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Default Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 01-27-2011, 06:03 PM

As I was leafing through the latest Bride Magazine I had a startling thought! Which spouse will I be with in Heaven?!

You know I was married briefly to Brother Milbert when I was 14 and then he was accidentally killed when I was cleaning his gun. Now I've been happily engaged to Pastor Zeke for the past 6 years . Also, I've heard when I get to Heaven will I be a bride of JESUS?

I'm so confused. Who will be my spouse?

(Whoever it is, Sister Sue and Sister Talitha will still be my bridesmaids )

p/s: I hope it's Zeke.




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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 01-27-2011, 06:08 PM

There is no doubt in my mind sister that someone who has led as virtuous life as yourself and is doted upon by the Lord Jesus will have the reward of choosing to be a-spoused to all. If there were any doubt in the matter, I'd say one taste of your pie would be enough to sway any decision making in your favour. I'm not a Pastor so I will stand humbly corrected if wrong, but I certainly can find nothing against this in Scripture, since your Bridehood would be consecrated with all of their Manhoods and Husbandry issues.

I'd be pretty optimistic on this one.
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 01-27-2011, 08:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
As I was leafing through the lasted Bride Magazine I had a startling thought! Which spouse will I be with in Heaven?!

You know I was married briefly to Brother Milbert when I was 14 and then he was accidentally killed when I was cleaning his gun. Now I've been happily engaged to Pastor Zeke for the past 6 years . Also, I've heard when I get to Heaven will I be a bride of JESUS?

I'm so confused. Who will be my spouse?

(Whoever it is, Sister Sue and Sister Talitha will still be my bridesmaids )

p/s: I hope it's Zeke.
Lawd, I be jist as confused as you Miz Daisy but I do know fo a fact that the good Lawd done frown upon them threesome the Joos and other nasty folks participates in. Even in Heaven so watch out fo what you be askin fo!


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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 01-27-2011, 10:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
As I was leafing through the lasted Bride Magazine I had a startling thought! Which spouse will I be with in Heaven?!

You know I was married briefly to Brother Milbert when I was 14 and then he was accidentally killed when I was cleaning his gun. Now I've been happily engaged to Pastor Zeke for the past 6 years . Also, I've heard when I get to Heaven will I be a bride of JESUS?

I'm so confused. Who will be my spouse?

(Whoever it is, Sister Sue and Sister Talitha will still be my bridesmaids )

p/s: I hope it's Zeke.
Oh Daisy Mae, I don't quite know how to put this. I guess I'll just let the 1611 King James Bible answer your questions.
Matthew 22:23-30 -- The same day came to him the Sadducees, which say that there is no resurrection, and asked him, Saying, Master, Moses said, If a man die, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother. Now there were with us seven brethren: and the first, when he had married a wife, deceased, and, having no issue, left his wife unto his brother: Likewise the second also, and the third, unto the seventh. And last of all the woman died also. Therefore in the resurrection whose wife shall she be of the seven? for they all had her. Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.
Revelation 21:1-4 -- And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
I'm pretty sure Revelation means you won't even remember your sojourn on earth.


YiJC, BS

II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 01-27-2011, 10:58 PM

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Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
As I was leafing through the latest Bride Magazine I had a startling thought!
You are very lucky to have Pastor Ezekiel.
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-02-2011, 08:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vavoline Johnson View Post
Lawd, I be jist as confused as you Miz Daisy but I do know fo a fact that the good Lawd done frown upon them threesome the Joos and other nasty folks participates in. Even in Heaven so watch out fo what you be askin fo!
Miss Vavoline,

I hope you weren't shocked over the dream i had about you. I cant delte the thread and this is the first i've seen of you so i hope you wornt shocked sorry for derailing the thread but i felt just awufl about it. it was supposed to go in the mens private forum but it didnt it went in Flo's section instead by act of God or some Joo.

Anyway, about spouces in heaven. ...

I thought i heard that when we get to heaven we'll all be spayed and neutered sexless things. So it wont matter which spouce you see up there, we'll all be praising God all day 24/7/365/infinite in our sexless bodies wont that be wonderful? Check out these wonderful quotes by Mark twain (athiest, but right in this case):

In man's heaven everybody sings! The man who did not sing on earth sings there; the man who could not sing on earth is able to do it there. The universal singing is not casual, not occasional, not relieved by intervals of quiet; it goes on, all day long, and every day, during a stretch of twelve hours. And everybody stays; whereas in the earth the place would be empty in two hours. The singing is of hymns alone. Nay, it is of one hymn alone. The words are always the same, in number they are only about a dozen, there is no rhyme, there is no poetry: "Hosannah, hosannah, hosannah, Lord God of Sabaoth, 'rah! 'rah! 'rah! siss! -- boom! ... a-a-ah!"


and more, about our wonderufl God:

"Consider further: it is a praise service; a service of compliment, of flattery, of adulation! Do you ask who it is that is willing to endure this strange compliment, this insane compliment; and who not only endures it, but likes it, enjoys it, requires if, commands it? Hold your breath! "


Our Lord Jesus Christ of course! And he deserves every eternity of our restless praise!

and just a bit more:

"As you have seen, that singular show is a service of praise: praise by hymn, praise by prostration. It takes the place of "church." Now then, in the earth these people cannot stand much church -- an hour and a quarter is the limit, and they draw the line at once a week. That is to say, Sunday. One day in seven; and even then they do not look forward to it with longing. And so -- consider what their heaven provides for them: "church" that lasts forever, and a Sabbath that has no end! "


Wont it be great being in church for all eternity!?! I'm cant wait to go there and sit on his lap and ask him questions about why he maide the platypus and the appendix and other things like that.

I think maybe God was speaking to the athiest free thinker mark twain for a moment there and he didn't even realize it!


But anywqay, its amazing that we'll be so different. We'll be like God's fleshy Robots or something!


JGS


Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left. -- Isaiah 24:6 KJV
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-02-2011, 08:44 PM

I know I won't have to worry about that. All five (and soon to be sixth) of my ex-wives will be burning in Hell. An eternity away from hearing those shrieking, insufferable, nagging harpies....now that is Heaven.



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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-03-2011, 05:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post

p/s: I hope it's Zeke.
Honey, you only ever had one spouse and he's already dead. engaged for 6 years? Lord have mercy, your poor cooter must be drier than a negro's bank account on the 2nd of the month.

P.S. you must be sexually frustrated as all heck, huh?
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Wink Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-07-2011, 10:44 PM

Daisy Mae! I found the perfect man for you in the projects!



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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-07-2011, 11:21 PM



Begone, witch! Such an insult to our Beeloved Sister Daisy, who is a real Bible Thumper!

I Pray this neegroe gives you this very Pie - Right in your Pie-hole! When I am Bridesmaid, I can assure you, I will be waiting there with one even more dessicated than this one for in case you dare show up!

Perhaps this very neegroe as well. To taunt you with.
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-07-2011, 11:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
I know I won't have to worry about that. All five (and soon to be sixth) of my ex-wives will be burning in Hell. An eternity away from hearing those shrieking, insufferable, nagging harpies....now that is Heaven.
And of course the terrible irony would be to find that you were such a conceited bigot that you couldn't see your own flaws and you were the one burning in hell while they went on to heaven.

I think it's funny when men try to say who will be burned in hell and who will be saved. Isn't that supposed to be the Lord's decision? Are you so full of yourself that you really and honestly feel that you speak for God when he says that you say someone is damned?
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-07-2011, 11:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GodSavesWithCtlS View Post
I think it's funny when men try to say who will be burned in hell and who will be saved. Isn't that supposed to be the Lord's decision?
Of course it's all about the Mens, including God and JESUS! And, of course, Pastor

What are you, some kind of woman or something so that this displeasures you?
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-07-2011, 11:28 PM

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Daisy Mae! I found the perfect man for you in the projects!




Enjoy HELL Stacy! Buh bye now.

I win! Haa haa haaa!




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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-08-2011, 12:24 AM

Well Daisy, assuming your husbands are not sinners, they will all be in Heaven, though we will all be married to Jesus and servicing His needs, what ever they might be.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Which spouse will I be with in Heaven? - 02-09-2011, 12:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GodSavesWithCtlS View Post
And of course the terrible irony would be to find that you were such a conceited bigot that you couldn't see your own flaws and you were the one burning in hell while they went on to heaven.
The good pastor has accepted Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior. He can't go to Hell. And he can't sin.

Quote:
I think it's funny when men try to say who will be burned in hell and who will be saved. Isn't that supposed to be the Lord's decision? Are you so full of yourself that you really and honestly feel that you speak for God when he says that you say someone is damned?
Are you suggesting that God wants True Christians™ to share eternity with a bunch of shrieking, insufferable, nagging harpies? That makes zero sense.


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