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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
08-28-2012, 05:34 PM
Thank you so much, Reverend Edward! I hope you will instruct all of your family members and congregants to sign it too!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
08-28-2012, 06:24 PM
I am offended by Mitt Romney's belief in outer space. The Bible makes it clear that there is a Heaven, a Hell, a flat Earth, and a firmament with two lights in it. That's it! If the outer space exists, then who is to say gays shouldn't rape each other in the military when they are supposed to be shooting at Ruskies?
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,653
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Christville, Alabama
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
08-28-2012, 10:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Thank you so much, Reverend Edward! I hope you will instruct all of your family members and congregants to sign it too!
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Yes Brother, indeed I have. The have been instructed to sign the petition or be forced to hard labor among the messicans on my pig farm; there shall be exhaustion, a runny nose, and a permanent stench.
Psalm 50:22 Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver.
Deuteronomy32:35 To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.
Jerimiah 13:14 And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them.
Numbers 32:23 But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.
Leviticus24:14 Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.
Ephesians5:5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 5:6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 5:7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
08-28-2012, 10:22 PM
GLORY!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
09-03-2012, 08:21 PM
SIGNED, Brother F. Machine!!!
To the Glory of God!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
09-03-2012, 08:39 PM
Thank you so much, Sister Mary! I really feel Jesus is going to work a miracle in Mitt's life very soon.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Descended from Rapes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,548
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
09-03-2012, 09:19 PM
SIGNED!
Brother Romney has shown an uncanny ability to respond to the instructions of his Christian betters. Thus an East Coast communist has transformed into a near perfect Republucan candidate. This petition may be just enough feedback to make him renounce Satan.
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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As pure and virginal as the driven snow.
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,883
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
09-03-2012, 10:04 PM
My father doesn't allow me to sign things, but I will pray for a lot of signatures!
I Jesus!
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 45
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Jesus Camp
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
09-03-2012, 10:34 PM
I will ask my husband if I can sign it, and I will ask him to do the same.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
09-03-2012, 10:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Felicity
My father doesn't allow me to sign things, but I will pray for a lot of signatures!
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That's understandable Felicity, but surely you have lots of little friends whose fathers aren't as firm-handed as yours? Why not get all of them to sign?
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Sign my petition urging Mitt Romney to get saved! -
09-03-2012, 11:08 PM
Perhaps Landover's Pastors could promote this petition on the Facepalm.
I don't use that site myself, but I understand Zeke is quite the Facepalmer.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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