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Default My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-07-2019, 11:34 PM

This is a first in the 91 years Jesus has granted me so far. I yelled at my wife, I screamed at my wife, I hit her with my favorite Bible, but nothing! Even reading Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24 from my Bible had no effect whatsoever. All she does is stare without blinking her eyes.

Is there anyone with similar experience who has any advice on how to deal with this? I am hungry and no one is cooking diner.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 12:35 AM

Sounds like she's just being stubborn. You'll just have to be stubborner.


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 12:38 AM

Staring without blinking it's usually a sign of watching too much Netflix. It's also an explanation for the laziness.Could that be it, Brother?


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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Bible Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 03:47 AM

Whenever any of my offspring get lazy, I scream the following verses at them: Proverbs 13:4, Colossians 3:23, 1 Timothy 5:8, and 2 Thessalonians 3:10.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 01:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana723 View Post
Sounds like she's just being stubborn. You'll just have to be stubborner.
That won't be a problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez View Post
Staring without blinking it's usually a sign of watching too much Netflix. It's also an explanation for the laziness. Could that be it, Brother?
I have no idea. What does a Netflix look like?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Whenever any of my offspring get lazy, I scream the following verses at them: Proverbs 13:4, Colossians 3:23, 1 Timothy 5:8, and 2 Thessalonians 3:10.
Excellent suggestion, unfortunately it didn't help.

My wife still refuses to do her duties. As a temporary solution I was forced to ask my daughters for help but all of them hanged up as soon as they heard it was me.

I blame Hillary Clinton. She has changed all women who used to obey Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24 into disobedient Hell bound sluts.

Life is hard for a white male American True Cristian™ in 2019. But I am sure Jesus has a purpose for my suffering.

Does anyone here know how to boil an egg?


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 02:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post

Does anyone here know how to boil an egg?

On your behalf I did I ask the help. She was incredulous that I wanted to know about this task, until I explained the circumstances. Her eyes bulged and she started to sweat. She said "I'm afread Mrs Cranky has been made a a zombie by the voodoo". "Nonsense" I said, "She's most likely dead. Keep your native superstitions to yourself. Just tell me how to boil an egg".


After crossing herself several times, and mumbling some jungle incantation she told me that you boil some water on the stove and put the egg in, turn the heat down and cook for about 90 seconds, then remove it, let it cool down, crack the shell. The help likes it to be a little bit runny in the middle so she can feed me with egg dipped toast soldiers coated with melted butter and a sprinkling of ground peppercorns.


Cranky, if you prefer a harder egg, just leave it another minute or so.


Phil


58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bringk upon thee, until thou be destroyed.


Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 08:18 PM

If the room starts to smell soon, my guess it won't be the egg.


Some days... I walk past my fellow brethren; men of Christ washed in Christ's blood. And I thank Lord Jesus Christ, my sinful days are long, LONG since behind me. I thank you Jesus for allowing me to accept you as my Savior, and leading me in the path of righteousness.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 09:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Ander View Post
she told me that you boil some water on the stove and put the egg in, turn the heat down and cook for about 90 seconds, then remove it, let it cool down, crack the shell
That sounds way too complicated. Clearly God invented woman for this kind of work. I'll simply put the egg in the microwave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo View Post
If the room starts to smell soon, my guess it won't be the egg.
I haven't had a sense of smell since 1977. I decided to ignore my wife until she decides to start working again.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-08-2019, 11:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I have no idea. What does a Netflix look like?
From what I'm hearing lately, it's like a box of birds. But I'm not too familiar with this millennial things.


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-09-2019, 12:08 AM

Asked my Pa. if your wife’s skin turned cold, it’s a sign she is possessed by the devil. If this is true sir, have you considered calling Landover’s police force and see if they can issue an emergency spiritual enema on your wife to see if it cleanses the “bitchiness” (as my Pa puts it) out of her?


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-09-2019, 12:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez View Post
From what I'm hearing lately, it's like a box of birds. But I'm not too familiar with this millennial things.
At the Lukes home, the kids wanted it. I did some research. Long story short, the answer was an unequivocal "NO!" However, I did come across a Godly alternative: PureFlix. Instead of pre-screening every film to make sure it's acceptable, like you'd have to do with Netflix, you can just let the kids watch whatever "quality Christ-centered movies" they want because they've all been preapproved for the public's viewing pleasure by Christians who know better.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-09-2019, 01:06 AM

That reminded me. Some time back, a neighbor of mine told me his wife was not well, and he was needing all the time he could to spend time with her family, yadayadayada. Lately, I asked him how she was and he did not reply. I spoke (a little too close to his earshot), "She must be dead." I have not heard from him since.

What does this have to do with Madam Cranky? Oh, nothing at all! Excuse me. Carry on.


Some days... I walk past my fellow brethren; men of Christ washed in Christ's blood. And I thank Lord Jesus Christ, my sinful days are long, LONG since behind me. I thank you Jesus for allowing me to accept you as my Savior, and leading me in the path of righteousness.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-09-2019, 04:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez View Post
From what I'm hearing lately, it's like a box of birds.
I hate birds so we don't have those.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Asked my Pa. if your wife’s skin turned cold, it’s a sign she is possessed by the devil. If this is true sir, have you considered calling Landover’s police force and see if they can issue an emergency spiritual enema on your wife to see if it cleanses the “bitchiness” (as my Pa puts it) out of her?
That is a great idea. I suggested this and they promised me I will be called back on the matter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
a Godly alternative: PureFlix
I didn't know that. It will be the only thing the grandchildren are allowed to watch from now on.

My microwave broke down. Does anyone have a spare? My wife still refuses to cook and apparently you can not use a microwave to boil eggs.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-09-2019, 08:42 PM

I wouldn't want to meddle in your private business, Brother Cranky, but have you tried prayer? It should be equally effective regarding getting you a new microwave and producing boiled eggs!

Mark 11:24 - Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them].
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-09-2019, 09:19 PM

It's been a day, how is she looking now Cranky? (As far as your eyesight can gauge) If her lips are starting curl over her teeth, it means she's jeering at you and pulling your leg with this limp act of hers. Best administer a beating!


Some days... I walk past my fellow brethren; men of Christ washed in Christ's blood. And I thank Lord Jesus Christ, my sinful days are long, LONG since behind me. I thank you Jesus for allowing me to accept you as my Savior, and leading me in the path of righteousness.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 02:30 AM

Brother Cranky, I have ordered you a new microwave. Just remember you don't turn it on to warm up for 10 minutes. You just put the food in and press the button. Also, don't use metal pots - I'm not sure of the reason but it's probably demons.

As for the work-shy wife... have you tried physical correction?
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 06:47 AM

I have been unable to sleep (don’t tell my Pa please) because I have been anxious to hear about the latest update on your wife. What would cause a faithful housewife to go completely still and silent for a few days now? Not even a shriek when having The Bible thrown at her is worrisome. What has Landover’s faith police force said about the situation Old Cranky Man?


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 07:26 AM

The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.

If green rum is not readily available, 1 shot each of Benetictine & Cointreau is a good substitute. Served in a frosted glass, ice-cream float garnished with mint leaves optional.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 08:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.

If green rum is not readily available, 1 shot each of Benetictine & Cointreau is a good substitute. Served in a frosted glass, ice-cream float garnished with mint leaves optional.
Perhaps Cranky would prefer instead a Simple Man's Zombie: A can of beer with a blade of grass on top. Maybe even hold the grass.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 12:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.

If green rum is not readily available, 1 shot each of Benetictine & Cointreau is a good substitute. Served in a frosted glass, ice-cream float garnished with mint leaves optional.
That sounds delicious, Sister, though it's important to ensure that the egg is freshly-laid from healthy, salmonella-free chooks. Otherwise it might make Brother Cranky unwell. I shall try it out on my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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