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Default Lord I ask but one thing - 11-06-2020, 12:41 AM

Oh sweet Lord Jesus. You know I ain't normally the praying type. Not cause I don't believe in you, simply on account of I'm the type of man that likes to get things done with his own two hands. All my life I done this. Everything I got I earned with the sweat off my back and of course with your holy grace. Now I have but one thing to ask of you.

As I sit in this motel in Memphis, surrounded by my beautiful babies, my shining tools of righteousness, I raise up my voice in humble beseechment.

Lord, please reveal the location of Jerry Lee Lewis.

I've read the star maps and he ain't there. I ask around and get nothing but dirty looks. These millennial faggots don't even know the name... that or they think I mean Jerry Lewis, the comedian who debased himself raising money for cripples. That is not the man whom I seek, for that man is three years dead. Three years dead, three years in Hell. Three years served out of a sentence of Eternity. Jerry Lewis has been dealt with. Jerry Lee has not.

I got to know where he is. For 85 years -- that's 50 more than our sweet savior lived among us -- this cocksucker has been breathing air that he's got no right to breathe. Walking on soil he ought to be buried under. It ain't right and it's high time something was done about it.

In the Year of Our Lord 1958, at the age of 22 he married and did shoot his seed into Myra Gale Brown. A pretty lass of 13, yes 13 years old he rendered unclean and unfit to harbor spawn nor the prick of any good man. And that ain't the worst of it. Lord, if only that were the worst. No. Myra was the daughter of one JW Brown, who was Jerry's own first cousin. Making her his first cousin once removed.

Jerry Lee Lewis is an incestuous pedophile and a stain on the Earth.

Four days ago, the Lord revealed to me that I am his instrument of correction. I was watching on Youtube an episode of the Grand Ole Opry from 1973 in which Mr. Lewis did appear. His performance was awash in crudity and brought disgrace to that hallowed venue of Country Music. In my outrage I flung a cup of coffee at the computer, causing it to freeze and blazon the screen with the permanent image of a sneering Jerry Lee and his young bride. The fear in her eyes was stark. Fear of his clammy hands on her skin, his booze-soaked breath polluting her lungs. Fear of his cock. I felt such disgust in that moment, I would have done anything to remove the image from my screen.

Yet I could not.

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I pushed every key, but it didn't go away. I turned it off. I even unplugged it. Nothing. He looked straight at me and he smirked, as if in a dare.

I produced a .38 special and shot a bullet through the monitor. Right where his head was.

It went black.

And in that moment I knew what had to be done and that I was the man chosen to do it.

Therefore I do pray to you, oh blessed Lord, as I lay my forehead down on the floor of my room at the Quick-Stay Motel in Memphis with my full arsenal arrayed in cruciform about me.

Just tell me where to find that piece of shit.

I promise I won't let you down.

Amen.



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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-06-2020, 03:10 AM

Wasn't Jerry Lee once arrested for trying to kill Elvis? It would be quite fitting, poetic justice even, if a fellow musician (and a far more talented one!) ushered him to the Lake of Fire.

I'm joining you in prayer.


16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
1 Thess 4:16-17
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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-06-2020, 03:25 AM

I don't understand. Did he do something un-Biblical that you forgot to mention?


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-06-2020, 10:16 PM

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Originally Posted by Roper Crossburn View Post
Lord, please reveal the location of Jerry Lee Lewis.
Have you tried asking Jimmy Swaggart? He's Jerry Lee's cousin, and he's as close to the Lord as any TV preacher is.


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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-07-2020, 12:23 AM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Have you tried asking Jimmy Swaggart? He's Jerry Lee's cousin, and he's as close to the Lord as any TV preacher is.
Jimmy won't talk to me. Back in the 80s he tried to hire me to beat up the Gorman boys after they spied on him and caught him with that whore. I refused unless he could prove to me that he wasn't piffleing her, just teaching to her to read the Bible like he claimed. Well he couldn't prove nothing so I told him we were through and if I ever saw him again I'd throw a brick at him.

I got to say, I regret that now. But what can we do about the past? It's called the past for a reason. It's over and done.

Now it just occurred to me that Mickey Gilley is their cousin too. Me and Mick haven't spoke in years but we always were on good terms as I do recall. If I can't scare up his number I may have to ask one of you good folks to reach out to him on the Twitter. They banned me a few years back for saying I didn't like rap "music" and for calling rappers a certain word that happens to be their most favorite thing to call each other. Rules for me, but not for thee. That's how it is when you're a white man in America. God help us all.



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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-07-2020, 02:07 AM

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Originally Posted by Roper Crossburn View Post
Rules for me, but not for thee. That's how it is when you're a white man in America. God help us all.
With far-left radical socialist Joe Biden in the White House, we're about to be treated worse than the Jews would have been in Nazi Germany if the Holocaust had happened (which it didn't). All Lives Matter will be officially outlawed so that only Black Lives Matter. He'll grab all our guns and then defund the police stations so we have no means to defend ourselves when the black hordes descend upon us to seize their reparations by force.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-07-2020, 02:53 AM

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Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
I don't understand. Did he do something un-Biblical that you forgot to mention?
Thank you for making this point, Brother Lukes. That was my first thought as well.

There is no age requirement in the Bible for a young woman to marry. Jacob labored for seven years before he was permitted to marry either of Laban's daughters. One can only assume that the girls were at least 11 or 12 when Jacob first asked about the possibility of marriage.

It's also doubtful that they were much older, because Laban wasn't so foolish as to let a twenty year old daughter sit around unmarried for the better part of a decade. It's also worth noting that Jacob and his first two wives were first cousins.

Jacob's father, Isaac, was married to his first cousin once removed and his father, Abraham, was married to his half-sister.

And don't let anybody fool you into thinking that God blessed Abraham one day and then changed His mind and forbade the same sort of marriage a few generations later when He told Moses what to write in Leviticus.

Tamar told her half-brother, Amnon, to cool his jets about having sex right there in his royal bedchamber by reminding him that if he asked their father, David, for her hand in marriage, he wouldn't be refused. (2 Samuel 13)

Of course, the fact that he didn't cool his jets and Tamar got raped is Tamar's fault for not crying out. But that is another Bible lesson for another time.

What matters here is that marriage between cousins is not only never forbidden in the Bible, it actually happens a lot. When everything is said and done, it is a smart way to keep a girl's bride price in the family.


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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-15-2020, 04:46 AM

I suppose you all are right. He's an old man and God will sort him out soon enough. If he didn't violate the Bible then it ain't on me to arrange that meeting.

Funny thing is, I did find the fellow. For $45 you can take a tour of his ranch, which I did, and who should I run into but Jerry Lee himself. He recognized me first. Turns out we played on the same stage back in the eighties before I was saved. Truth be told I have only sparing memories of those dark years of drinking, drugging, fighting, and whoring. Well, he remembers. Quite fondly as it turns out.

Long story short, we had ourselves a fine chat and he's heading on down to the studio next month to lay down some backing vocals on my new record. At some point in the future I'll be returning the favor. The Lord works in mysterious ways, don't he?

Security never even noticed my gun.



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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-15-2020, 03:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roper Crossburn View Post
Long story short, we had ourselves a fine chat and he's heading on down to the studio next month to lay down some backing vocals on my new record. At some point in the future I'll be returning the favor. The Lord works in mysterious ways, don't he?

Security never even noticed my gun.
We need a little verification here. What famous cousins are from the small town of Ferriday, LA?


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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-15-2020, 07:19 PM

What are you trying to insinuate? I know damn well who they are.



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Default Re: Lord I ask but one thing - 11-15-2020, 09:41 PM

I'm glad things worked out. I hope Jerry Lee has found the Lord and redeemed himself through the sweet smell of the blood of Jesus. Though I am a little worried that he's trying to associate with you because of your far superior musical gifts, Mr. Crossburn. Nobody else can belt out a tune like you do.


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