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Jesus Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-16-2019, 03:20 PM

Over a year you say. Hmmm. Have you visited the doctor lately? One more thing about Mildrew and his note: On the envelope it says PLEASE do not let this letter get in the hands of my incompatant mother as she will not be happy and might send me to a reformatory.

Not sure how I missed that. My bad.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-16-2019, 03:57 PM

He is a sneaky brat, Larry, clearly Jesus saw what he was up to, for the letter to be sent to you. I've locked Mildrew in the root cellar (There's a few parsnips and drain water) until I've consulted the male church body for insight on appropriate action at this point.


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew Angina (DIED IN A FIRE) Scooter Bud Carson Bobby (DIED IN A FIRE) Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-16-2019, 04:38 PM

I think consulting with the male body is proper in this case. I often do when the need arises. But I don’t think locking him away is the answer. Have you tried hugging him and expressing your love for him?


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-16-2019, 05:53 PM

Hold on Larry, a new letter has just arrived.


Dee Penharder, age 14 - "My mommy and daddy have arranged me a new husband, and I'm a little nervous. I overheard daddy say my new husband is black! I don't wanna be wed to a scary nigra. pardon me for the potty talk, but is it true black man have giant penises? Please help me Dolli, I'm worried they are wedding me off to the new neighbor whose black and smells like a Turks bassment when he comes walking by."

"Deary me, Dee, this does sound like a pickle! It doesn't seem you come from from a very Christian neighbor hood, to allow any one to to live there, willy-nilly. Speaking of willy, you don't need to concern your precious little mind over the endowment of your husband. If your parents have any sense, it's likely you are misunderstanding what you overheard, and they are in fact planning to give you off to Conrad Black! Our Glorious Trump has just pardoned him, did you know? His time in false imprisonments surely must have taken a toll on his grieving wife, who will undoubtedly be cast aside for someone who doesn't need Botox to look like a kewpie doll. Keep praying Dee, and this could be your future man of your dreams! His annulment from Babs will come soon, and his Swiss bank account is the only endowment you need to concern over!


((Those feline eyebrows )


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew Angina (DIED IN A FIRE) Scooter Bud Carson Bobby (DIED IN A FIRE) Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Jesus Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-16-2019, 07:08 PM

I can understand why that letter took precedence over my note to you. What a situation. Let's hope it is indeed, the honorable Conrad Black (what an honorable sounding name!) for whom this person is slated.


I had a collect call on my land line (yes, I still have one!) from someone saying they were Lysol Moans. I didn't take it because I wasn't sure if it was actually real. In the world of fake news I would hate to incur charges from an impostor. Here's the message that the operator allowed them to leave: (which is not supposed to happen!)




Mr. Larry please call me Lysol right away when you get this I will pay for the call Mom is nuts and it's getting worse. I know you're a man of great compassion as I've read Mom's computer when she was out with the neighbor many times. She flirtates with him since Dad died. I love you Mr. Larry.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-16-2019, 07:15 PM

Are you sure it wasn't a certain Edward Curtis Grimace in a cheap wig?

It couldn't possibly be my Lysol. Her body was horribly mutilated after being spun around at 350 mph amongst cows and shards of metal. I'd don't think it would be right of me to post the autopsy photos here.


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew Angina (DIED IN A FIRE) Scooter Bud Carson Bobby (DIED IN A FIRE) Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-17-2019, 03:47 PM

Miss Moans I sent in a question but I don’t see it listed yet so I figured I would ask you directly. As a young female who has been experiencing changes the past three years, I have only had one potential suitor (unfortunately he passed away in a four-wheeling accident). He is no longer with us and I fear that I may be unwed by the time I am 18. My Pa has been working aggressively to find me a potential husband but to no avail. How do I find a husband without being shown off as a “slut” or “hussy” in the eyes of God? Excuse my bad language. It is what my Pa says about atheist women (which I REFUSE to be).


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-18-2019, 03:24 PM

No-one worth mentioning is interested in trollops. However as the seasons change different pigments react differently in different light, caused by the sun shining from a different angle. Winter and summer styles use quite specific pigments in the dyes for this reason. Indoor lighting and particularly floodlighting at night, the different types of street lighting, reflective surfaces (water, glass, mirrors, leaves in wooded areas) all have their own effects.

There has been a trend among "certain types" to wear camouflage patterns. For example in woodland at night wearing that khaki & green stuff you would be invisible. Moonlight requires its own pattern, usually the stuff worn by sailors in icefields. It's actually quite attractive. I'll see if I can find a sample…………………

Yes. This is more or less what I was thinking of but I was horrified to learn that, when ordering, it is ESSENTIAL to make sure you've specified FABRIC because SHOES are also available and they are just revolting. A sample of each is included here:

Name:  ice camouflage.jpeg
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As you can see it's not a mistake you'd want to make. The white can be reflective (something like ice is) and particularly at night under those blueish streetlights. The best way to check when buying fabric is to get one of those small battery powered violet lights. Take it along and shine it on the pattern you're looking at. The highlights picked out will be brighter as the sun shines from higher in the sky.

If you'd like some patterns I would be happy to show your Pa a few suitably modest styles. As I say, you don't want to look like a trollop but you don't want to be invisible either.
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-18-2019, 05:51 PM

My son John asks:


Why are there contradictions in the Bible? I asked my father and he boxed my ears and told me there were none. But when I read my Bible, I find them all the time. When I asked my mother, she said to ask my father. I am very confused.


We have trouble with that boy sometimes and I think all the boxing of his ears have given him brain damage. Still, maybe you can explain it in a way that will get through to him.


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-19-2019, 02:34 AM

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Originally Posted by Dana723 View Post
My son John asks:


Why are there contradictions in the Bible? I asked my father and he boxed my ears and told me there were none. But when I read my Bible, I find them all the time. When I asked my mother, she said to ask my father. I am very confused.


We have trouble with that boy sometimes and I think all the boxing of his ears have given him brain damage. Still, maybe you can explain it in a way that will get through to him.
Has he given you an example?
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-19-2019, 06:39 PM

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Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Has he given you an example?
His first question was why there were two accounts in Genesis of the Creation. I honestly didn't have an answer for that, so I sent him out to feed the pigs.


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-20-2019, 08:17 AM

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Originally Posted by Dana723 View Post
His first question was why there were two accounts in Genesis of the Creation. I honestly didn't have an answer for that, so I sent him out to feed the pigs.
Oh, the answer is easy.

There aren't.
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Default Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know - 05-20-2019, 09:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Oh, the answer is easy.

There aren't.
I will tell him that a told me that!


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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