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Default Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-16-2008, 10:43 AM

The Godless eurotrash island of "Iceland" is currently featuring a tallywacker museum. While certainly it is understandable that people should admire the most important appendage God, in His infinite Wisdom ever distributed, I do worry that such a display might become a magnet for sodomites.

Quote:
Icelandic museum offers long and short of male organ

HUSAVIK, Iceland (Reuters) - Sigurdur Hjartarson is missing a human penis. But he's not worried: four men have promised to donate theirs to him when they die.

Hjartarson is founder and owner of the Icelandic Phallological Museum, which offers visitors from around the world a close-up look at the long and the short of the male reproductive organ.

His collection, which began in 1974 with a single bull's penis that looked something like a riding crop, now boasts 261 preserved members from 90 species.

The largest, from a sperm whale, is 70 kg (154 lb) and 1.7 meters (5.58 ft) long. The smallest, a hamster penis bone, is just 2 mm and must be viewed through a magnifying glass.

One species conspicuous by its absence is homo sapiens, but that may soon be rectified since a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton have promised to donate their organs after death, according to certificates on display.

The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis -- which he purportedly nick-named "Elmo" -- for display alongside a life-size plastic mould of the member as well as his pledge to donate it.

Hjartarson said the Icelandic donor, a 93-year-old from nearby Akureyri, was a womanizer in his youth who thought having his penis in the collection might bring him eternal fame.

But vanity may make him rethink the offer.

"He has mentioned lately that his penis is shrinking as he gets older and he is worried it might not make a proper exhibit," Hjartarson said.

WOMEN VISITORS

The museum, originally opened in Reykjavik in 1997, has now moved to the quiet fishing village of Husavik, 480 km (298 miles) northeast of the capital.

Open from May to September, it is housed in a plain brown building, the entrance marked by a tall brown phallus near the door and a penis-shaped sign over the front porch.

A growing number of people from all over the world view the collection each year, 60 percent of them women.

"We had 6,000 visitors last summer and actually made a profit," Hjartarson said with a smile.

The specimens, most of which were donated by fishermen, hunters and biologists, are kept in glass jars of formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the wall, creating an atmosphere that is part science lab, part trophy room.

Hjartarson has paid for only one -- an elephant penis nearly 1 meter long that hangs, stuffed and mounted on a wooden board, in the museum's "foreign section."

He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, with little notion he would one day be running a museum devoted to the subject.

"It was just a hobby," he said, adding that the collection was relegated to his office until the inception of the museum.

"They were not on display in the sitting room."

The museum's "folklore collection" includes a few sculptures and joke items, but no sex toys or paraphernalia. The more risque displays stay under wraps.

"Two elderly German women came in a while ago and after viewing the exhibit, they scolded me for displaying a group of figurines in Kama Sutra poses, so I put them in here," Hjartarson said, lifting a black cloth off a glass-topped box labeled 'Erotica'.

"This way nobody has to view them unless they want to."

Hjartarson maintains a light-hearted approach to his delicate subject matter, saying a sense of humor and a bit of intelligence are necessary to appreciate the collection.

"I hope visitors leave the museum in a better mood than when they arrived," he said.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-16-2008, 10:55 AM

I was reading the article, Pastor, half smiling, half shaking my head in slight disbelief, and then suddenly it hit me like a truck:

Quote:
Originally Posted by article
the entrance marked by a tall brown phallus
A JIGGABOO TALLYWHACKER! A collosal throbbing black vainy boner, used as a Barnum campaign for the museum.

Depraved, that's what it is!

There is no way these people are in good standing with our Lord.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-16-2008, 11:17 AM

That is just sick. Isn't Iceland one of those Caldera things?
A caldera is like a safety valve. The fuller Hell gets the more the furnaces are stoked and the pressure builds and these calderas blow up to relieve the pressure, but they are worse than a normal volcano by a long shot.


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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-16-2008, 11:44 AM

My GOD, I SO wasn't in here peeking at this 'Godly Member' thread! I SO didn't see anything!

Literally. Where are the photos?
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-16-2008, 12:05 PM

There's a cooter museum, too. The owner is Maggoty Old Crone or whatever that filthy harlot is calling herself these days. Her cooter is a crusty relic and is always open to the public. "Emission" is free.
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-16-2008, 12:24 PM

Isn't this "uncovering nakedness" big time? Is it not encouraging thoughts of bestiality, and we know that the thought is the deed?

That being said, I feel that the hamster must be the happiest of creatures, not only do you need a magnifying glass to see it, but Hamsters are short sighted - there can be little temptation in the Hamster household if no one can see it - an example for us all.

PS, does anyone recall Unfalsifiable as being an expert on all things Icelandic? Didn't he mention that they are all Lutherans? It looks like sitting on a Caldera and opening this museum is indeed the first steps in ridding the world of a large proportion of the members of an apostate church.





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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-20-2008, 12:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
There's a cooter museum, too. The owner is Maggoty Old Crone or whatever that filthy harlot is calling herself these days. Her cooter is a crusty relic and is always open to the public. "Emission" is free.
Brother Hatchet,

While I truly appreciate your Godly observations you have left an indelible image in my mind of the Crones Cooter that I may never be able to pray away.





Leviticus 26:27-29

27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

Last edited by SayvedByTheLord; 05-20-2008 at 12:20 AM. Reason: typo
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 05-20-2008, 12:28 AM

This thread makes me sick.


They let WOMEN in there to gawk and giggle at dismembered male organs?
I swear foriegners are more and more disgusting the more I read about them.


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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 06-04-2008, 09:04 PM

I don't get it. What's a tallywacker? Is that the little floppy part I used to see when I was a youth?

And since we don't have mirrors in our house, I have no idea what one even looks like.
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 06-04-2008, 09:15 PM

No comment, I let God do the talking:

Quote:
A 6.1 earthquake shook Iceland Thursday leaving roads and homes damaged. Officials said an unknown number of people suffered injuries.

The epicenter of the quake was near the town of Selfoss, 30 miles southeast of the nation’s capital, Reykjavik. Residents in the area were advised to leave their homes in case of aftershocks.
http://www.transworldnews.com/NewsSt...d=48641&cat=11


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 06-13-2008, 07:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt View Post
I don't get it. What's a tallywacker? Is that the little floppy part I used to see when I was a youth?

And since we don't have mirrors in our house, I have no idea what one even looks like.
Judging by your girth, Brother Matt, a mirror would be required for you to see your tallywhacker. It's the dangly bit thou useth to pisseth against the wall.
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 06-13-2008, 08:43 PM

OK, guys, no fighting in Church. We're all here to learn about Jesus together, right? Try to be compassionate to your brothers regardless of their shortcomings. You would want them to respect you, wouldn't you?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 06-13-2008, 09:53 PM

You're absolutely right. Forgive me, Brother. 70x7, eh?

I had just got done reading http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showt...574#post200574

I didn't intend to err...belittle you.
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Default Re: Tallywacker Museum Opens - 06-13-2008, 10:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetPreacherLew View Post
70x7, eh?

I had just got done reading http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showt...574#post200574

I didn't intend to err...belittle you.
Are you calling me fat?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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