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Default Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-20-2015, 11:55 PM

Freehold Firearms, at the corner of Exodus and Seventh in Freehold, Iowa, is proud to sponsor one of the most ambitious True Christian scientheistic experiments ever conceived!

Penicillin vs. Prayer

"But what is penicillin," you may ask. "It sounds perverted."

Well, it is!

Penicillin is a medicine used to treat and cure bacterial infections. It is used in the treatment of everything from syphilis to bubonic plague.

Of course, True Christians know that these things, like all maladies, are judgments from GOD meted out to unrepentant sinners.

The only true cure for any disease is prayer and faith. But just try telling that to an unsaved world blinded by the wiles of science! They won't believe anything you tell them without "evidence."

The Plan:

Landover Baptist University, in association with Freehold Firearms, is seeking volunteers to be infected with streptococcus from Mrs. Johnson's 11 year-old son, who will lick a spoon that you will then be asked to keep in your mouth for about five minutes.

Once you are diagnosed by a secular doctor with strepthroat, you will then be taken back to LBC University and be assigned to either group A or group B.

One of those groups will be given penicillin to treat their infection. The other will be prayed for regularly by the True Christians of Landover Baptist Church whilst receiving a placebo pill. (We have prayed fervently with the pastors of Landover, and it has been determined that it is not technically lying in the Biblical sense to tell this group that they're receiving penicillin when they are in fact being given sugar.)

Over the course of ten days, the progress of both groups will be closely monitored by True Christian scientheists and it should come as no surprise to them when they inevitably discover that the group being prayed for recovers much more rapidly from their infection than the group being given an evil potion with a name that sounds too much like "penis" to have been an accident.

If you are interested in making medical history and proving JESUS to the world, please come into Freehold Firearms and sign up to be in the experiment!



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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-21-2015, 02:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
Freehold Firearms, at the corner of Exodus and Seventh in Freehold, Iowa, is proud to sponsor one of the most ambitious True Christian scientheistic experiments ever conceived!

Penicillin vs. Prayer

One of those groups will be given penicillin to treat their infection. The other will be prayed for regularly by the True Christians of Landover Baptist Church whilst receiving a placebo pill.

If you are interested in making medical history and proving JESUS to the world, please come into Freehold Firearms and sign up to be in the experiment!
This is really exciting. All these years we thought the only way to treat science was to laugh at it. With this brilliant approach, we can prove scientifically that prayer heals and Penicillin does not.

I think a lot people will want to volunteer. How could a person please Jesus more than to prove wrong the imposters in the scientific community?

Volunteers should remember the prayers we True Christians™ send up to Jesus have a power that remains unmatched by any other so called Christian group.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-21-2015, 03:59 PM

What a great experiment I'm so excited at the opportunity to be part of the experiment that will do away with secular medicine for good, I'd love to help out! Please reserve a spot for me in the prayer group.


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And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.
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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-22-2015, 06:23 AM

If this occurs after I give birth and am clean again, I'd be happy to join! Please count me in; my husband has given me permission to do so.


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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-22-2015, 08:49 AM

Would it be possible for you to send an infected spoon overseas?

I would happily travel to Freehold to assist in your Godly experiment, but I am not yet a True Christian and I wouldn't want people looking at me and pointing.

You could put 10 days worth of pills in the package, I don't mind if they're penicillin or placebo, although I sure could do with folks praying for me.

Perhaps if I took part in this experiment - the result of which is a foregone conclusion, in my opinion - it will help me along the road to ultimate salvation.



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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-23-2015, 05:41 AM

I volunteer to contract the gonorrhea for Team Jesus...where do I sign up, and what do I need to lick?
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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-23-2015, 06:16 AM

I've signed up my daughter. Her insolence and attention whoring with this self-cutting is getting unbearable. It would be good for her to do something decent and helpful for once. Please remind me when you need volunteers. I'll tell her about it on the way.


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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-23-2015, 02:41 PM

How about having Brother Bobby and the boys go to downtown and round up some hobos? No one will know they are missing and they will get free health care!

GLORY!




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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-23-2015, 06:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
How about having Brother Bobby and the boys go to downtown and round up some hobos? No one will know they are missing and they will get free health care!

GLORY!
Oh Sister Daisy, you are so generous and charitable! "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7


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Default Re: Penicillin vs. Prayer: Volunteers Needed! - 06-23-2015, 06:13 PM

Brother Bob Fore, I am opposed to giving penisilin to anyone, even in the name of science and Jesus. It is my understanding that this elicit chemical is extracted from the penis of a living man (other than Jesus).


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