Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
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Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-04-2006, 08:01 PM
Since the Man I need to get a Christmas Gift for is so very Special - and such a highly-placed Pastor, here - I figured that nothing I could buy for him would quite make the grade - so instead I was going to fix him a nice catfish dinner with my Good potatis salad.
But I just found out that he - and the Holy Bible! - think that catfish are an Abomination. So who needs this to spoil my Christmas:
Any other ideas?
SUV
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True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-04-2006, 08:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
Since the Man I need to get a Christmas Gift for is so very Special - and such a highly-placed Pastor, here - I figured that nothing I could buy for him would quite make the grade - so instead I was going to fix him a nice catfish dinner with my Good potatis salad.
But I just found out that he - and the Holy Bible! - think that catfish are an Abomination. So who needs this to spoil my Christmas:
Any other ideas?
SUV
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blue gill... or "brim"
lots and lots of bluegill.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-04-2006, 08:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V
blue gill... or "brim"
lots and lots of bluegill.
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I can't eat that crap, it's all bony like perch.
Sue Vera, just don't tell me what kind of fish it is. Or tell me it's imported Barramundi (the best fish I have EVER tasted).
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-04-2006, 08:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
Any other ideas?
SUV
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I was going to suggest a nice hearty meal of pot roast and potatoes. What man wouldn't LOVE that?
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-04-2006, 08:45 PM
JESUS! Who squealed to Pastor Al that it was for him?!
All Right then, Pastor, maybe I can find a better way to prepare that stuff Brother V has. Shame to waste it. You tweezle out the bones and put a little lemon on anything, and there you have yourself a nice gourmet Meal.
If you still don't feel too Religious over this, how about those "Cat Tamales" Brother Ezekiel posted the recipe for? Cats are Sinful and we'd be doing Christiandom a favor by thinning down the housecat Population.
I'd try to find one without fleas
SUV
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-04-2006, 08:48 PM
Nice thought, Sister Thumper, but I'm Afraid it would look too much like Lilith's flapping tongue and it would only make him ill:
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/attac...1&d=1159994691
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
I was going to suggest a nice hearty meal of pot roast and potatoes. What man wouldn't LOVE that?
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-04-2006, 10:04 PM
Then how about a delicious dinner of Spotted Owl.
I have written out the recipe for you:
Spotted Owl with Sausage Stuffing
Spotted Owl with a flavorful apple sausage stuffing.
INGREDIENTS:
• 6 to 8 ounces bulk pork sausage
• 2 cups toasted bread cubes
• 1 cup chopped apples
• 1/2 cup thinly sliced celery
• 1/4 cup raisins
• 1/3 cup chopped onion
• 3/4 cup melted butter or margarine, divided
• 5 tablespoons chicken broth, divided
• 1/4 teaspoon dried leaf sage, crumbled
• 1/4 teaspoon poultry seasoning
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• dash pepper
• 1 or 2 Spotted Owls
PREPARATION:
Brown sausage well then drain off grease. Add bread cubes, apples, celery, raisins, onion, 1/4 cup of the melted butter or margarine, 2 tablespoons of the chicken broth, sage, poultry seasoning, and salt; mix well.
In a separate or cup, combine remaining 1/2 cup melted butter and 3 tablespoons chicken broth. Set aside to use for basting.
Lightly stuff Spotted Owl with dressing mixture; close openings with skewers. Place the Spotted Owl in a large roasting pan; bake at 400° F. for 1 hour, or until the Spotted Owl is tender. Baste the Spotted Owl occasionally with combined remaining margarine and chicken broth.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-05-2006, 12:11 AM
Pending Pastor's approval, that sounds scrumptious! Bless You, BTB!
But is it really necessary to "drain off the Grease"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Then how about a delicious dinner of Spotted Owl.
I have written out the recipe for you:
Spotted Owl with Sausage Stuffing
Spotted Owl with a flavorful apple sausage stuffing.
INGREDIENTS:
• 6 to 8 ounces bulk pork sausage
• 2 cups toasted bread cubes
• 1 cup chopped apples
• 1/2 cup thinly sliced celery
• 1/4 cup raisins
• 1/3 cup chopped onion
• 3/4 cup melted butter or margarine, divided
• 5 tablespoons chicken broth, divided
• 1/4 teaspoon dried leaf sage, crumbled
• 1/4 teaspoon poultry seasoning
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• dash pepper
• 1 or 2 Spotted Owls
PREPARATION:
Brown sausage well then drain off grease. Add bread cubes, apples, celery, raisins, onion, 1/4 cup of the melted butter or margarine, 2 tablespoons of the chicken broth, sage, poultry seasoning, and salt; mix well.
In a separate or cup, combine remaining 1/2 cup melted butter and 3 tablespoons chicken broth. Set aside to use for basting.
Lightly stuff Spotted Owl with dressing mixture; close openings with skewers. Place the Spotted Owl in a large roasting pan; bake at 400° F. for 1 hour, or until the Spotted Owl is tender. Baste the Spotted Owl occasionally with combined remaining margarine and chicken broth.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-05-2006, 02:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
Any other ideas?
SUV
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How about a stick with Lilith's head on the end of it? He could put it in his garden to scare of the Jehovy Witlesses.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-07-2006, 02:28 AM
Sweet Sister Sue, I don't want to brag, but HE (Pastor Pistle) might like my Baptist Bacon Wrapped Pork Loaf. I'd recommend serving it with Coleslaw, Doodlebugs and a slice of Sugar Cream Pie.
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Scientific Advisor
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Posts: 2,369
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-07-2006, 04:08 AM
Ohhh Ms. Glendora that looks just scrumptious. Besides the fact that I would burn in Hell forever, that is one reason that I could *never* be a joo. Think of the wholesome calories I would be missing out on! I would certainly be in debt to you if I were allowed to try just a small piece of such a dish.....
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-07-2006, 04:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonFish85
Ohhh Ms. Glendora that looks just scrumptious. Besides the fact that I would burn in Hell forever, that is one reason that I could *never* be a joo. Think of the wholesome calories I would be missing out on! I would certainly be in debt to you if I were allowed to try just a small piece of such a dish.....
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I do think Baptist Bacon Wrapped Pork Loaf is a good way to teach all Jooish folks about our Lord Jesus Christ, who is the real GOD. Anyway, this might be a good time to post the recipe for all those who have the sense to eat pork (long pig excluded).
Baptist Bacon Wrapped Pork Loaf
Ingredients:
*** Glaze:***
1/2 cup ketchup or chili sauce
4 tablespoons brown sugar
4 teaspoons cider or white vinegar
*** Meat Loaf:***
2 teaspoons oil
1 medium onion -- chopped medium
2 garlic cloves -- minced
2 large eggs
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon hot red pepper sauce
1/2 cup whole milk or plain yogurt
2 pounds Meat Loaf Mix Of Pork, Veal, Beef
1 cup Saltine Crackers -- Crushed
1/3 cup Minced Fresh Parsley Leaves
10 slices Bacon
Directions:
For the glaze: Mix all ingredients in small pan; set aside.
For the meat loaf. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Heat oil in medium skillet. Add onion and garlic; saute until softened, about 5 minutes. Set aside to cool while preparing remaining ingredients. Mix eggs with thyme, salt, pepper, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, pepper sauce, and milk or yogurt. Add egg mixture to meat in large bowl along with crackers, parsley, and cooked onion and garlic; mix with fork until evenly blended and meat mixture does not stick to bowl. Turn meat mixture onto work surface. With wet hands, pat mixture into approximately 9-by- 5-inch loaf shape. Place on foil-lined (for easy cleanup) shallow baking pan. Brush with half the glaze, then arrange bacon slices, crosswise, over loaf, overlapping slightly and tucking only bacon tip ends under.
Bake loaf until bacon is crisp and loaf registers 160F degrees, about 1 hour. Cool at least 20 minutes. Simmer remaining glaze over medium heat until thickened slightly. Slice loaf and serve with extra glaze passed separately.
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-07-2006, 03:58 PM
A most Manly looking dish, Mother Glynndie! I don't know exactly why, bit I WANT SOME OF THAT!!!
SUV
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
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Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: That certain Christmas Gift for that certain Pastor -
10-08-2006, 09:12 AM
I'm sure it would be good with enough ketchup and tabasco on it.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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