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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-07-2008, 07:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
Perhaps it's time to change your Depends.
Why, how very Rude, Crude & Almost Lewd

WELCOME BACK, Pastor Ezekiel!!! As you will Surely remember, I have stood by you all along.

So now what's in it for ME?
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-07-2008, 07:19 PM

Hurray! Pastor Ezekiel is back!





Does that mean I can have my building permits back now?


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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-07-2008, 07:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
Perhaps it's time to change your Depends.
It's definitely time to change your attitude, missy, unless of course you're looking forward to ...



This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-07-2008, 11:16 PM

Welcome back, Zeke

I wouldn't want any other man to lead this church and no finer man could there be for Sister Thumper. My faith in you was not just demonstrated in words, but also actions. I can't wait to see your first official church sermon this coming Sunday, now from the front row. It was also very nice of Pastor Billy-Reuben's family to move to our old seats in the second row. My wife is so excited.

And I deeply regret all those good people whose lives were lost recently. May Jesus admit them into His loving arms. Amen.
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-07-2008, 11:26 PM

Well thank you all, but I'm really not sure what the fuss is all about. I was busy doing missionary work in the Des Moines jail for a few days, and then had to spend some time soaking in the mineral springs at Saratoga to get the stench off me (had to burn my clothes too), but I feel rejuvenated now.

I understand that there was some trouble here on God's favorite forum while I was away? Some hacked accounts or something? I'm sure Brother BJ and his boys in security will get to the bottom of it.

Whoever installed all the new security gizmos in my estate is to be commended. Praise Jesus.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 12:08 AM

I, for one, am proud to have so fine a True Christian™ gentleman as a pastor and a friend. Welcome back, Sir! Will you and Sister Thumper be available one of these Sundays in the near future for dinner, as we had planned before all the--er--commotion broke loose? My houseboy Luis and my maid Conchita have both made special mention that they will make themselves available to serve us at that occasion.


Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .

LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27





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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 04:01 AM

How very interesting that just a few days ago a lot of people who say they never doubted you had been doubting you a few days ago. Either they switched their allegiances or their accounts were hacked.
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 04:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jesusrule View Post
How very interesting that just a few days ago a lot of people who say they never doubted you had been doubting you a few days ago. Either they switched their allegiances or their accounts were hacked.
We have reason to believe that one Judas going by the name of Dr. Otto Bond, Sr. actually DID hack into the accounts of several members.

We also have reason to believe that he is not who he claims. That's all I can say at the moment.


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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 04:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD View Post
We have reason to believe that one Judas going by the name of Dr. Otto Bond, Sr. actually DID hack into the accounts of several members.

We also have reason to believe that he is not who he claims. That's all I can say at the moment.
Ah so an attempted Hi-Jack. By the way good to see you got your TC rank back.
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 04:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jesusrule View Post
Ah so an attempted Hi-Jack. By the way good to see you got your TC rank back.
Thank you!


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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 04:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jesusrule View Post
Ah so an attempted Hi-Jack. By the way good to see you got your TC rank back.
With a little work, an open heart, and some on-your-knees work with Jesus, you too might become a True Christian™ someday.

Have you hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page yet? Baby Jesus needs a new pair of shoes.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
With a little work, an open heart, and some on-your-knees work with Jesus, you too might become a True Christian™ someday.

Have you hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page yet? Baby Jesus needs a new pair of shoes.

And somebody has to pay for all that new bling you just laid on Thumpy.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 04:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jesusrule View Post
Ah so an attempted Hi-Jack. By the way good to see you got your TC rank back.
Got her account back? Sister Jenny has always been in good standing. You must be thinking of a minor car registration problem she had.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 06:27 PM

I always knew that a Man with such Ewe-fully pretty eyes must be as Pure as the Driven Snow
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 06:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
And somebody has to pay for all that new bling you just laid on Thumpy.
You need to work on hiding your envy, my dear.

Anyway, Pastor Ezekiel, we'd love to have you over for dinner soon. My future son-in-law in particular is a big fan of yours.


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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 07:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
You need to work on hiding your envy, my dear.


You've got it backwards, comme d'habitude.
I have the only bling I need - my wedding band. And a wedding band is one piece of bling that Zeke will never pony up.

Anyway, Pastor Ezekiel, we'd love to have you over for dinner soon. My future son-in-law in particular is a big fan of yours.
No doubt he saw the pictures...


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 07:45 PM

I can't Believe she continues to post as frequently as ever under "Maggoty Old Crone"......

Sister, in a Christian "Humility" is indeed a Virtue, but.....? Jumpin' Jehosophat if you don't beat all
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 08:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
I can't Believe she continues to post as frequently as ever under "Maggoty Old Crone"......

Sister, in a Christian "Humility" is indeed a Virtue, but.....? Jumpin' Jehosophat if you don't beat all
Did you really think that I'd go away just because you lot changed my name?
Besides, maggots are useful creatures - they help keep the world from being knee-deep in dead tissue.
And a crone is a woman who has reached menopause, which I am, so that's not the insult you intended it to be.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 08:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
No doubt he saw the pictures...
Of course I have a ring...duh...just not the band yet............

It'll happen someday. Just you see.
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Default Re: Welcome back, Pastor Ezekiel! - 05-08-2008, 08:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Of course I have a ring...duh...just not the band yet............

It'll happen someday. Just you see.
You keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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