assumed this had become common knowledge.

Guess you were out of the loop, probably because you don't bother to stay current on topics of concern to people of faith.

I am so offended by your insolence! Why, I have a mind to take you across my knee and paddle your bottom until it's bright red!


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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-25-2019, 03:29 PM

That is a punishment I would have to accept Brother Faith Machine without question. My Pa would allow it as I just asked him this Christmas morning. In all honesty, your views about Christianity Today’s unfounded data lines up perfectly with Trump’s opinion of the paper about them lying.


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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-30-2019, 09:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
You back-stabbing little strumpet, how dare you question my judgment?

The Department of Faith assured me the editor of "Christianity Today" will be removed from that position forthwith, and I assumed this had become common knowledge.

Guess you were out of the loop, probably because you don't bother to stay current on topics of concern to people of faith.

I am so offended by your insolence! Why, I have a mind to take you across my knee and paddle your bottom until it's bright red!
why cause she wasn't sure, cause no one told her otherwise? Trumps word is law so how was she told know it was being or has be changed use you're head.


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-30-2019, 10:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vengeance Puriel View Post
how was she told know it was being or has be changed use you're head.
Could someone translate that into human language for me, please? Thank you.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-31-2019, 12:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Could someone translate that into human language for me, please? Thank you.
I can supply some punctuation, if that helps. I'm a big fan of the comma, it makes run on sentences more endearing. Purell should use with caution. Here:


Quote:
?!,.();""


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-31-2019, 07:51 AM

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Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Could someone translate that into human language for me, please? Thank you.
I proudly call myself multilingual, but I am as baffled as you are, Sister. The subject of that phrase seems to be BibleReader. However, I am confused regarding the rest of the grammatical structure. What is being done to whom? Also, why is Purell calling Brother Faith a head? Is that an insult? Does Purell think that FM has no body, that his head just floats without anything attached to it?

So many questions.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-31-2019, 03:05 PM

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Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Could someone translate that into human language for me, please? Thank you.

I have been to Pineville, Sister. It is located on the North Carolina-South Carolina border and conveniently placed for a fast get away when the authorities of either state come looking for violators. They drink the moonshine whiskey there and most of the people in the vicinity talk like that due to their drunken and irrational condition. They are armed to the teeth and inclined to shoot anyone they don't recognize. I barely escaped the town with my life and I cannot recommend the place.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-31-2019, 10:02 PM

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Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
I have been to Pineville, Sister. It is located on the North Carolina-South Carolina border and conveniently placed for a fast get away when the authorities of either state come looking for violators. They drink the moonshine whiskey there and most of the people in the vicinity talk like that due to their drunken and irrational condition. They are armed to the teeth and inclined to shoot anyone they don't recognize. I barely escaped the town with my life and I cannot recommend the place.
I'm from spruce pine NC , I've only been in Pineville about 4 years.


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-31-2019, 10:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Could someone translate that into human language for me, please? Thank you.
I was saying that he jump to the conclusion that she should already know, without knowledge is that she did or did not. He insulted her on the basis that it was common knowledge, when in fact not even her father knew the information otherwise she wouldn't have said what she said. I was telling him to use his head, and think before he speaks consider who he's talking to.


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-31-2019, 10:37 PM

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Originally Posted by Vengeance Puriel View Post
I was saying that he jump to the conclusion that she should already know, without knowledge is that she did or did not. He insulted her on the basis that it was common knowledge, when in fact not even her father knew the information otherwise she wouldn't have said what she said. I was telling him to use his head, and think before he speaks consider who he's talking to.
Thank you dear, but that's really no clearer. Have you considered proof-reading your posts before sending them? By "he jump" are you referring to my dear Brother in Christ, Faith_Machine? I so then I would suggest (and - unlike you - I do this quite politely), that you take your own advice and think before you speak and consider to whom you are talking.

On the bright side, though, I do think that you and Maxine make the perfect couple, both physically and intellectually, and I wish you every happiness together - far, far away from Freehold.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Creflo Dollar cheated! Pastor Ezekiel Flint's record has NOT been broken! - 12-31-2019, 10:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Thank you dear, but that's really no clearer. Have you considered proof-reading your posts before sending them? By "he jump" are you referring to my dear Brother in Christ, Faith_Machine? I so then I would suggest (and - unlike you - I do this quite politely), that you take your own advice and think before you speak and consider to whom you are talking.

On the bright side, though, I do think that you and Maxine make the perfect couple, both physically and intellectually, and I wish you every happiness together - far, far away from Freehold.
She is rather cute.


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
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