[Jedediah]

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I was informed by the principal this morning that my contract as science teacher at Piggett Middle School will not be renewed. This is not entirely surprising, as hellbound parents have been complaining about my Godly methods and my rebuking of their children from day one. And now that my mentor Don McLeroy has lost influence on the Texas State Board of Education, I have no trump card to play.

I do not plan to fight this persecution. Rather, I see this as a sign from the LORD for what it is: affirmation that I am walking the One True Path with Christ.

Matthew 5:10-11
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

Luke 21:17 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.

Piggett has been my home for over five years, and Rebekah and I have started a wonderful family here and have many friends at Piggett Independent Baptist - chief among whom are my buddy Earl and his dutiful help-meet Eunice. We had planned to grow old here, but the LORD apparently has another Plan for us. The reason I am not upset about this evil that has driven me from my teaching position is that I know the LORD has worked this evil as part of His Plan for me.

Amos 3:6
Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?

So you're probably wondering by now... what does this have to do with LBU and Freehold? Well, Brothers and Sisters, I have been in my prayer closet for over four hours this evening discussing the matter of my persecution with Jesus, and He has revealed His Plan to me. I am to join you in fellowship in Freehold, Iowa.

I just got back from talking over this matter with Earl and Eunice, and they have both received similar revelations this evening. God wants our families to remain together since their three daughters are betrothed to my eldest three sons Leviticus (5), Isaiah (4), and Lamentations (3). So Eunice, Earl and their daughters will be joining us in our move to Freehold and into the bosom of Landover Baptist Church.

But there is the small matter of occupation for Earl and myself once we arrive. Obviously, I am a True Scientist™ and know a thing or two about Young Earth Geology (received my bachelor's degree at Maranatha Bible College in 2004). I would like to pursue graduate studies at Landover Baptist University, but I do have a growing family of seven to support. So my question is two-fold: what programs are offered at LBU, and are there any assistantships or stipends available so that I am able to support my wife and sons? I will most likely continue my studies in Young Earth Geology, but I am also interested in Applied Theophysics. Rebekah comes from wealth and privilege, so a modest stipend will be sufficient. However, I am open to more lucrative opportunities if they present themselves.

My buddy Earl will also be seeking a job to support his growing family of five. He has worked at Piggett Creamery, Piggett Machine Shop, HLR Slaughterhouse, and did a stint digging graves during the ongoing Obama Depression. He's sort of a jack-of-all-trades. You will all like him when you meet him.

Thank you for any information you can provide. We have already started packing and I will be taking the van in for a tuneup tomorrow morning. Earl will be a couple of weeks behind me.


YIC

[Levi Jones]

What wonderful news! I'm sure we can get you a reduced tithing schedule as part of your outstanding contributions to True Christian™ scholarship. It's a shame that you won't be joining the ministries department, but being an educator seems to be your true calling.

Just spit balling, but maybe you could become a teacher at Freehold Middle School while you earn your PHD.

[Professor Bessemer]

I did not have time to read your post, as I am a busy Ex-Gay © professor and researcher. But I am certain I can be of assistance. As a board certified Scientheist, I can always us an eager young lab assistant to help with my research.

Did you not mention earlier that you too once struggled with sodomania? I think that our mutual pasts will help us form a strong and intimate fellowship when you arrive in Freehold. Also, I live in a very large estate with plenty of room. I do get lonely here, so it would be nice to have another warm body in my home. If you are lacking funds, I am sure we can come to an compensation arrangement once you have settled in to your new situation.

[Dirk]

Just an addition to the thread: I am a teacher atm in the Netherlands, but I would like to pick up lecturing at universities again. I switched to teaching little children so that I could fill their minds with the Lord. But the Netherlands is a place of hatred and anti-God ideas. I think it would be best to switch back to lecturing at universities. I will move back to the States shortly.

If LBU needs a new professor, I'm available. Pm me for details, then I will tell my motivation and my degrees.

[Jedediah]

Originally Posted by Levi Jones

What wonderful news! I'm sure we can get you a reduced tithing schedule as part of your outstanding contributions to True Christian™ scholarship. It's a shame that you won't be joining the ministries department, but being an educator seems to be your true calling.

Just spit balling, but maybe you could become a teacher at Freehold Middle School while you earn your PHD.

Thanks, Brother Levi. I am able to tithe generously thanks to the substantial dowry I received when I married Rebekah. My fortune remains intact despite the Obama Depression because I savvily kept much of the cash under my mattress. The rest was invested in gold boullion and non-hybrid seeds, which I use to barter for goods and services.

I see being a science teacher as a way to advocate for the LORD in a setting which is usually dominated by anti-theists who reject the Holy Bible as the final authority on all matters of faith and practice. I see it as a Heaven-ordained Mission to try to save at least an elect few from the heresies of secular science. Make no mistake, there is much reproving, rebuking and exhortation in my classroom.

I have indeed received a Calling from the LORD, and I would be interested in perhaps pursuing both a Th.D. and a Ph.D. I frequently lead the congregation in prayer and responsive reading at Piggett Independent Baptist, and I am also a Sunday School teacher. I frequently share testimony at Sunday services, and I even gave a guest sermon once titled "Sliding to Hell on Your 'Buts'."

My goal is to seek a marriage of theology and science and have this True Science™ replace the false science taught in most schools and universities. I would love to continue to educate youngsters when I arrive in Freehold, but I won't be able to teach full-time once my classes and research begin in the fall. However, I should have plenty of time to conduct summer programs. I can also spare a few afternoons during the school year, but I won't be able to be a homeroom teacher.

I also wish to take an active role in the Church. How are you doing with Sunday School teachers these days?

Originally Posted by Professor Bessemer

I did not have time to read your post, as I am a busy Ex-Gay © professor and researcher. But I am certain I can be of assistance. As a board certified Scientheist, I can always us an eager young lab assistant to help with my research.

Did you not mention earlier that you too once struggled with sodomania? I think that our mutual pasts will help us form a strong and intimate fellowship when you arrive in Freehold. Also, I live in a very large estate with plenty of room. I do get lonely here, so it would be nice to have another warm body in my home. If you are lacking funds, I am sure we can come to an compensation arrangement once you have settled in to your new situation.

Dr. Bessemer, thank you for your kind words and generous offer. If you don't mind my wife and five little scamps running around your estate, this would be an ideal arrangement.

I have been cured of the gay for over seven years now. I underwent an exhaustive sexual reorientation summer program, which I have previously described. One thing that all of the Pastors and counselors at my reorientation program had in common is that they were also Ex-Gays©. There is still much that I don't understand about exactly what happened during reorientation, especially during those blackout periods, but I would like to learn more about the therapy so that I can one day help bring other sodomites to the Wondrous Cross. Do you participate in any active Ex-Gay© ministries or reorientation programs, or do you mostly conduct research on the matter and develop new cutting-edge methodologies? I think there is much we could learn from one another based on our similar experiences.

[Seth Campbell]

I would also be interested in moving to Landover. Could somebody please PM me the information to contact the local Hospital? I'm a certified bio-tech specializing in monitoring systems.

[Johny Joe Hold]

As you can see, Freehold, Iowa, and Landover Baptist Church and affiliated institutions are places of great opportunity.
JJH, Mayor

[Professor Bessemer]

Originally Posted by Jedediah

Dr. Bessemer, thank you for your kind words and generous offer. If you don't mind my wife and five little scamps running around your estate, this would be an ideal arrangement.

I have been cured of the gay for over seven years now. I underwent an exhaustive sexual reorientation summer program, which I have previously described. One thing that all of the Pastors and counselors at my reorientation program had in common is that they were also Ex-Gays©. There is still much that I don't understand about exactly what happened during reorientation, especially during those blackout periods, but I would like to learn more about the therapy so that I can one day help bring other sodomites to the Wondrous Cross. Do you participate in any active Ex-Gay© ministries or reorientation programs, or do you mostly conduct research on the matter and develop new cutting-edge methodologies? I think there is much we could learn from one another based on our similar experiences.

There is no need for formality son, you can drop the Doctor and simply call me Professor Stephen, all of underlings do! I live in the old Poole house. It was once home to a Godly family of 22 before the father was tragically killed by one Seth Cochrane. Poor Jeane Poole had to move back to godless England with her brood of twenty fatherless orphans.

So there should be more than enough room for your entire family. Of course, the more square footage you use, the more compensation I would be expecting from you and yours. Are any of your children old enough for household services? You know, cleaning, cooking, farm tasks, etcetera. The earlier a child realizes that life is not a free ride, the better in my opinion.

Just contact me when you get to town. I would like to meet with you privately in my home as soon as you arrive. Our initial meeting may take some time. You should plan on spending the night.

I am looking forward to fellowshipping with you Brother Jedediah!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Jedediah

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I was informed by the principal this morning that my contract as science teacher at Piggett Middle School will not be renewed. This is not entirely surprising, as hellbound parents have been complaining about my Godly methods and my rebuking of their children from day one. And now that my mentor Don McLeroy has lost influence on the Texas State Board of Education, I have no trump card to play.

I do not plan to fight this persecution. Rather, I see this as a sign from the LORD for what it is: affirmation that I am walking the One True Path with Christ.

Matthew 5:10-11
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

Luke 21:17 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.

Piggett has been my home for over five years, and Rebekah and I have started a wonderful family here and have many friends at Piggett Independent Baptist - chief among whom are my buddy Earl and his dutiful help-meet Eunice. We had planned to grow old here, but the LORD apparently has another Plan for us. The reason I am not upset about this evil that has driven me from my teaching position is that I know the LORD has worked this evil as part of His Plan for me.

Amos 3:6
Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?

So you're probably wondering by now... what does this have to do with LBU and Freehold? Well, Brothers and Sisters, I have been in my prayer closet for over four hours this evening discussing the matter of my persecution with Jesus, and He has revealed His Plan to me. I am to join you in fellowship in Freehold, Iowa.

I just got back from talking over this matter with Earl and Eunice, and they have both received similar revelations this evening. God wants our families to remain together since their three daughters are betrothed to my eldest three sons Leviticus (5), Isaiah (4), and Lamentations (3). So Eunice, Earl and their daughters will be joining us in our move to Freehold and into the bosom of Landover Baptist Church.

But there is the small matter of occupation for Earl and myself once we arrive. Obviously, I am a True Scientist™ and know a thing or two about Young Earth Geology (received my bachelor's degree at Maranatha Bible College in 2004). I would like to pursue graduate studies at Landover Baptist University, but I do have a growing family of seven to support. So my question is two-fold: what programs are offered at LBU, and are there any assistantships or stipends available so that I am able to support my wife and sons? I will most likely continue my studies in Young Earth Geology, but I am also interested in Applied Theophysics. Rebekah comes from wealth and privilege, so a modest stipend will be sufficient. However, I am open to more lucrative opportunities if they present themselves.

My buddy Earl will also be seeking a job to support his growing family of five. He has worked at Piggett Creamery, Piggett Machine Shop, HLR Slaughterhouse, and did a stint digging graves during the ongoing Obama Depression. He's sort of a jack-of-all-trades. You will all like him when you meet him.

Thank you for any information you can provide. We have already started packing and I will be taking the van in for a tuneup tomorrow morning. Earl will be a couple of weeks behind me.


YIC

As it happens there is a position open here in Freehold. The editor of the Freehold Truth and Light newspaper. Our previous editor, brother Philemon Cummins has been permanently reassigned to [location deleted] to work on Project Habakkuk. A man with skills like yours might do well to apply for the position.

Earl could set the type for you I suppose.

[Jedediah]

Update:

We have finished packing, and the vehicles are tuned up. I will be leaving for Freehold sometime over the weekend, and Rebekah and the children will be one or two weeks behind me (they will caravan with Earl and his family).

Professor Stephen, would it be okay if I go ahead and move into a spare room when I arrive? I understand that I'm moving faster with the move than I had let on, but there is nothing left for me to do in Piggett and I'd like to move forward with my new beginning in Freehold. If the timing is bad, I can get a motel room for a while. I am eager to discuss research opportunities and some of my ideas on innovative new Ex-Gay© treatment methods. I can hardly wait to fellowship with you!

Pastor Ezekiel, I am interested in applying for the editor position of the Freehold Truth and Light. I used to be a regular columnist and ran an advice column at the Maranatha Tribune when I was in undergrad, and I would love the opportunity to glorify Him through the printing press once again. I will look them up when I arrive and apply for the position. Thank you for letting me know.

I plan to attend services at LBC for the first time this Sunday. Praise!

[Levi Jones]

Originally Posted by Jedediah

Update:

We have finished packing, and the vehicles are tuned up. I will be leaving for Freehold sometime over the weekend, and Rebekah and the children will be one or two weeks behind me (they will caravan with Earl and his family).

Professor Stephen, would it be okay if I go ahead and move into a spare room when I arrive? I understand that I'm moving faster with the move than I had let on, but there is nothing left for me to do in Piggett and I'd like to move forward with my new beginning in Freehold. If the timing is bad, I can get a motel room for a while. I am eager to discuss research opportunities and some of my ideas on innovative new Ex-Gay© treatment methods. I can hardly wait to fellowship with you!

Pastor Ezekiel, I am interested in applying for the editor position of the Freehold Truth and Light. I used to be a regular columnist and ran an advice column at the Maranatha Tribune when I was in undergrad, and I would love the opportunity to glorify Him through the printing press once again. I will look them up when I arrive and apply for the position. Thank you for letting me know.

I plan to attend services at LBC for the first time this Sunday. Praise!

Sunday is your first day?

I'll give you my ticket next to Felicity in row three. I have to give a sermon to the Youth Group this weekend anyway, on Numbers 35 True Christian™ laws on murder.

I have an extra seat up in Section 2 as well next to my wife, but you don't want it.

[Jedediah]

Wow, Row 3? Thanks Brother Levi!

I will be sure to wear my Sunday best!

[True Disciple]

A very warm welcome to Freehold, Brother Jedediah!

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, but I was occupied with negotiating with LBU for my own contract as an Associate Professor (as you possibly have heard, I've earned all three my PhD's last week!). Also, my time on this forum was occupied by the attack of Danish demons.

Anyway, I've informed about possible PhD programs here at LBU (though I fully understand, of course, if you prefer a ThD or the job at the Newspaper). I have made a thread here with several possible research projects, including one in the field of Applied Theophysics (a study in Intelligent Falling).

We'll gladly hear from you!

[Professor Bessemer]

Originally Posted by Jedediah

Update:
Professor Stephen, would it be okay if I go ahead and move into a spare room when I arrive? I understand that I'm moving faster with the move than I had let on, but there is nothing left for me to do in Piggett and I'd like to move forward with my new beginning in Freehold. If the timing is bad, I can get a motel room for a while. I am eager to discuss research opportunities and some of my ideas on innovative new Ex-Gay© treatment methods. I can hardly wait to fellowship with you!

You are certainly welcome to a room. As it happens I will also be entertaining several prominent Ex-Gays© this weekend, so you will have the opportunity to meet John Paulk, Michael Bussee, Gary Cooper, and Greg Quinlan! The fellowshipping should be quite intense, I do hope you are prepared for it.

Let me know when you get into town. I will have a nice spread prepared for you, as I am certain you will be famished after your long drive.

[Jedediah]

I think I met most, if not all, of the Freehold True Christians™ before, during, and after services on Sunday. But if I have not yet introduced myself in person, I will do so soon.

Professor Stephen, thank you once again for your hospitality. I enjoyed sharing testimony with you, Gary, Mike, Greg, and John. I was not expecting that we would begin our research immediately upon my arrival, but I'm glad we did! I see tremendous potential in the Healing Touch therapy, among other things. Like you promised, the fellowshipping was very intense! I became so full of the Holy Spirit that I'm once again drawing a complete blank for about three or four hours there toward the end. When I woke up Saturday morning, I could still feel the Holy Spirit practically oozing out of me.

Brother True Disciple, I will be stopping by the department Thursday morning, as we discussed. I have an appointment that afternoon at the newspaper.