[Daniel]

I am a 16 year old man. I am looking to meet someone soon. She must be between the ages of 16-18 and know her way around the kitchen (and know how to cook rabbit casserole, my favorite). She must be Godly and have read the KJV 1611 Holy Bible at least four times (the more the better). She must actively attend Landover Baptist Church or a similar church in her area. Thank you all for setting this up.

Yours in Christ,

Brother Daniel

[Talitha]

Son, I'm sure you mean well, but as Unsaved Trash you haven't yet got a hope in Hell of getting yourself a True Christian™ young lady.

You've got to be quoting text from The Bible(KJV1611) like it's your first language, have yourself a good job so you can Tithe to the Church and you must have attended Bible-Gun Class at least 3 times before you reach 21.
We don't want any Lieberal false feel-good Christians sniffing around our young baby factories up-and-coming Women either. You have to prove yourself as a True Christian™ Soldier.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Sister Talitha

Son, I'm sure you mean well, but as Unsaved Trash you haven't yet got a hope in Hell of getting yourself a True Christian™ young lady.

You've got to be quoting text from The Bible(KJV1611) like it's your first language, have yourself a good job so you can Tithe to the Church and you must have attended Bible-Gun Class at least 3 times before you reach 21.
We don't want any Lieberal false feel-good Christians sniffing around our young baby factories up-and-coming Women either. You have to prove yourself as a True Christian™ Soldier.

I see. Thank you for the tips. Even though I am a True Christian, I see that I have to prove myself. Due to other matters I won't be back until Saturday or Monday. See you then.

[OnYourKnees]

Originally Posted by God's_Hacker

I see. Thank you for the tips. Even though I am a True Christian, I see that I have to prove myself. Due to other matters I won't be back until Saturday or Monday. See you then.

Hopefully, you'll be spending some time with Jesus, in your prayer closet?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by God's_Hacker

I see. Thank you for the tips. Even though I am a True Christian, I see that I have to prove myself. Due to other matters I won't be back until Saturday or Monday. See you then.

Son, you may aspire to become a True Christian™, as do so many, but that doesn't mean you are one. It says under your name that you are unsaved trash, and Jesus doesn't lie. Keep making your way through this Godly forum, reading and learning. Study the KJV1611 Bible from cover to cover, and be prepared to quote from it at length on any subject under the sun.

If and when Jesus decides to make you a True Christian™, you'll know it. Until that day comes (if it ever does), keep your nose in the Bible and out of trouble.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Son, you may aspire to become a True Christian™, as do so many, but that doesn't mean you are one. It says under your name that you are unsaved trash, and Jesus doesn't lie. Keep making your way through this Godly forum, reading and learning. Study the KJV1611 Bible from cover to cover, and be prepared to quote from it at length on any subject under the sun.

If and when Jesus decides to make you a True Christian™, you'll know it. Until that day comes (if it ever does), keep your nose in the Bible and out of trouble.

Well, what will it take for Jesus (and Landover) to recognize me as a True Christian? Whatever it is, whether it be a test, and exam, or an action of somekind, I will be willing to do it. Though I'm sure the only problem is that the DOF paperwork hasn't yet caught up with my status in the eyes of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Brother Daniel

[OnYourKnees]

Originally Posted by God's_Hacker

Well, what will it take for Jesus (and Landover) to recognize me as a True Christian? Whatever it is, whether it be a test, and exam, or an action of somekind, I will be willing to do it. Though I'm sure the only problem is that the DOF paperwork hasn't yet caught up with my status in the eyes of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Brother Daniel

Time and experience, Daniel. And patience.

One must first walk before one can run!

Also, you may wish to consider asking the Pastors to change your username to something which does not imply that you are engaging in felonious activity upon either God's or LBC's behalf. Some would find that a sticking point.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by OnYourKnees

Time and experience, Daniel. And patience.

One must first walk before one can run!

Also, you may wish to consider asking the Pastors to change your username to something which does not imply that you are engaging in felonious activity upon either God's or LBC's behalf. Some would find that a sticking point.

Good point Brother OYK. Thanks. Hmmm...now to think of another username...

[Poetic Peter]

re: user name


Consider, if in doubt about
that, to ask a poet for the truth.


Hello and welcome to Daniel!


Would it be OK for members to toss out rough ideas for you?


Like (I'll start and others will please add),

Heaven Diver to...?

Heaver Never

H3O

Heaven Five O

Heaven 9/11

Heaven Leavened

Sixteen Swat

Growth for God

HornUcopic

Salvation Sneaker

Brother Daniel

hth,

PP

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Poetic Peter

re: user name


Consider, if in doubt about
that, to ask a poet for the truth.


Hello and welcome to Daniel!


Would it be OK for members to toss out rough ideas for you?


Like (I'll start and others will please add),

Heaven Diver to...?

Heaver Never

H3O

Heaven Five O

Heaven 9/11

Heaven Leavened

Sixteen Swat

Growth for God

HornUcopic

Salvation Sneaker

Brother Daniel

hth,

PP

Thanks for the input Poetic Peter. I have already chosen the username Heaven-Diver but I think I'll reconsider. If it's not too much trouble I'd like to change again to simply "Brother_Daniel". Thanks again.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Originally Posted by Heaven-Diver

Thanks for the input Poetic Peter. I have already chosen the username Heaven-Diver but I think I'll reconsider. If it's not too much trouble I'd like to change again to simply "Brother_Daniel". Thanks again.

Are you sure you don't want to change it to "John Kerry"? I haven't seen this much flip-flopping since 2004.

[Poetic Peter]

Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria

Are you sure you don't want to change it to "John Kerry"? I haven't seen this much flip-flopping since 2004.

Ho ..ho ...ho ....shuddup!


The young man is serious.
I hoped he'd go for "Brother Daniel"; by suggesting so many other absurd possibilities,
Daniel finds that Daniel fits; true is better than false.

____



Welcome Brother Daniel!
May you add more honor to your name.



Kerry. Pah!

[Poetic Peter]

souvenir screenshot



in case the pastors allow for your proposed new name.

[OnYourKnees]

Originally Posted by Poetic Peter

souvenir screenshot



in case the pastors allow for your proposed new name.

That's some nice cropping there, Peter.

Look at the top line.

[Poetic Peter]

That's some nice cropping there, Peter.

Look at the top line.

nothing is not planned

(OYK, thanks for your smiles)

The burning question: does he yet deserve his desired name?


Pastors in a huddle.
Daniel in a muddle.
Dax the cat...oh noooo
just barfed another g-d puddle.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria

Are you sure you don't want to change it to "John Kerry"? I haven't seen this much flip-flopping since 2004.

Sorry about that but I think I've finally settled down with "Brother Daniel" Funny joke though.

[Daniel]

Here is the kind of woman I'm looking for. I mean just look at her.

[Enobarbus]

Originally Posted by Heaven-Diver

Here is the kind of woman I'm looking for. I mean just look at her.

Well, Daniel, this skinny young harlot that you have provided a picture of does seem to have sound political views -- if the inscription on her T-shirt can be relied on -- but is she really the sort of young woman that a pious young man would want to be seen with? Take some advice from an older and more experienced man, Daniel: I know a brazen young trollop when I see one, and that is a brazen young trollop.

I think that it is a little early for you to be considered a fully-fledged "brother", Daniel. Most have to put in a lot of time attending church, praying, fasting, and proving their worthiness before being considered True Christians™.

This is not to say that you don't show some good qualities and a change in title seems appropriate.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Enobarbus

Well, Daniel, this skinny young harlot that you have provided a picture of does seem to have sound political views -- if the inscription on her T-shirt can be relied on -- but is she really the sort of young woman that a pious young man would want to be seen with? Take some advice from an older and more experienced man, Daniel: I know a brazen young trollop when I see one, and that is a brazen young trollop.

I think that it is a little early for you to be considered a fully-fledged "brother", Daniel. Most have to put in a lot of time attending church, praying, fasting, and proving their worthiness before being considered True Christians™.

This is not to say that you don't show some good qualities and a change in title seems appropriate.

Thank you Enobarbus. I'll keep your advise in mind.

[Poetic Peter]

Congratulations, young man; you received your desired name.
You're all ready now for adventures in a new, exciting place.







Daniel in the den of Lines