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The Prophet of Profit, Now Giving Financial Advice to Jesus in Heaven
True Christian™
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Posts: 803
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: In Heaven with Jesus
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Chink New Year -
01-31-2014, 11:18 AM
Hello fellow True Christians! I know that I haven't checked in for awhile, but I've been very busy over here in Hong Kong due to the run-up to the Chinese New Year, which is today. The Chinks got this strange calendar which they brought with them from whatever planet they came from, so their New Year is at least a month after the Godly Christian one, but the exact date changes every year - go figure.
I understand that most of you rely on Fox News to keep informed, and since Fox never covers foreign news - except when the USA is bombing some pissant country back to the Stone Age - I realize that you might not even be aware of what's going on over here on the gook-occupied side of the world. Maybe you don't care either - and not that I'd blame you - except that these slant-eyed aliens keep multiplying and spreading, taking over whole neighborhoods in America. There are Chinktowns in big cities like San Francisco and New York, and even out in Flyoverland a Chink restaurant is never far away.
To make matters worse, the Chinks got all the money. As ya'll have no doubt noticed, everything at Wal-Mart is Made in China. Even worse, the Chink government is pressuring my company to raise wages, improve worker safety and clean up pollution in their country. I'm as outraged about this as the rest of you are - such extortion would be good enough reason to "liberate" China with our awesome military, except that now all our military hardware and ammo is made in Chinkland too. But I assure you that my company has a plan - we're working hard to return all dangerous and polluting factory jobs to American inmates at our privatized prisons in Texas. Unfortunately, it's a slow process, and in the meantime all we can do is lure Chink tourists to my company's casinos in Las Vegas to win back some of the money they stole from American workers.
Anyway, in keeping with the holiday spirit and in the interests of diversity, I just thought I'd share some of my worldly knowledge about the Chink New Year. You see, I've been living in Hong Kong for over 20 years now in order to look after my company's factories in China, and thus I've become a bit of an expert in Chink culture.
So let's start our cultural tour! To begin with, they got signs plastered all over Hong Kong right now with Chinese characters and the Romanized Cantonese words Gong Hey Fat Choy. I don't know what that means - the only Chink words I've learned in 20 years are chow mein, chop suey and egg rolls, but anyway it's got something to do with the New Year. Also, they got these men running around in yellow costumes with dragon thingies - if you ask me, it looks very homo.
Chink Gay Pride Festival (note the dragon's tongue stud)
Another custom - one which I find particularly disturbing - is that the job creators like me are expected to give all the employees bonuses. That's right, not just CEO bonuses which are richly deserved, but even bonuses to lowly factory workers, including children! But hey, we gotta be culturally sensitive, so we go ahead and pay the bonuses - an extra heaping portion of meat for all our workers.
New Year's Bonus - All you can eat!
Any leftovers are frozen and shipped off to our subsidiary in the USA that supplies school lunches under contract to the US Department of Education.
During the Chink New Year, you are also expected to show your generosity by helping the needy. Now of course, I don't want to encourage panhandling, but my company's marketing department just recently came up with a brilliant program to help starving beggars earn extra cash. As you may be aware, some company's will pay for "product placement ads" where they slip their company's product or logo into a photo that is not actually a direct advertisement. For example, Coca-Cola might pay for a movie to have all the actors drinking Coke. Taking a cue from Hollywood, we've instituted a pilot program with Hong Kong's begging community, and so far I'm pleased with the results.
Product placement advertising
Finger-licking good!
In return for the product placement ads, participating beggars get first crack at picking through the garbage dumpsters - there's almost always some good cans and bottles in there!
Just one more example of how Uranus is a caring, sharing company and a good global citizen.
Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred
CEO, The Uranus Corporation
Put your faith in Uranus!
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: Chink New Year -
01-31-2014, 01:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Market Fred
the Chinese New Year, which is today
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Those Chinastanians sure are slow. There are advantages to their calendars being behind though. McDonalds sells all their expired products there making a nice profit for America. And those people there don't even notice because those products are not yet expired according to their local calendar!
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Chink New Year -
01-31-2014, 01:37 PM
That's so retarded, celebrating New Year's Day a month late. When do they celebrate the 4th of July, in August?
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Chink New Year -
01-31-2014, 02:06 PM
The slants can't get anything right, trust me.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 285
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Islamic Caliphate of Germany
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-01-2014, 01:24 AM
A lot of evil superstition is involved in this "chinese new year"-nonsense Every "chinese year" they chose an animal to worship, be it a rat or a cockroach. Now in 2014 we enter the year of the "Wood Horse". Why don't the chinks chose the "golden calv" right away?
God hates all kinds of chinese idolatry and anyone who celebrates chinese new year will be cast into the lake of fire (Revelation 20:11-15) Hell will be full of idol worshipping chinks.
And Moses returned unto the Lord, and said, Oh, this people have sinned a great sin, and have made them gods of gold. - Exodus 32:31
And ye have seen their abominations, and their idols, wood and stone, silver and gold, which were among them. - Deuteronomy 29:17
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. - John 14:6
Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division - Luke 12:51
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Descended from Rapes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,548
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-01-2014, 02:49 AM
This seems like more of Obama giving more special privileges to minorities. It's not enough that the chinks get the regular new year, they get an extra one a month later. How come white people don't get any extra holidays just for white people? We should celebrate white people new year in Freehold.
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 2
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Godless Florida, Holy USA
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-01-2014, 03:23 AM
When will they realize that there is only one true calendar? These Chinese are sinners condemnable by DEATH for astrology! Deuteronomy 4:19; 17:3-7; Isaiah 47:13,14; Acts 7:42; Ezekiel 8:16
So you see, it's only a matter of time before they burn and die in Hell for astrology.
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The Prophet of Profit, Now Giving Financial Advice to Jesus in Heaven
True Christian™
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Posts: 803
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: In Heaven with Jesus
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-06-2016, 07:32 AM
Another Chink New Year's eve tomorrow night. They just can't seem to make up their minds on the date - sometimes it's in January, sometimes in February. I guess with their squinty eyes they have trouble reading calendars.
Anyway, this year the Lord wisely intervened and sent an earthquake to Taiwan early this morning.
Just in case you didn't know, Taiwan is also a Chink society. Just like Japan, where a mere five hours before the Lord destroyed Taiwan, he sent a volcanic eruption.
And this all happened on February 6, which is Godly Ronald Reagan's birthday. Coincidence?
Obviously the Lord is trying to send a message - He doesn't like Chinks. Especially since my company took losses in the Chinese real estate market last month and their commie government refused to bail us out. But the Lord works in mysterious ways - He convinced the US Congress to authorize the Federal Reserve bail us out, by writing special secret legislation which was buried inside a bill declaring February 29 to be National Apple Pie Day.
If they didn't have such good cheap factory prison labor, my company would gladly sever its links with Chinese suppliers. Fortunately, our privatized prisons in Texas are becoming competitive. I look forward to the day when everything on the shelves in Wal-Mart will proudly say "Made in USA."
The enemy within
Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred
CEO, The Uranus Corporation
Put your faith in Uranus!
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-06-2016, 08:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Market Fred
Just in case you didn't know, Taiwan is also a Chink society.
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I didn't know that, but then again I couldn't care less. China, Vietnam, Korea, Chile, Taiwan, Japan it's all different names for the same God hating, small eyed, smelly, lazy, job stealing chinks. They confuse matters by making up all these vague names and nonsense new years while in the meantime they are testing H-Bombs and long distance rockets to attack our Godly America. I cannot wait for Sarah Palin to become our vice president so she can make sure every chink on the planet gets nuked. We never should have stopped after those 2 first nukes.
Isaiah 1:7 - King James Version (KJV)
“ Your country is desolate, your cities are burned with fire: your land, strangers devour it in your presence, and it is desolate, as overthrown by strangers.”
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-06-2016, 03:17 PM
Chinamen have made clear in years past that they enjoy shooting at Americans in celebration of their heathen holiday. This very day, the North Korean Chinamen are loading up a space rocket that they plan to shoot off soon. They say this rocket can reach America with one of their shiny, new hydrogen bombs. It is quite obvious that these wretches plan to celebrate their new year by shooting at Americans again. Enough is enough! I believe that we should celebrate their new year by utterly destroying every Chinaman on Earth. We are possessed of a magnificent supply of atomic bombs that are stored in barns and guarded while they are being covered with dust and becoming obsolete. It is time to use them while we still can.
Even the Lord is angry with these wretches. He has sent a volcano and an earthquake just this weekend. The Lord helps those who help themselves. Let us smite them.
That is my opinion.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-06-2016, 04:41 PM
I saw a picture of 800 million people waiting for a train that was late. That's what happens when you only get one week off per year, and everyone gets the SAME WEEK off!
Ha!
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Founder, Operation Rescue, Now in Heaven with Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 912
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: In Heaven with Jesus
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-07-2016, 08:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
I didn't know that, but then again I couldn't care less. China, Vietnam, Korea, Chile, Taiwan, Japan it's all different names for the same God hating, small eyed, smelly, lazy, job stealing chinks. They confuse matters by making up all these vague names and nonsense new years while in the meantime they are testing H-Bombs and long distance rockets to attack our Godly America. I cannot wait for Sarah Palin to become our vice president so she can make sure every chink on the planet gets nuked. We never should have stopped after those 2 first nukes.
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You couldn't be more right, Brother Cranky. All Chinamen look alike, obviously the result of inbreeding. The only difference between the Jap, Korean and VietCong chinks is the food style. The Jap Chinks eat seaweed, the Koreans eat dog and the Viets eat snakes. One of my roommates at the mental asylum told me the Chinks would sneak around at night raiding garbage dumpsters at the abortion clinics to find fetuses, one of the main ingredients in "sushi." I'm absolutely sure he was right, though sorry I can't remember his name - the thorazine kind of fogs my memory sometimes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
I saw a picture of 800 million people waiting for a train that was late. That's what happens when you only get one week off per year, and everyone gets the SAME WEEK off!
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I saw that picture too, Brother Nobar. But I think you got the number wrong - there's at least 800 BILLION of them Chinks. That's because they fornicate like fruit flies - I watched enough of them Jap schoolgirl-slut movies to know that.
Brother Fred - The reason why the Chink New Year date keeps changing is because they use an alien calendar based on astrology and witchcraft. You ever seen them kung-fu movies where they fly through the air before chopping someone's head off? No human being could do that - only a witch or a Martian has that kind of ability. I rest my case.
So really, we gotta nuke Chinaland now, before it's too late. Once the Chinks get the Bomb, their sleeper cells operating out of Panda Express are gonna launch a sneak attack, and we'll get no warning.
Remember Pearl Harbor!
yours in Christ,
Brother Buford
The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.
- Rush Limbaugh
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 871
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-07-2016, 11:40 AM
The Japs don't just get the New Year's Eve date wrong (and how hard could that be?!), they even have the wrong year, they think this year is 4714, or next year to them. Utterly preposterous and ridiculous: anyone counting the generations from Noah to Christ's birth, and adding His age (2016 years obviously) knows that the flood occurred around 4600 years ago, they can't have been counting for 4714 years, because even if there were chinks back then, they were surely all wiped out in the great flood, Noah certainly wasn't one of them. That means the whole Chinese calendar is hogwash, an attempt by the devil to mislead good Christian men like ourselves.
Leviticus 26:15-16
And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-08-2016, 04:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by A Follower
The Japs don't just get the New Year's Eve date wrong (and how hard could that be?!), they even have the wrong year, they think this year is 4714
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but they are not entitled to their own facts. January 1 is the first day of the year. If anyone doesn't believe that, they can contact the IRS. If there is still disagreement, the IRS will send men in black suits to kill the dissenter. Also, this year is 2016. That is because it was 2016 years ago that the Lord Jesus was born. It is really pointless for these Chinamen to carry on with their charade. We are on to their sly tricks.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Unsaved trash cheese-eating surrender-monkey
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Posts: 88
Join Date: Jan 2016
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-08-2016, 07:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss
I believe that we should celebrate their new year by utterly destroying every Chinaman on Earth.
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Honestly not every Asian Is bad, I know this nice girl that is Asian. I like her a lot, and she isn't like the ones you guys are talking about. Just saying there are very nice people among the bad ones.
Revelation 6:8 And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,731
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-08-2016, 04:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss
Also, this year is 2016. That is because it was 2016 years ago that the Lord Jesus was born. It is really pointless for these Chinamen to carry on with their charade. We are on to their sly tricks.
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Indeed, Brother. They would have us believe it is the Year of Sodomy, which does not please the LORD one iota.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-09-2016, 04:12 AM
The monkey year? What is this some kind of Darwin thing? Those slants are the strangest things.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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The Prophet of Profit, Now Giving Financial Advice to Jesus in Heaven
True Christian™
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Posts: 803
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: In Heaven with Jesus
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-11-2016, 05:24 AM
Greetings again fellow True Christians! As you all should know by now, there was a disastrous earthquake in Taiwan two days before the Chink New Year. I mentioned it before, but now I have a few more details that I'd like to share.
Death toll is now officially 47, though there are over 100 missing. Given the fact that there are billions and billions of Chinks in the world, the loss of less than 200 of them shouldn't even be noticed.
Indeed, more than 200 Chinks die everyday in my company's factories in China, mostly from natural causes like swallowing poison, hanging, and falling from windows and rooftops. The good news is that we've taken measures to reduce the problem, and I believe we'll soon have it totally under control.
Happy Chink factory workers weighing their options
But getting back to the earthquake, an investigation has been launched. It seems like almost all the casualties were living in a housing complex built by my company in 1994.
The Taiwanese press is making a big deal out of the fact that some of the concrete pillars were lacking steel reinforcing, other than empty salad oil cans which the earthquake has revealed.
I don't know what anybody thinks that is a problem. Manufacturing steel requires mining and is damaging to the environment, as the greenie wackos are always saying. So if anything, they should be praising us for being good guardians of Mother Earth since we used a lot less steel than usual. Really, looks to me like a bunch of liberal news media hysteria trying to create yet another bogus issue because they hate capitalism.
In addition to the ludicrous steal "problem," analysis of the cement indicates that it consists mostly of sand and some unidentified "organic matter." The Taiwanese have been joking about "tofu" cement, but that's ridiculous. In fact, we only used quality imported organic material to strengthen the buildings.
Quality building material
Indeed, dietitians have been saying for years that this stuff is high in fiber, and fiber is strong stuff so I'm certain it's in no way responsible for the building collapse.
Really, I just don't know what them Chinks are going and and on about. I guess they're just sniffing around for "compensation." Just goes to show that the socialist welfare mentality is spreading around the world, far from where it originated in Vermont where Karl Marx and Bernie Sanders jointly wrote The Communist Manifesto.
Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred
CEO, The Uranus Corporation
Put your faith in Uranus!
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Founder, Operation Rescue, Now in Heaven with Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 912
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: In Heaven with Jesus
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-12-2016, 06:20 AM
I just learned that the Satanic Madonna was in Taiwan during the Chink New Yeaer earthquake. She was woken up at 4 am, when the devil came knocking on her door...
Link: Madonna woken up by a magnitude 6.8 earthquake in Taiwan
Just hours earlier, she had given one of her so-called "concerts," which in reality are just cover for practicing witchcraft.
Like a prayer: Madonna calls Satin for public sex, causes earthquake
The Lord is giving Taiwanozoids well-deserved punishment, just like He did to the Jap Chinks (with a tsunami) because of all them schoolgirl videos they produce which are designed to lure Christians away from their faith. I've personally witnessed thousands of these videos, not because I enjoy them, but rather to understand how Satin operates so that I can warn my fellow True Christians.
Only by turning to Jesus can the Chinks hope to avoid eternal Hell-fire and damnation.
yours in Christ,
Brother Buford
The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.
- Rush Limbaugh
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Unsaved trash cheese-eating surrender-monkey
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Posts: 88
Join Date: Jan 2016
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Re: Chink New Year -
02-18-2016, 06:16 PM
Just noticed this. Anyway why must we call them chinks? To me that would be an offensive name. I would know the girl I like always is sad bout people calling her that. Would god call them that? No I don't think he would. We are all gods creations we are all equal.
Revelation 6:8 And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
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