[Brother V]

1 Chronicles 19-21

Today we get:

• The haircuts that started a war
• The annual war
• The numbering of Israel

1 Chronicles 19

1 Now it came to pass after this, that Nahash the king of the children of Ammon died, and his son reigned in his stead.

David, being the great guy that he is, sent some messengers to comfort the son. When they got there, some of Hanun's men thought the messengers were spies, so they humiliated them.

4 Wherefore Hanun took David's servants, and shaved them, and cut off their garments in the midst hard by their buttocks, and sent them away.

Remember, being bald is a curse (pretty much). People were mocked for being bald (think about Elisha). Baldness would be a blemish, so they would not be able to have the LORD's bread. Additionally, people aren't supposed to shave their heads, cut their beards or make cuttings in their flesh. Even today, having someone forcibly shave your head is an insult. Think back to Wrestlemania where Vince McMahon and Donald Trump had a "hair vs. hair" match, where the loser was disgraced by having his head shaved.

5 Then there went certain, and told David how the men were served. And he sent to meet them: for the men were greatly ashamed. And the king said, Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown, and then return.

David allowed the humiliated men time to regrow their hair before coming back to Jerusalem.

6 And when the children of Ammon saw that they had made themselves odious to David, Hanun and the children of Ammon sent a thousand talents of silver to hire them chariots and horsemen out of Mesopotamia, and out of Syriamaachah, and out of Zobah.

When they realized their error, they hired mercenaries. Remember a talent is roughly the weight of a person. So they hired people for the amount of silver equal to the weight of 1000 people.

8 And when David heard of it, he sent Joab, and all the host of the mighty men.

Joab is not listed in David's mighty warriors. He was David's top general. While he wasn't listed in THE THREE or even the 30, two of his brothers and his armour bearer were listed in the 30. So Joab may not have been all that mighty, but at least his armour bearer kicked some ass.

10 Now when Joab saw that the battle was set against him before and behind, he chose out of all the choice of Israel, and put them in array against the Syrians.

11 And the rest of the people he delivered unto the hand of Abishai his brother, and they set themselves in array against the children of Ammon.

So Joab kept the best for himself and gave the rest to Abishai. Remember Abishai was the leader of the group of people who went and got David some water from the well in Bethlehem. Now he's commanding the rest of the army against Ammon and the mercenaries.

14 So Joab and the people that were with him drew nigh before the Syrians unto the battle; and they fled before him.

15 And when the children of Ammon saw that the Syrians were fled, they likewise fled before Abishai his brother, and entered into the city. Then Joab came to Jerusalem.

Instead of fighting, the mercenaries just ran away.

David and the troops then pursued them all and killed most of them.

19 And when the servants of Hadarezer saw that they were put to the worse before Israel, they made peace with David, and became his servants: neither would the Syrians help the children of Ammon any more.


True peace can only come, when the loser becomes the servants of the winner and accept their roles as loser.

1 Chronicles 20

1 And it came to pass, that after the year was expired, at the time that kings go out to battle, Joab led forth the power of the army, and wasted the country of the children of Ammon, and came and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried at Jerusalem. And Joab smote Rabbah, and destroyed it.

Apparently not ALL the kings go out to battle; as David didn't quite make it to the annual foray.

2 And David took the crown of their king from off his head, and found it to weigh a talent of gold, and there were precious stones in it; and it was set upon David's head: and he brought also exceeding much spoil out of the city.

Holy crap. The crown was a talent of gold. Remember a talent is equal to a man's weight (about 110 pounds; people were smaller back then); so this guy waslked around with about 110 pounds of gold on his head; NOT COUNTING the weight of the jewels. How thick was that guy's neck?

Ok, just to do some fact checking; from Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary

Talent

of silver contained 3,000 shekels (Ex. 38:25, 26), and was equal to 94 3/7 lbs. avoirdupois. The Greek talent, however, as in the LXX., was only 82 1/4 lbs. It was in the form of a circular mass, as the Hebrew name _kikkar_ denotes. A talent of gold was double the weight of a talent of silver (2 Sam. 12:30). Parable of the talents (Matt. 18:24; 25:15).

So a talent of silver is about 95 pounds; but a talent of gold is twice that weight, so about 190 pounds!

This guys crown weighed anywhere between 95 and 190 pounds!

That the little dancing queen David was able to lift it up amazes me even more.

3 And he brought out the people that were in it, and cut them with saws, and with harrows of iron, and with axes. Even so dealt David with all the cities of the children of Ammon. And David and all the people returned to Jerusalem.

They didn't take prisoners. They cut them up. "I suppose that's your friend back there in the wood chipper?"

5 And there was war again with the Philistines; and Elhanan the son of Jair slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, whose spear staff was like a weaver's beam.

Remember David's 5 stones; one for Goliath, one for Lahmi, and two more for Orpah's other sons. So who was the fifth stone for?

6 And yet again there was war at Gath, where was a man of great stature, whose fingers and toes were four and twenty, six on each hand, and six on each foot and he also was the son of the giant.

So maybe the fifth stone was for Goliath's son.

1 Chronicles 21

1 And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.

Satan asks David to count the people of Israel...

2 Samuel 24:1 And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah.

... or maybe it was the LORD's idea. Everything happens because God wants it to, so therefore, the LORD allowed/made Satan talk to David. See folks, if you read the Bible (KJV1611) without looking for contradictions, you don't see any!

Well, David sent Joab out to count; he didn't want to go, but finally relented because, well, David is the king.

5 And Joab gave the sum of the number of the people unto David. And all they of Israel were a thousand thousand and an hundred thousand men that drew sword: and Judah was four hundred threescore and ten thousand men that drew sword.

There were a thousand thousand; that's a million. Joab counted 1,000,000 people.

6 But Levi and Benjamin counted he not among them: for the king's word was abominable to Joab.

The Levi's were scattered throughout each of the territories, so it was probably easier to just not count them. As to why he skipped the Benjaminites, he probably just lost count when he got to a million.

Anyway, the numbering pisses off God; so he sends his seer, Gad to ask David which of three punishments he should get.

1. 3 years famine
2. 3 months being killed by enemies
3. 3 days of pestilence from the angel of the LORD.

David took number 3, because he figured he should get his punishment directly from the LORD and not from man's hands.

14 So the LORD sent pestilence upon Israel: and there fell of Israel seventy thousand men.

They wouldn't have known it was 70,000 people if they didn't just get done counting. 70,000 out of a million is only 7%. While that seems like a high number, the Great Potatoe Famine of Ireland killed about 25% of the population.

15 And God sent an angel unto Jerusalem to destroy it: and as he was destroying, the LORD beheld, and he repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed, It is enough, stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD stood by the threshingfloor of Ornan the Jebusite.

God was doing evil. Take that modern christians that say that God can't do evil.

David winds up buying the threshingfloor of Ornan, and building an altar there.

26 And David built there an altar unto the LORD, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings, and called upon the LORD; and he answered him from heaven by fire upon the altar of burnt offering.

The angel then put his sword away, and David was still kind of scared, so he sacrificed sacrifices there.

So what have we learned today?

1. Hair for Hair wrestling matches have their basis in Old Testament Morality.
2. General Joab wasn't good enough to be in the 30, however, his armourbearer was.
3. If David would have sang and danced in front of Satan, he probably would have distracted the devil enough from his mission that he would have forgotten to ask him to number the people.

YIC
V