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Default Is your little boy going gay? - 09-16-2006, 02:31 PM
Handy Homo Prevention Tips For Concerned Parents With Suspect Toddlers

A parent can never act too soon in taking precautionary measures to ensure that their child will never become intoxicated with mommy's perfume and choose to devote his life to being a prancing homo. By being both proactive and willing to inflict welts for Jesus, you can beat Satan at his own sick game and prevent him from turning your impressionable child into an ugly, rotting twig in the family tree crying out for brutal pruning.

Christian Doctors at Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward have put together a handy list of preventative tips for concerned parents with newborns or toddlers. Please print out these Godly reminders and pop them in your purse the moment your water breaks for handy reference.

Early Child Development Homo Prevention Tips

1. A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement. Standing straight up, not hunched over while urinating, is a sign of manliness. Squatting on a toilet seat (especially if he hovers to avoid the urine of others or prissily wipes the seat with a square of toilet tissue) to pee is not only effeminate but a sign of shame! It is a secret hobby that homosexuals use in their daily lives. It is a scientific fact that when needing to use the restroom, a male is called upon to engage in the unpleasant undertaking of extruding a poopy in only 1 out of every 3 visits. But homosexuals use all three visits to practice squatting, to limber the cheeks of their bottom in preparation for even the most enormous (Negro) penises. Such calisthenics are neither necessary nor advisable for men who have no intention of squatting over an engorged penis. As soon as your child is able to walk on two feet, you must make that sure he is taught to stand proudly in front of a private or public toilet seat, and to speak not a word, especially in response to the coy whispers of Catholic priests in the next stall.

2. A boy must eat everything on his plate. But if your son pesters you to serve corn on the cob, hot dogs or sausages, that is your signal to change his diet. Try serving meals that more effectively evoke a hankering for the fragrant delights of the female genitalia. An artichoke stuffed with tuna fish will usually do the trick.

3. A boy must always wear socks, except while swimming. So-called, "flip-flops" and "sandals," where the toes and ankles are exposed are products that were created during the (homo)sexual revolution. Creation research indicates that these types of provocative "shoes," were invented by homosexuals in San Fransissyco during the late 1960's with fetishes for little boy ankles. Thwart the perverted delight of these pedo-pedophiles with a thick pair of tube socks!

4. A boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind. He should spend Saturday mornings sitting quietly by his Father's side (with a respectful 3" between the male bodies), watching sports that don't involved male leotards. He must watch Football, Basketball, Baseball and Boxing. Soccer is not a sport for civilized people and often results in alarmingly long, uncut penises escaping from very alluring satin shorts. Soccer appeals only to poor, uneducated halflings from underdeveloped countries where the women grow mustaches twice as fast as the men. Make your child aware of this. When there are no sports on TV, take your boy out in the backyard and throw the football or play catch with a very hard baseball. Under no circumstances: wrestle in shorts, especially if your son is strapping, handsome and sporting a noticeably turgid crotch.

5. A boy must not play with dolls. If your boy has a young sister, forbid him from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household. If you catch your male child playing with dolls, Landover Baptist Child Psychologists recommended that you shave his head, and sit him out at the end of the driveway with a sign around his neck that says, "I'm a Sissy Boy Who Plays With Dolls – Mailman: Why don't you just go ahead and stick something in my mouth?." This method of prevention has a 99.5% success rate (unless your particular mailman is young and attractive).

6. A boy must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy." As soon as your boy is old enough to speak, he must be taught to call his Mother, "Ma," or "Momma" or "Mommie Dearest." When addressing his Father, he should refer to him as, "Sir," "Dad," or "Commander." "Mommy" and "Daddy" are what fey, spoiled boys weaned on effeminacy coo, embarrassing you in front of the neighbors by never keeping the palms of their hands below their waists.

7. A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two.

8. A boy must never cry or pout. Crying, pouting or showing feelings are weak and feminine traits. After the natural tears of infancy, brought on by a child's traumatic exit from the spiritual realm of Heaven, to the horrible shock every young man experiences in seeing his very own mother's hairy, dilated vagina, and into this Devil run world we call, "Earth," your boy must be taught to stop crying. It usually takes a normal child several weeks to get over its birth – even when using daily submersions into ice-water.If your child is still crying after three weeks, please drop him off at the Creation Science Laboratory for the remainder of the year and for a determination of whether he is worth having back.

9. A boy must not use brightly colored crayons or any crayons from any colors of a rainbow. Christian parents should remove and destroy any suspiciously colored crayons from their boy's box of Crayolas. This needs no explanation, as we here at Landover Baptist are all familiar with Mr. Crayola's so-called "alternate lifestyle," and his reason for putting "Pansy Pink" and "Engorged Penis Head Purple" into his boxes are quite obvious. A boy must also draw in straight lines. Some curves are fine, but if you suspect your child of "doodling," and see that he is using more curves than straight lines, please call your Pastor immediately.

10. A boy must not skip or prance. You must not allow your boy to attend any school where they teach the children to "skip," or play "hopscotch" in Physical Education class. Creation Scientists have proved that such activities are the precursor to cross-dressing, appreciation for poetry, a sardonic display of irony and the rampant shoplifting of skin care products.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default A Matter of Discipline - 09-16-2006, 07:37 PM
I can't imagine any sane parent not giving his little Johnny a good hard swat with their favorite Christian Corporal punishment device. Spank them until they're straight is what my daddy Remington always said. Please refer to this excellent source of advice on Jesus approved punishment: http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showp...33&postcount=1

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Default 09-17-2006, 02:33 PM
Dear Friends,

Excellent advice. I can only add that where sound Christian parenting does not drive the pink-tinged demon from your boy, as a man he must consider making the ultimate sac-rifice. It's the one sure-fire way of de-gay-ifying oneself, and returning once more to the straight and narrow path.

Yours in Him,
BAB
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:05 PM
Quote:
If your boy has a young sister, forbid him from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household.
Can you say incest?
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Saria View Post
Can you say incest?
Why do you sinners take something innocent and then apply your own sick fantasies to it?
Do you feel the need to justify your own acts of incest by somehow insinuating that any True Christian would engage in such?


I understand that it must have been hurtful for you to be sodomised by your own father while you were growing up, but don't take it out on us!
Because we are not responsible for it.

If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
Can you say incest?
Would you rather your child go gay and become a limp wristed, wine sipping HOMER??? God hates homers, you homer, but He could careless about sister humpers. This also gives your daughter a chance to start learning about her roll in life under Jesus; tending to men's needs buy being a convent orifice for her brother. If you spent more time wrestling with your sister and less time polluting yourself over He-Man comics you wouldn't be the pathetic excuse for a man you are Saria.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default 09-18-2006, 01:07 AM
Why not let him cry if he is upset?! This doesn't make him a sissy! Its good to be soft sometimes!
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Default 09-18-2006, 02:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Would you rather your child go gay and become a limp wristed, wine sipping HOMER??? God hates homers, you homer, but He could careless about sister humpers. This also gives your daughter a chance to start learning about her roll in life under Jesus; tending to men's needs buy being a convent orifice for her brother. If you spent more time wrestling with your sister and less time polluting yourself over He-Man comics you wouldn't be the pathetic excuse for a man you are Saria.
Look you ****ing whore, I am having a mental breakdown right now and the last thing that I need is for some god damned actor shoving this shit down my throat. I don't ****ing have a daughter, sister, anything. And I DON'T READ ****ING HE-MAN COMICS YOU DILLUTED WHORE. I can accept a ****ing p*****, but this is ridiculous, I mean, you're supporting incest? And for the record, yes, I would rather have a homosexual child than a molesting fat-ass

And I am honestly sorry for this post, but I am seriously having mental issues and am really not in the mood for this
Last edited by Saria; 09-18-2006 at 02:42 AM.
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 10-08-2006, 06:24 PM
Thank GOD your ministry exists to show the world that FOOLS and HYPOCRITES exist. Please continue your wonderful crusade to reveal the POPE as the antichrist. Bless you all.
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 11-05-2006, 10:14 PM
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE ****ING PISSING ME THE HELL OF A CHILSD DOESNT ****ING COHOSE TO BE GAY ALRIGHT THERE BORN THT WAY OK SO ITD LIKE..... O HES GAY LETS BURN HIM AND SEND HIM UP TO THE GODS TO FINISH HIM OK WTF SHIT IS THT.~!!! UR TURNING INTO A MUSLIM WAIT A MINUTE IM NOT SURE WHAT THE HELL NVM LO LLOLO LOLO DICK ****ERS!!!
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 11-05-2006, 10:38 PM
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YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE ****ING PISSING ME THE HELL OF A CHILSD DOESNT ****ING COHOSE TO BE GAY ALRIGHT THERE BORN THT WAY OK SO ITD LIKE..... O HES GAY LETS BURN HIM AND SEND HIM UP TO THE GODS TO FINISH HIM OK WTF SHIT IS THT.~!!! UR TURNING INTO A MUSLIM WAIT A MINUTE IM NOT SURE WHAT THE HELL NVM LO LLOLO LOLO DICK ****ERS!!!
This fellow's parents obviously failed to follow decent Christian homo prevention techniques, and look what they ended up with: a demon-possessed loon. Parents! This could be your child one day, if you do not fear the Lord and walk in His ways.

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 11-05-2006, 11:15 PM
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Originally Posted by adiaa View Post
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE ****ING PISSING ME THE HELL OF A CHILSD DOESNT ****ING COHOSE TO BE GAY ALRIGHT THERE BORN THT WAY OK SO ITD LIKE..... O HES GAY LETS BURN HIM AND SEND HIM UP TO THE GODS TO FINISH HIM OK WTF SHIT IS THT.~!!! UR TURNING INTO A MUSLIM WAIT A MINUTE IM NOT SURE WHAT THE HELL NVM LO LLOLO LOLO DICK ****ERS!!!
I am shocked that someone would dare to leave a message like this on God's favorite forum. And on a Sunday too! I have assigned the following warning points to your account:

10 Warning points for failing to capitalize properly on God's favorite forum.
10 Warning points for using the word P word, the D word, the S word and for the **** words you implied.
10 Warning points for not agreeing with us.
10 Warning points for no reason at all.

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eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 11-06-2006, 02:32 PM
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Originally Posted by adiaa View Post
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE ****ING PISSING ME THE HELL OF A CHILSD DOESNT ****ING COHOSE TO BE GAY ALRIGHT THERE BORN THT WAY OK SO ITD LIKE..... O HES GAY LETS BURN HIM AND SEND HIM UP TO THE GODS TO FINISH HIM OK WTF SHIT IS THT.~!!! UR TURNING INTO A MUSLIM WAIT A MINUTE IM NOT SURE WHAT THE HELL NVM LO LLOLO LOLO DICK ****ERS!!!
This is why we have started the Landover Baptist™ True Christian™ Bootcamp For Christ©!
If you even think your kid is going gay, sign up today!

Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 11-12-2006, 02:18 AM
Praise the Lord!!

Finally som sound advice and guidance for Christian Parents! It's about time somebody points all this out. All this should be very useful to any Christian Parent today because there be lots of devils everwhere in the world today sayin things to the contray bout raise kids.

Praise the Lord!! And thanks for all this advise and guidance that I know was inspired by the Spirit of the Lord Jesus in these dark times of Tribulation in this world.
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 12-10-2006, 03:14 AM
I really wish that I had found this web-site when my "son" was younger so that I would have known that he was going to choose to become a homo-sexual. That way my wife and me could have convinced him to become a real boy and failing that, sold him, or may be put a pillow on his face and sat on the pillow.
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greekqueer greekqueer is offline
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greekqueer is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.greekqueer is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 03-21-2009, 01:45 AM
what the issue with the gays they are no deferent then anyone else
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 03-21-2009, 02:06 AM
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Originally Posted by greek5 View Post
what the issue with the gays they are no deferent then anyone else
Nice. Some queer wanders in, digs up a three year old thread, and then butchers God's Favorite Language™ and misspells his way through an idiotic response.

Welcome to the forum you stupid foreign sodomite!



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greekqueer greekqueer is offline
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 03-21-2009, 02:11 AM
screw you just want to ask about it can someone answer me
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Nobar King Nobar King is offline
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Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 03-21-2009, 02:13 AM
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screw you just want to ask about it can someone answer me
Threatening Brother Aaron's purity is a criminal offense!

Why do you think the members of a church forum would have anything against homosexuality?

May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Is your little boy going gay? - 03-21-2009, 02:28 AM
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Originally Posted by greek5 View Post
screw you just want to ask about it can someone answer me
I am a True Christian™ man, the only "screwing" I will be doing will happen when I find myself a True Christian™ wife, so I'll have to decline your offer Mr. Homo.

Where are you from? English cannot be your first language. Which Godless foreign hellhole do you call home?

And God DOES hate fags, it's in His autobiography, also know as the KJV 1611 Bible!



Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!
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