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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Abdul Ali Achbar Abdul Ali Achbar is offline
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Default My Introductory Thread - 08-23-2010, 02:59 PM

Hello, I have found your church and I believe in it. I used to be a muslim but now I am part of the Landover Baptist Church.
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WinnerNotSinner WinnerNotSinner is offline
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-23-2010, 03:13 PM

I'm afraid you can only be part of LBC after you have been saved, my camel riding friend. Also we can't be too lax on security to brownies after all the bombings, so you're going to have to work hard to convince us you aren't going to be a danger to True Christians™.

Tell me, why did you leave your muslim roots behind you? How did you come to decide Christianity was the religion for you?
Praise Jesus you have been shown the light! !


6
A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
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Abdul Ali Achbar Abdul Ali Achbar is offline
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-23-2010, 04:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WinnerNotSinner View Post
I'm afraid you can only be part of LBC after you have been saved, my camel riding friend. Also we can't be too lax on security to brownies after all the bombings, so you're going to have to work hard to convince us you aren't going to be a danger to True Christians™.

Tell me, why did you leave your muslim roots behind you? How did you come to decide Christianity was the religion for you?
Praise Jesus you have been shown the light! !
In my sleep I saw Jesus and he told me that this was the right religion for me. I asked some other Christians and they told me to come to this site.
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-24-2010, 05:50 AM

Gesundheit.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-24-2010, 08:04 AM

You can't blame us for being suspicious - we get so many trolls here.

Which church do you attend? What's your favourite Bible verse and why? Do you have any sons and are they all Soldiers for Jesus? If not, why not? Have you declared your apostasy to your mudslime ex-friends? How do you expect to escape decapitation?


What's your operating system? Windows ? OS X ? Mine's JesOS!
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-26-2010, 08:41 PM

How does one purge themselves of islamofacism?


The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

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landoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapturelandoverlover has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-26-2010, 09:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abdul Ali Achbar View Post
Hello, I have found your church and I believe in it. I used to be a muslim but now I am part of the Landover Baptist Church.
Welcome. We are charged with making disciples of all the earth. Still, just to make sure you aren't backsliding, can you confirm you've eaten a kosher hot dog, BBQ pork sandwich, bacon, bacon bits, something like that?


Leviticus 13:44 He is a leprous man, he is UNCLEAN: the priest shall pronounce him utterly UNCLEAN; his plague is in his head.

2 Kings 6:25 And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.



King James Bible v1611

Good Enough For JESUS....Good Enough For Me !!

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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-26-2010, 10:45 PM

Your perceptiveness is just amazing, Brother Landoverlover. I, myself, would never have thought to ask such analytical questions.

If this towel-head can properly respond to you, perhaps there will be hope for him yet. But I doubt it considering his sand-jockey background.


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Eric G Eric G is offline
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-27-2010, 12:07 AM

I am currently a bit suspicious that this person has yet to post any knowledge of the Holy Bible.

Hosea 4:6
My people are destroyed for lack of KNOWLEDGE: because thou hast rejected KNOWLEDGE, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-27-2010, 12:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abdul Ali Achbar View Post
Hello, I have found your church and I believe in it. I used to be a muslim but now I am part of the Landover Baptist Church.
You're not a ni**er are you? God hates ni**ers!
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-27-2010, 12:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by great2Bsaved View Post
You're not a ni**er are you? God hates ni**ers!
We don't condone racism of any kind here on God's favorite forum, lady. The coons, jigaboos and pickaninnies would hire a bunch of joo lawyers to sue us if we let you use language like that.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: My Introductory Thread - 08-27-2010, 12:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
We don't condone racism of any kind here on God's favorite forum, lady. The coons, jigaboos and pickaninnies would hire a bunch of joo lawyers to sue us if we let you use language like that.
You're right brother... From now on I'll be less intolerant of our spear chucking, porch monkey members. Praise the Lord!
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